I’m madder than a Chinaman in a driver’s ed class about China taking over the world, because they’re not  going to take this Yankee to the cleaners.

Get real, folks!  China has been bailing out everyone since 2008 and they own just about all of United States of America.  I, for one, don’t like it one red bit!  The Chinese are good for getting barbecue sauce out of my pants crotch, and that’s about it.

We don’t need them over here taking away our forks!

I’m sick of buying things that say “Made In China.” I want all Americans to start buying things that say “Made in Ohio” or “Made in Texas”  or “Made in Bayonne.”   We don’t need to buy any more junk from China that usually falls apart within a week.  Either that or they poison our children with that paint they put on everything.

And we definitely don’t need any more fortune cookies!   My lucky number isn’t 8!

Those Chinese leaders think they’re pulling a fast one over the U.S.  Well, the Teleprompter Kid better wake up and give the Chinese a chop-chop to their wontons!

Those Chinese loan sharks think we’re a bunch of pansy pandas over here, but if they try to step on ol’ Ed Anger’s lawn they’re going to get a blast of dragon fire from my mouth.

Let’s face it, folks, we have to stop buying things made in China!  They don’t play fair, so we shouldn’t play fair.  Most of their stuff is made by five-year-old kids chained to tables, who are only fed monkey brains once a day.

Then they come to the fruited plains and insult Uncle Sam!  The Chinese went to the White House and had that piano player, Lang Lang, play an anti-American song.  I’d like to give Lang Lang a little Bang Bang, send him back to the rickshaw he was born in.

I’m sick of China!!!

I’m calling on all red-blooded Americans to throw their Chinese made products into the nearest American dumpster.  2011 is the Chinese Year of the Rabbit.  I’m hereby changing it to the Year of the Eagle – the American Eagle.

So throw out all your Chinese goods!   Order pizza instead!

Confucius says:  Listen to Ed Anger.   “He knows which way the egg rolls!”

FAIRFIELD, CT -  There was a rumor about General Electric Co. donating $3.2 billion to the federal government.  The real number is $10 billion!!

“GE did not refund $3.2 billion to the taxpayers, instead the company is donating $10 billion.” said Denise LaBore, a GE spokeswoman.

GE shares slipped after it was reported that they were NOT donating to the government, but when the real number ($10 billion) was announced, and GE stated publicly that it wanted to help cut the U.S. debt, their stock rose.

“Investors love when a company contributes to curbing U.S. debt, which helps the U.S. regain financial credibility around the world,” said a giddy Tim Geithner, the U.S. Secretary of the Treasury.

Geithner will be getting a $500 million dollar bonus – from President Obama – for brokering the deal.

Jeffrey Immelt, who in January was named to head a new White House panel aimed at driving jobs growth, felt that GE had to lead the way in “corporate responsibility.”

Immelt also announced that he has slashed his own executive compensation for 2011.  “My salary for 2011 will be $30,000 and I will keep it at that level until GE stops laying off people.  That’s my promise.”  Additionally, Immelt said he has taken a vow of chastity until the national unemployment rate is under 8 percent.  “I’m willing to sacrifice for my country.”

GE’s tax rate has been in the public eye since the New York Times reported last month that it paid no U.S. income taxes in 2010, a claim that GE denies. GE has acknowledged that its 2010 tax bill was low due to hefty losses at its GE Capital finance unit during the financial crisis.

Immelt was quick to say that the hefty losses experienced by GE were “not my fault!”  President Obama said that there is nobody better to lead his Economic Panel of Advisers than a man who heads a company swimming in debt.

“Our tax rate will be higher in 2011,” said Immelt. “And next year I hope to make a donation of $20 billion to the U.S. taxpayers and… I plan to have sex again!”

Immelt denied rumors that he was doing all this because a large majority of American feel that it was immoral for GE to not to pay a dime in taxes for the year 2010.  He denied that he was influenced by a majority of internet users calling him a “fraud” a “charlatan” a “fat cat” a “thieving bastard.”

No, no…  Immelt is donating $10 billion to the U.S. government because “I love little people.  Little, poor, stupid, American people… the ones that buy our lightbulbs. I love them for that.  I just want to give back.”

WASHINGTON – Doctors have confirmed that Barack Obama has had brain surgery.

For the last three years a many curious citizens have wondered about the long scar which goes up the side of Barack Obama head and over his crown.

There were rumors that claimed that they are scars that you would see on someone who has had brain surgery. But without medical records (along with his school records and birth certificate) no one seems to be able to provide an answer as to the cause of the mystery scars.

Until now.  Dr. Thomas Yablonski, a top neurologist at Houston’s The Methodist Hospital, carefully. examined high-resolution photographs and high-powered, long-distance brain scans.  His conclusion:  President Barack Obama has had brain surgery. “I’m not sure exactly what the procedure was, but that scar clearly indicates a common incision made into the brain.,” said Dr. Yablonski.

