A hacker collective, “Anonymous” vows to take down the social networking giant this November.

Anonymous will attack Facebook  Nov 5, in protest of the government-social networking complex.  Facebook is taking the threat seriously and is planning a counterattack against  the hackers.

“They have no chance,” a hacker told  WWN in a secret meeting held Palo Alto.  “There is nothing Facebook can do to stop it.  The algorithm has already started.  They are going down.”

Media outlets around the world picked up the story and highlighted the two-week old video, which went viral this week.

Many “IT specialists” at top technology companies are calling the threat a hoax, but the hackers believe this is just a counter move by Facebook and government agencies to keep people using Facebook.

“The U.S. government has been working with Facebook for the last two years, collecting data on every American and citizens around the world.  They are planning to control us all.  We will not let that happen.  Facebook will die on November 5th, 2011.

 The video first appeared on July 16 when a newly created YouTube channel — FacebookOp — uploaded the video “Message from Anonymous: Operation Facebook, Nov 5 2011.”

The manifesto urges the audience to kill Facebook over privacy-related concerns.

The speaker in the video claiming to be Anonymous encouraged hacktivists to “join the cause and kill facebook  for the sake of your own privacy  – and your freedom.”

Some have speculated that Mark Zuckerberg works for the CIA.

“Everything you do on Facebook stays on Facebook regardless of your privacy settings, and deleting your account is impossible,” the posts read. “Even if you delete your account, all your information stays on Facebook and can be recovered at any time.”

“Facebook has been selling information to government agencies and giving clandestine access to information security firms so they can spy all the people from all around the world,” the post added.

For personal safety  reasons, Anonymous has neither confirmed nor denied it is connected to the video.

In recent months, Facebook has faced criticism about its privacy-related policies. In May, a Senate panel questioned Facebook executives for allegedly failing to prevent underage people from having access to the network. Security software company Symantec also has said third-parties like advertisers had access to sensitive data of millions of Facebook users for years.

Facebook has denied there was any security breach, saying no private information could have been passed to third parties. The site also said the Symantec report had ignored contractual obligations of advertisers and developers that prohibit them from obtaining or sharing user information in a way that violates its policies.

WWN has learned that the CIA and FBI are looking for “Anonymous” and plan to do “everything in their power” to stop the November 5th attack.

Check out the video here:

WASHINGTON, DC – The White House has officially renamed the U.S. Government of the U.S. Federal Family.

President Barack Obama issued and Executive Order today that officially changes the name “U.S. Government” to “U.S. Federal Family.”

“President Obama feels that the term ‘government’ has taken on a bad connotation in the last decade, because of bad policies by previous administrations,” said White House Press Secretary, Jay Carny.  The government takes care of many of our citizens and we want the country to think of the government in a positive light.  That’s what the U.S. is now a ‘Federal Family’ rather than a ‘government’.  It’s much more positive and will make all Americans feel good about Washington.”

The phrase was repeatedly used this weekend in the “Federal Family’s” response to Hurricane Irene.

Here’ an example from an official FEMA document issued last Friday.

“Under the direction of President Obama and Secretary Janet Napolitano, the entire federal family is leaning forward to support our state, tribal and territorial partners along the East Coast,” a FEMA news release declared Friday as Irene churned toward landfall.

“The G-word, “government,”  has been nearly banished from all agencies,” said Nancy Pelosi, the minority leader of the House.  “The Republicans have made the G-word into something that upsets Americans.  Democrats want to make America great again, and the first step is to get rid of that ugly word.”

Professors around the country agree. “’Government’ is such a dirty word right now,” says Florida State University communication professor Davis Houck. “Part of what the federal government does and any elected official does is change the terms of the language game into terms that are favorable to them.”

“Family” can evoke favorable thoughts of motherhood and security, “says Nancy Pelosi.

In “the family” here is crazy Uncle Harry and wacky Aunt Nancy:

And here’s Papa:

The phrase “federal family” has been used before – in the 1930s, under President Franklin Roosevelt.

