During that Watergate thing, they used to say “follow the money.” Now it’s more like “follow the ambulance!”

A few days back, that great patriotic American Glenn Beck had to go off the air, supposedly because he got sick.

But don’t be naive: this is all part of the Teleprompter Kid’s plot against Fox News!

Don’t believe the hype about his appendix attacking him! That’s what they WANT you to believe. It is a well-known fact that the CIA is working on ways to give diseases to people it doesn’t like: Castro, the Ayatollah, Jane Fonda.

A secret agent put something fishy in Glenn’s M&Ms and now we see the results! Don’t be naive, people!

The Communist in Chief is mad because Glenn made fun of him for saying that doctors just want to cut off your legs for money! Obama wants Beck to turn around and say government medicine is good after all!  But we all know Glenn would rather give up bacon cheeseburgers than betray his loyal followers.

My fellow Americans: the time has come to forget looking for Obama’s birth certificate and track down Glenn Beck’s X-rays instead. They hold the key to this botched assassination mystery!

The Teleprompter Kid wants to take out the talk show guys one by one.

Next thing you know, Rush Limbaugh will suddenly get tonsillitis and Sean Hannity will have a hernia. Unless you want to see Mark Levin come down with gallstones, we must act now against this evil Obama conspiracy!