Sarah Palin has already jumped on this issue. “Whatever happened to create that scar, it was clearly something serious. Was it a brain operation? Has it affected his thinking?  I think it has,” said Palin.

“I think someone like George Soros implanted a brain chip in the President’s skull and his controlling his thoughts and actions,” said Glenn Beck on his Fox show on Friday.”

Donald Trump had this to say about the issue.  “No one is allowed to see his birth certificate.  And nobody is allowed to see his medical records.  But I have people down in Washington investigating this issue.  You can’t believe what they will find.”

Many inside are speculating that whatever the surgery was for, it y might explain why the President gets lost speaking without a teleprompter, and posted a video of Obama struggling through a speech, repeating his words and getting lost mid-sentence.

A spokeswoman from the White House said they were not willing to comment on Obama’s brain surgery, saying they were ‘ridiculous’.

But many neurosurgeons across the U.S. and around the world are confirming what Dr. Yablonski has stated:  Obama had some kind of brain surgery.

Without medical records or an admission from the White House, the public may never know the answer to the question, along with the contents of his birth certificate.

What did they do to Obama’s brain?  Why?

Do you know the answer?

NEW YORK – Glenn Beck is out at Fox News and his replacement is:  Ed Anger!

Glenn Beck will end his daily Fox News Channel program later this year.   Soon after, Fox News announced that they have hired WWN’s own, Ed Anger to replace him.

Beck’s departure was announced in a statement on Wednesday by Fox  Mr. Beck’s company, Mercury Radio Arts and Weekly World News.

As expected, a senior Fox News executive, Joel Cheatwood, will join Mr. Beck at Mercury Radio Arts starting later this month.  WWN’s own, Frank Lake, will replace Cheatwood at Fox and will be producing the show with Ed Anger himself.

Mr. Beck’s contract with Fox ends in December and Ed Anger’s contract begins that same month.

The statement was briefly posted on The Blaze, a Web site owned by Mr. Beck, but it was then taken down. Representatives for Fox and Mr. Beck did not immediately explain why.   Weekly World News can confirm that Beck is stepping down to let Anger take over.

“There are only a few people on the planet, I would give up my slot on Fox News for,” said Beck.  “I’ve modeled my whole career on Ed Anger and it gives me great pleasure to know that he will be taking over for me at Fox, and I know he will do a fantastic job.”

Roger Ailes had this to say about Ed Anger:  “We want outspoken, strong voices on Fox and there is nobody out there with a more original, more hard-hitting voice than Ed Anger, who will be taking over the 5 pm slot, come December.”

Beck is a hugely popular figure on Fox News, averaging 2.2 million viewers each weekday, though his ratings have fallen somewhat in the last year. He is beloved by his fans for speaking out against what he sees as threats from progressives. His opponents — and there are many — condemn him for his conspiratorial views and apocalyptic predictions.

Ed Anger is equally beloved and Fox is already predicting average viewership of 3 million each day – which will rival Bill O’Reilly’s show.

In the statement on Wednesday, Mr. Beck said he would be starting a “new phase” of a partnership with Roger Ailes, the chairman of Fox News and Ed Anger. “I truly believe that America owes a lot to Ed Anger and Fox News,” he said.

Stay tuned to WWN for the latest updates to this breaking story!!

I’m madder than Jesse Jackson without a rhyming dictionary because these union thugs are making our states go broke!

It’s time to get rid of the unions!  We have got to 86 the AFL-CIO, send those union leaders back to the rat holes they climbed out of.

Now, Ed knows unions started for a good reason.

Ed’s grandfather joined a haberdasher union in New York City because they were making him work fifteen hour days in a shop that was never below a hundred and twenty degrees and they only let him go to the bathroom once a week and he had to eat his stale-cheese lunch in a dark basement next to the five-year-old children that were shoveling coal to power the steam presses.

But that was 1920!

Today the unions are getting over on the average citizen in America.  They got a scam that would make Madoff jealous!

Rank-and-file union members are driving fancy cars, getting million-dollar pensions, eating expensive French cheese served on fancy American crackers and wiping their asses with taxpayer dollars.

Union members get gold-plated healthcare, state-of-the-art gyms, hair transplants, breast implants, brain transplants – anything they want transplanted they get because the U.S. taxpayer has to bend over and let the unions have their way.

If a public service union member wants a sex change operation the American citizen will pay to have a penis pasted on or cut off.  That’s how crazy it has become!

These slimy, no-good, unions are causing all the states to go broke!

Ed says we take Norma Rae out back and beat her with a broom.

