ATHENS, GA – Kim Jong Il has been sighted at a record store in Athens, Georgia.

North Korea’s formerly deceased communist dictator was seen perusing used records at Wuxtry, the same store where the band R.E.M. was formed

Notably absent from the public eye for months, Kim Jong Il has been recently been spotted in small towns throughout the American heartland. North Korean officials deny these claims, sating “Preposterous! Our Glorious Leader is dead, working tirelessly for the people from the afterlife.”

Here he is relaxing in his Georgia apartment:

Although attempting to blend in, Kim Jong Il attracted unwanted attention when he began happily singing along to Dave Matthews’ “Under the Table and Dreaming” at a listening station.

After nearly two hours of careful consideration he left the store with albums by Tom Waits, Neutral Milk Hotel, and Johnny Cash on vinyl. Before leaving he picked up a flier for a house party at the nearby University of Georgia. Investigation has yet to conclude whether the communist leader attended the kegger.

The miracle birth happened in Velistsikhe, Georgia.

The tiny brown and white lamb can be seen nursing from its mother and maneuvering happily around its stable home.

The lamb appears to be quite tame as it is hoisted up and around by farmer Abadzhanov Albert, who beams from ear to ear throughout a video (below).

His family are also impressed with the leggy critter, and a youngster can be seen tenderly stroking its soft fur.

Abadzhanov explained the birth had caused chatter amongst locals and his peers.

He said: ‘I have been asking the other shepherds, but none of them remember such case.

‘There were three-legged lambs, one-eyed, but not six-legged, bisexual one. The lamb eats well, but moves with difficulty.’

Genetic mutations in animals are relatively common.  Check out this cow:

And here’s a video of the little lamb:

Archeologists Georgia are claiming that they have discovered some ancient Mayan ruins.

Almost everyone has been taught that the  Mayan people thrived in Central America from about 250 to 900 A.D., building magnificent temples in Guatemala, Honduras, Belize and southern Mexico.

Not so… they also built temples in the mountains of North Georgia.

Richard Thornton, an architect by training, has been researching the history of native people in and around Georgia for years.  He wrote about an 1,100-year-old archeological site near Georgia’s highest mountain, Brasstown Bald.  Another archeologist, Taylor Manon of Atlanta said “we have positively identified this as the site of the fabled city of Yupaha, which Spanish explorer Hernando de Soto failed to find in 1540.”

Archeologist Mark Williams of the University of Georgia, doesn’t believe.  ”This is total and complete bunk. There is no evidence of Maya in Georgia. Move along now.”

But WWN has spoken with top archeologists from around the world that have traveled to North Georgia to examine the site.  The conclusion:  Thornton is right.  The Mayans did have a settlement in Georgia!

Thornton, who said he is Georgia Creek Indian by birth, volunteered that doing research about Mesoamerican culture in the U.S. has been a difficult way to make a living, but is happy to be finally vindicated.

Some of his conclusions about the Mayan connection to the southern U.S., he said, are based on oral history. There are place names in Georgia and North Carolina, he said, that are very similar to Mayan words. And the ruins near Brasstown Bald, he said, include mounds and irrigation terraces similar to those found at Mayan settlements in Central America.

The Georgia Tourism board is already setting up tourist packages for those who want to see the Mayan ruins.  ”We think it will be a particularly hot site to see, especially this year, which the Mayans predicted would be the last for mankind.”

So, get on down to Georgia and see the Mayan ruins!!

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ORANGE BEACH, AL – Brain-eating amoeba have been found in the Alabama water supply and communities in Mississippi.

Several  lifeguards succumbed to a bug known as the “brain-eating amoeba,” according to reports.   There have been over thirty-five deaths this month in Alabama and Mississippi alone.  With more reports coming out of the Florida panhandle.

The lifeguards died from meningitis.  Naegleria fowleri — or “brain-eating amoeba” as it is sometimes known — was originally suspected as the cause.

Several teenagers who were nearby thought zombies were responsible for the bug -  NOT the amoeba.

“I think I saw a few ole zombies in the water and maybe they had amoebas in their mouth or in their butts.  But the lifeguards were bitten by zombies, that’s why they died.  For sure.  I knows it,” said Tyler Biggs of Selma.

Zombies have long been suspected of being carriers of brain-eating amoeba.  “Yes, of course, they can eat the brain directly, but they also like to use amoeba for a more subtle way of attacking victims,” said Zombologist, Dr. John Blanton.   “Like all of us, zombies get bored and want to kill in new and unique ways.”

Some say that Michele Bachmann contracted the amoeba after being bitten by a zombie (reportedly her husband) last week when she was in Florida campaigning.

Health department officials told WWN that these were isolated incidents, but WWN has confirmed that though the amoeba may be contained, the zombies are not.

“We gots a zombie epidemic down here,” said Jeb Stuart of Orange Beach.  “Zombies are everywhere.  I got my gun ready.”

Mr. Stuart’s brain was eaten by a zombie before WWN could follow-up with him.

ATLANTA -  A mystery red fireball was seen above Atlanta last night.  Authorities confirm it was a UFO.