A Google search shows the phrase appearing 10 times on FEMA’s website during the Bush years. Since Obama took office, “federal family” has turned up 118 times on fema.gov, including 50 Irene-related references.

Among them: statements that the Obama administration “is committed to bringing all of the resources of the federal family to bear” for storm assistance and that “the entire federal family continues to lean forward to support the states in their ongoing response efforts.”

Republicans were quick to respond.  “This is another outrageous attempt by the Obama administration to manipulate language to control Americans,” said Speaker of the House, John Boehner.  Boehner doubts that “Federa Family” will give the public a warm and fuzzy view of Washington.

“Will it create jobs?” Boehner asked rhetorically. “Hell no, it won’t!!”

“We really like the new label,” said Senator Harry Reid.  “People will have a hard time believing that your ‘family’ would to anything to harm you.  I think this will be a major step in bringing America back to greatness.

Make sure you pay your taxes to your Federal Family next April 15th – or you will be spanked!!

SPARTANBURG, SC – A day after wishing Elvis Presley “Happy Birthday” on the anniverary of his death, Michele Bachmann invited MJ to Washington.

Michelle Bachmann (R-MN) is on a roll.  She made a gaffe yesterday and wished Elvis Presley a “Happy Birthday” on the 34th anniversary of his death, and today she tried to outdo herself.

“Some people think that I don’t know much about music.  But, I not only love the two major styles of music, country and classical, but I am also very much into the music the kids are listening to today.  In fact, I think musicians can help heal the world.  That’s why I am inviting Michael Jackson to join me in Washington DC in September, so we can all come together and… change the world!”

Bachmann’s aides tried to tell her that Michael Jackson died in 2009, but the Congresswoman was on a roll.  “I’ve loved Michael Jackson since I was a little girl.  His hit “Superstition” is one of my favorite songs of all times and when he plays the harmonica, it sends shivers down my leg.  I’m just said that he’s blind.”

Bachmann then went on to talk about gay marriage:  “Gay marriage is fine with me as long as you are not a homosexual.  Homosexuals are sinners.  Boys should not be having sex with boys and girls should not be having sex with girls.  God said that.  Not me.”

The Spartanburg crowd seemed stunned by Bachmann’s speech.

“If your gay and you want to get married – go ahead.  But to me ‘gay’ means ‘happy’ – so being happy is a good reason to get married.”

Bachmann is becoming famous for redefining words.  On Fox News Sunday, she told Chris Wallace that she and her husband think the word “submissive” means “respectful”.  She also thought that the word “bigot” means “patriotic” and she defined the word “sex” to mean “get it over as quickly as possible.”

Bachmann is currently in third place in the latest poll for the Republican nomination.  She is excited to meet Michael Jackson in September and has chosen as her campaign theme song, “Man In The Mirror.”

“That’s what I am.  A man in a mirror,”  Bachmann told the crowd.

WASHINGTON, DC – The government has been forced to pull back on defense spending.  Secretary of Defense Robert Gates is pulling funding on F22 and Area 51, which is expected to close within the month.  At a press conference on Monday Robert Gates announced his new plan to shift resources from costly weapons systems to the ground campaigns in Iraq and Afghanistan

Area 51 is a top secret government installation in southern Nevada.  It first gained recognition as a secret government testing site in the 1950’s.  Since then it is believed to be where the government tests new and alien technologies.  Most of the new and alien technology Secretary Gates is cutting is expected to be in Area 51.

According to moles within the Pentagon and several anonymous sources reporters met while drinking in the area, weapons being developed by the government may include:

Aging Ray –   Special frequency microwave emitters which dissolve collagen in
the skin causing victims to instantly appear much older.

LactoPack –   A wearable cheese powered propulsion system.  Small, collapsible, but it only ran on expensive imported cheeses.

Gill Men –      Special volunteers from within the US Navy’s seal teams had gills and fins surgically attached to their bodies to aid in tactical maneuverability.  Unfortunately after the 15 million dollar process they would forget their assignments and play with inflatable balls.

