HARARE, ZIMBABWE – Martians attacked a prosperous South African village with rocks, plundered their gold and burned it to the ground!

SOUTH AFRICA – At a worldwide Alien Summit taking place in Johannesburg, experts are speculating that the Gootans are here to plunder earth of its gold.

BOCA RATON, Fla. – ATMs in Florida are dispensing gold instead of cash!

COPIAPO, CHILE – In an agreement between the U.S. and Chile — for each miner brought up, they will send down one U.S. politician.

Ben Bernanke says that the worst of the recession is over and the economy will level out, thanks to a large reserve of gold found hidden under Mount Rushmore.