Ed says we dig up Jimmy Hoffa from Giants Stadium and smash his bones to smithereens with a union sledgehammer.

Ed says we get all the teamsters driving those big trucks that almost run me down on the highway, send them to China where they can make sneakers for twelve cents a hour and eat monkey brains for dinner.

I am tired of the unions robbing our states blind and holding the government hostage, while they sit in hot tubs with union hookers.

I’m tired of having to pay more for my healthcare while these union thugs get free healthcare for their extended families, including their pets!

I’m tired of teachers that can’t be fired even after they molest little boys and girls in their first grade classrooms.

I’m tired of the union label!

Who do these cheesehead teachers in Wisconsin think they’re fooling?!

They don’t care about the children, they only care about putting more gallons of Coca-Cola and supersized tubs of chocolate ice cream in the sub-zero refrigerators they keep in their McMansions.

They only care about getting more vacation days so they can go down to Cancun and drink margaritas with tax-payer dollars and buy more Mexican dope.  They want more sick days and more time off in the summer, so they can laugh at the rest of us as we go to work.

They want to get paid NOT to teach!

Ed says, it’s time for the nation to revolt!

Bust the unions!  Bust the unions! Bust the unions!

Ed Anger is leading the Bust the Union Revolution in America!

Are you with me?

Fill out the poll below, let’s see if you are a Union Whiner or a True American:

NEW YORK -  After leaving MSNBC tonight, Keith Olbermann signed with Fox News.

Keith Olbermann, who last November was suspended indefinitely without pay from MSNBC for donating to three Democratic candidates during the past election cycle but then was rehired – quit MSNBC tonight.

Olbermann is out at MSNBC!

“We didn’t like Keith made political contributions, but then he apologized and we hired him back and then we decided we should have fired him instead of suspending him and we should never have rehired him, but tonight he quit, even though we really fired him, so we’re all happy,” MSNBC president Phil Griffin said in a statement.

As soon as Roger Ailes, the head honcho of Fox News heard that Olbermann quit, he offered Keith a spot in the nightly lineup.  Olbermann, who said the money Ailes offered was three times what MSNBC was paying him, quickly accepted the deal.

In a statement Friday, Olbermann said, “I don’t like being a popular TV host on a channel that doesn’t love me.  I went over to Fox and Roger Ailes said that he loved me and I then I went back to MSNBC and told them that if they wanted to keep me they had to tell me they loved me even more and that they always loved me, but they didn’t say anything, not even an ‘it’s not you, it’s me.’  So, I quit and went over to Roger Ailes who gave me a big bear hug.  He loves me, he really loves me.”

Olbermann went on to say,  “I am thrilled to be joining the team at Fox News.  Mr. Ailes has assured me that I will continue to do my program in the same format, and with the same viewpoint, that I had at MSNBC.  I will continue to do the Worst Person in The World.  And my first Worst Person in The World on my new Fox News show will be MSNBC president, Phil Griffin.”

Olbermann will be replacing Greta Van Susteren in the 10 pm. slot.

Rachael Maddow went on the air to urge Olbermann to reconsider and return once again to MSNBC, but Olbermann said that he’d rather go to duck hunting with Dick Cheney than return to MSNBC.”

Fox News stars – Bill O’Reilly and Glenn Beck – were livid when they learned of Olbermann’s hiring.  “They have to run everything by me on this network.  Everything!”  O’Reilly said.   Ailes said he likes conflict between his hosts, “it keeps them on their toes.”

So there you have it… Keith Olbermann is joining Fox News, starting in four months.

Don’t miss it!!

NEW CANAAN, CT – Glenn Beck announced yesterday that he will be taking his controversial talk-show to China – permanently!

According to inside sources, Chinese media giant CCTV offered Glenn Beck a $3 billion dollar/year contract to move his show to China.

“We believe the Chinese people will embrace Beck’s love of government and respect for authority,” said Jin Yao, VP of Social Relations at CCTV. “He is an expert fearmonger and a skilled propagandist. The People’s Republic of China can only benefit from his scare tactics and fanaticism.”

Representatives from Glenn Beck’s television show, The Glenn Beck Program, say that the deal has already been finalized, and that Beck and his family have already purchased a home in Beijing.

“Glenn Beck is excited for the move,” said Alexandra Dumascis, Beck’s publicist. “He can’t wait to take his political extremism overseas and help the people of China become patriotic, red-blooded Communists.”

“He’s already brushing up on his Mandarin!” she added.

However, not everyone at Fox News shares in Beck’s excitement.

“Glenn Beck is a hypocrite,” said Fox personality Sean Hannity. “He’s violating all of his principles by selling out to China. How can he call himself an American?”

Others were less subtle.

“Glenn Beck is a Commie!” said Bill O’Reilly. “I always knew he’d betray his country sooner or later. All it took was the right amount of cash.”