H4 Prime –     Derived from alien technology this was a Hummer 4 series that could turn into a large anthropomorphic robot.  Once it was made self-aware however the robot proved to be self absorbed and irresponsible and cost far more than it was worth.  Efforts have been made to sell the H4 Prime to the Japanese, but currently it refuses to leave its room.

Secretary of Defense Gates insists that programs like these are an unnecessary drain on the military budget, and is pulling the plug on all similar research.

Area 51, we here at the Weekly World News wish you a fond farewell.  Thanks for the memories.

NEW HAVEN, CT – Astronomers have announced that Jupiter and Venus will shine unusually brightly during a conjunction tonight.

But Weekly World News has discovered that the shine will be from residents of both planets mooning Earth.

Jupiterians and Venusians will come together, and millions of of aliens living on both planets will in unison expose their pale backsides towards us.  Nations of life forms will work in shifts to coincide with the revolution of each planet.

The reasoning behind this interplanetary prank yields many questions.  Why have residents of two planets coordinated such a grand effort to moon our own?  And why are Earth’s governments covering it up?  Weekly World News reporters will continue to investigate.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In an attempt to boost his chances, McCain offered to fix the economy by selling secret government artifacts on Ebay. Unfortunately, the maverick senator doesn’t quite get computers and sold it all too cheaply.

Despite opposition from numerous government insiders, McCain claimed that “the old ways aren’t going to solve 21st century problems.  Old secrets have to make way for new solutions.”  Supporters applauded the senator’s bold initiative to increase government revenue, resulting in a brief spike in his popularity.

However, McCain entered the information incorrectly and all the items were sold before he could correct the mistake.

Among the items sold were photos from the Roswell alien autopsy for $7.14, a used but still working Venusian warp engine for $153.63, the rifle used by the second gunman in the JFK shooting for $23.78, and J. Edgar Hoover’s first training bra for $3.58.

Most of the items were sold to independent collectors around the country, bringing in a total of $209.32 to help offset the federal deficit.

Randall Summers of Grand Rapids, Michigan, who purchased a rare copy of Ben Franklin’s first erotic novel, said “You better believe I’m framing this sucker!  John McCain, you got my vote!”

How this will play for the Republican candidate in the final days of the election has yet to be seen.

I’m madder than a rooster in an empty hen house at Internet spammers and I won’t take it anymore. Those creeps clutter up my e-mail with their junk, everything from penis enlargement pills to some lady telling me she’ll give me a million dollars if I’ll help her get her money out of Africa. “Rush me 10 grand quick as possible and we’ll get the whole thing started,” she says.

Right. As if yours truly is gonna fall for a stupid con like that.

Just the other day I mentioned the enlargement pills to my wife Thelma Jean and she just looked at me and said: “We got four young ‘uns as it is. I reckon you’ve already done enough damage with that thing without it getting any bigger.” Thelma Jean, bless her, always gets right to the heart of the matter.

The spam I really hate is the pornography. I mean, you should see the stuff I get. It’s really vile.

Remember my uncle Luke “Stonewall” Jackson, from the Tennessee hills with the simple son and the bad piles? Well, Uncle Luke once worked in a factory that made ladies’ corsets, so he knows plenty about that sex stuff, but he says the pornographic e-mails he gets make even him blush.

“It’s time the gubmint banned them outright,” Uncle Luke says. “It just ain’t fittin’ for good Christian folks to be seeing that filth.”

Well, I have an idea. We ask the government to get one of their smart lawyers — God knows, there’s plenty of them around — and get them to send a warning letter to the pornography spammers. It should be a real learned letter saying something like: “Don’t send e-mail spam no more or we’ll throw you in jail for 20 years.”

If they ignore that warning, then send in the cops to arrest them and lock them up. Oh, and while they’re at it, the officers should also put the idiots who respond to pornographic e-mails behind bars. They’re just as bad as the spammers and maybe a lot worse. That’s how we can end this plague once and for all. And good riddance, I say.

