NEW YORK, NY – An arbitration panel ruled in favor of the owner of a Glenn Beck parody site called glennbeckrapedandmurderedayounggirlin1990.com.

During that Watergate thing, they used to say “follow the money.” Now it’s more like “follow the ambulance!”

I guess the Teleprompter Kid has nothing better to do than get mad that not everybody loves him.

NEW YORK, NY – Glenn Beck tweeted about appropriating Yom Kippur as a day to pray “for the Republic.”

LOS ANGELES – Last night the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences held the 2009 Emmy Awards. Weekly World News was on hand at the illustrious event.

NEW YORK, NY – The Left Wing is furious over inaccuracies in Time Magazine’s story on Glenn Beck. Independent research shows he is NOT king of a small Pacific island.

NEW YORK, NY – Oliver Stone premiered his new film about Hugo Chavez this weekend, with Chavez as his date.

I’m happier than a Labrador Retriever at a wading pool!

NEW YORK, NY – Fox News stated yesterday that America is not pure since people marry “other species and ethnics.” Mutants around the country are now up in arms.

NEW YORK, NY – Fox News commentator Glenn Beck is taking time out from his various news shows to do comedy.