“Glenn Beck, you are a disgrace to America!” added O’Reilly.

According to police reports, thousands of fans from across the country have taken to the streets in protest.

“We want to let Glenn Beck know that he’s a disgrace to American conservatism!” said Wendell Yastrimski, who organized a protest outside of Beck’s Connecticut home. “He’s a sell out and he should be ashamed of himself!”

Glen Beck refused to comment to major media outlets about his decision to defect. However, he did make a private call to the Weekly World News office to explain his motives.

“$3 billion dollars is a lot of money,” said Beck. “You’d have to be a complete idiot to turn down that much dough. The American people can complain all they want, but the truth is: I’d sell my soul to the devil for $3 billion bucks!”

NEW YORK  – Fox News today fired the hosts of Fox & Friends and replaced them with chimps.

Fox & Friends is going bananas!  Out go the monkeys, in come the chimps.

Why did Fox News toss aside their morning hosts like a used banana peel?

Jetpacks.

The hosts of Fox News morning show, Fox & Friends, reported that Los Angeles is going to spend $1 billion on jetpacks that can fly a person up to 63 miles per hour and soar to heights of 8,000 feet.

The hosts of the show – Steve Doocy, Brian Kilmeade and Gretchen Carlson – took credit for the story, but everyone in the nation knows that it was broken right here by WWN’s own, Frank Lake.

After doing a story about glazed donuts and how terrorists were using them to make people in New York City constipated, the hosts spent a half-hour talking about the jetpacks.  Their reportage was filled with gaping holes including Kilmeade making a wild claim about LAPD Helicopters.

Kilmead said, “”It’s a bloodbath up there.  Police choppers are shooting down Jetpack Law Enforcement Officers in the skies over L.A.”  Kilmeade then spent five minutes making “machine gun sounds” with his mouth.

Replaced by Chimps

Roger Ailes, President of Fox News Channel couldn’t take his moronic morning hosts anymore, so he fired them late last night.  Ailes wanted to hire Rick Sanchez to host Fox & Friends, but realized that Sanchez doesn’t have friends anymore.

Ailes came up with yet another brilliant “casting” idea… he hired 3 chimpanzees to take the place of the three fired hosts.

“I decided we should stick to our brand and hire hosts with underdeveloped frontal lobes,” Ailes said.

Ailes did a test show with the three chimps in front of a live audience.  “The audience couldn’t tell the difference. The audience thought the chimps had more intelligent things to say than Doocy, Kilmeade and Carlson – combined,” said Ailes.

To promote the new show with the three chimp hosts, Fox is bringing out the heavy guns this morning to sit on the Fox & Friends’ couch.  Bill O’Reilly will discuss his new book, Foxes on Fox,  Sean Hannity will be discussing President Obama’s bathing habits and Glenn Beck will explain to the chimps how evolution is nothing but a Progressive plot to take money and freedom away from all human beings – even the ones on Mars.

Kilmeade, Doocy and Carlson are still hosting their show in the backyard of Doocy’s New Jersey home.  “Our kids love us,”  Doocy said.

As for the chimps… they plan on taking over Fox News primetime by January 1, 2011.

NEW YORK, NY – Bill Clinton is getting some sharp words from an unexpected source.

Rachel Maddow falls in line with Glenn Beck and Bill O’Reilly - they share their opinion on anything and everything … even if you didn’t ask for it. They have become so empowered by their talk shows that they feel it gives them the right to make outlandish claims or be the moral compass on any issue. Maddow has feuded with her share of people, but she has recently started a new one with an individual who held a very important office.

In a recent segment on her show, Maddow compared the Barack Obama administration to Clinton’s. She noted that President Obama had been moving to the right on health care and she expressed how his presidency began looking like that of Clinton’s.

Maddow said, “What we ended up with is what we ended up with, in my opinion, is the two terms of the Clinton administration, which is that Bill Clinton was probably the best Republican president the country ever had, if you look at the policies that he passed.”

Oh no you didn’t! Good old Bill is not amused or pleased by your comments. So much so, that in responding to you, he doesn’t feel you deserve to be mentioned by name.

While speaking alongside Tony Blair at the National Constitution Center in Philadelphia, Clinton took exception with the comments Maddow made on her program in March.

“One of the leading commentators on one of our liberal cable channels said i was the best Republican president the country ever produced, which would come as quite a surprise to the Republicans, half of whom still think I’m a closet communist,” he said.

“What she meant by that was I didn’t necessarily follow their ‘conventional wisdom,” he added. “I said, ‘What do you mean?!’”

Take that Maddow. How does it taster?! Wild Bill takes nothing from no one. Perhaps she should focus her attention on more meaningful things – when we decide what that is, we’ll let her know. Thoughts?