PRUDHOE BAY, AK -  Something is emerging from Hell!

That is the horrifying warning of more than 60 eyewitnesses who have seen the monstrous shape roaring out of a mile-deep Alaskan oil well amid stinking clouds of sulfur.

“If I had not seen it with my own eyes, I would not believe it,” said John Merritt, a foreman with BP, which operates the oil field.

“The giant demon head of Satan has already escaped and his body has been slowly coming out for weeks.

“White-hot flames are billowing out of the well, the skies have been darkened by strange clouds and the area is full of an evil stench so oppressive and overpowering that most people can only stand to remain there for a few minutes.”

The oil field, about 400 miles north of Fairbanks, has been ordered shut down by the government and the area has been cordoned off. Only military and clergymen who have been called in by the oil company to aid in the crisis are admitted to the area, and Alaskan officials have slapped a tight lid of secrecy over the story.

Many are looking to politicians for a response; Alaska’s reserves have been a source of this year’s presidential debates over energy independence.

Alaskan Governor and Vice-Presidential candidate Sarah Palin immediately downplayed the incident, stating, “This is nothing to worry about! It’s just the Devil playing tricks on us! He wants to see our country run out of oil, just like the terrorists. We gotta stand up for ourselves and keep on drilling!”

Delaware Senator and Vice-Presidential candidate Joe Biden was far more concerned. “I have consistently voted against exploration in the Alaskan National Wildlife Reserve, and this is the perfect example why. We don’t yet know the long-term environmental effects, let alone Biblical ones.”

As for the hole? “No one is allowed within 50 feet of the oil well,” said foreman Merritt. “We’re just waiting to see what happens next.”

Washington, DC – The nation’s undead community is demanding the right to health insurance—and it is a battle it can win, say experts.

“We can’t issue health insurance to people who are technically not alive,” says one insurance industry spokesman. “But there is a possibility that we can provide undead plans, especially if the insured are nonsmokers.”

However, the government is firmly against the move.

A Capitol Hill insider says when insurance for vampires, werewolves and other undead species was mentioned to President Bush, he said it was “like a stake through his heart,” especially with Democratic members of Congress calling for the establishment of a Department of Undead Affairs.

“Aren’t the undead susceptible to their own weaknesses, like garlic and holy water?” asks one Democratic congresswoman. “Surely they have a right to insurance like everyone else.”

Both presidential candidates have been asked for their opinion on undead health insurance at recent rallies. Senator Obama responded, “I would be more than happy to discuss undead coverage in the future, once we’ve sorted out the living first.”

Senator McCain was less supportive. “When I become President, I am seriously considering putting a spending freeze on everything except defense and the caring of our veterans. Undead insurance is not exactly at the top of my list,” he snickered.

Vampire spokesman Anton Dreisch told Weekly World News: “I believe President Bush and Senator McCain have declared war on vampires and other members of the undead because they don’t think we’re part of their constituency. A number of us are Republicans. It’s not like we died and came back to life with different politics. That would be absurd!”

“Big Washington needs to think really hard about what they’re getting themselves into if we are denied. We literally have all the time in the world to fight for this.”

Weekly World News investigative reporters have discovered that the U.S. government has issued Bat Boy a passport for international travel!

Reactions from politicians has been mixed. Presidential candidate Barack Obama’s campaign manager issued the statement, “Senator Obama is happy to see any Americans—mutant or otherwise—venturing out and changing how global citizens view our country.”

The GOP was more cautious. During a meet-and-greet with Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin, Governor Palin was asked how she felt on the matter. “I can’t imagine he’s one of those kids who graduated college and their parents got him a passport and a backpack and said, ‘Go off and travel the world.’ If he worked hard, then he deserves it.”

When asked for reasons why Bat Boy—a known felon after having led cops on a three-state car chase—should be allowed to travel abroad, she stuttered and replied, “I’ll try to find you some and I’ll bring ‘em to ya!”