In the last two months there have been an increase number of UFO sightings – red UFOs, blue UFOs, red streaks across the sky, green streaks across the skies…  As reported on this blog before, the U.S. Government is covering up the ongoing alien invasion, documented extensively by the United Nations Panel on Extraterrestrials.

Last night in Atlanta, there was another UFO sighting.

A DeKalb man happened to have a camera rolling when what looks like a fireball floated in the sky overhead last week. Or maybe it was just an optical illusion created by a passing aircraft.

Charsign Raymond, of Clarkston, was visiting a friend’s apartment just west of downtown Stone Mountain when his friend’s wife happened to drive up.

“She ran in and said, ‘Look, you’ve all got to see this,” Raymond recalled.

Raymond, 39, had been playing with his video recorder, and he got out of the apartment in time to capture whatever it was in the sky.

It looks like a double-barreled ball of fire falling toward earth.

Raymond contacted the AJC last weekend with his find and later loaned a reporter his videotape so the AJC could publish it here.

On Monday, a reporter visited the site where Raymond shot the video. The apartment is off the intersection of Memorial Drive and James B. Rivers Memorial Drive. Raymond’s camera was aimed at the southwestern sky.

The DeKalb Police Department had no reports of fireballs hitting the county recently.

Mekka Parish, a police department spokeswoman, said she probably would have heard about it if one had.

“Interesting, but I didn’t hear a rumor about something like that,” she told the AJC on Monday.

This incident, which occurred at around 5:30 p.m. on Nov. 28, is about as strange as the unexplained explosion that rocked Villa Rica west of Atlanta two days earlier.

People in three counties — Carroll, Douglas and Haralson — complained about hearing a loud boom around 9:45 p.m. on Nov. 26. Police officers and firefighters responded to the Mirror Lake neighborhood in Villa Rica, but found nothing — not even smoke — that would indicate something had exploded.

Authorities there later guessed that the noise had been a sonic boom, but the Federal Aviation Administration said there were no commercial aircraft fast enough to produce such a noise.

WWN has learned from insiders in the CIA that last night’s red streak was, in fact, a UFO… and is part of the ongoing alien invasion – which is projected to last until 2015.

They’re coming, they are here… when are you going to believe?

Here’s the YouTube video from last night:

PORT SAINT LUCIE, FL – Gangs are springing up in Wal-Marts around the country, but shoppers continue to risk it in search of good deals.

Gangs have recently been discovered which operate entirely within Wal-Mart stores.  They have been seen attacking shoppers; taking their unpurchased items, stealing the wheels off their carts, or spray-painting their tags on customers. A few brave souls have sent warnings via text message or email to friends and family.

Henry Devino, a Massachusetts contractor, was assaulted just last week.  After turning the corner into the wrong aisle, Mr. Devino was attacked.  He was later found in the fabric section, caulked to a wall with Spongebob underpants over his eyes ($3.99) and bruises in the shape of a Tottino’s hard salami ($2.99).

“It was scary, but I’ll probably be coming back.  In times like this, how can you say no to those prices?”

In places like Port Saint Lucie, Florida, Burlington, Vermont, and Stamford, Connecticut, shoppers are on high alert.  Greeters in some stores have begun handing out Kevlar vests to women and children entering the store.

The gangs are believed to have originated with children and the elderly who became lost in the superstores and forgotten.  Banding together for protection, they grew up and learned to survive in the tough aisles of Wal-Mart.

Given the massive size of most Wal-Mart superstores, the gangs are able to easily evade detection for weeks at a time.

A special Wal-Mart police force was called in at one store, resulting in a shoot-out in the linen section which claimed four lives and tens of dollars in ruined merchandise.

Police are issuing warnings of the Wal-Mart Gang initiation: the Big Rollback.  The initiation involves a stolen chainsaw, riding lawnmower and several gallons of vegetable oil.  After cutting a couch in half the initiate will do donuts in the riding lawn mower on an oil slicked floor, before disappearing back into the superstore.

ATLANTA, GA – Following a trip to Australia where Anderson Cooper taped a shark special, he was treated to a surprise guest in the studio.

Cooper traveled to the coast of Australia to investigate the tourism destination increasingly popular for boat trips that offer the opportunity to swim with sharks without the aid of cages.

Argued to be both educational and entertaining, the pastime has been under critical review for many years.

What Cooper expected to be a routine trip turned out to be much more when one of the sharks, a seven-year old female named Lorna, became infatuated with the silver-haired bachelor.

“Lorna is usually one of the less friendly sharks out there,” Captain Argul Sherman of the Swim With Sharks Boat Tour told reporters. “We were surprised at how playful she became after Anderson went for his swim. She kept swimming along side the boat, continually turning over to show her underside, a common mating practice in dolphins but rarely seen in sharks.”

Cooper, who planned to leave the smitten shark in Australia, never expected to see Lorna on the set of Anderson Cooper 360, especially not with a bouquet of flowers.

“The whole thing was very flattering,” Cooper said with a blush on CNN’s Morning Show. “During a commercial break I took Lorna aside and told her that she is very sweet and I enjoyed swimming with her.”

“I thanked her for the flowers but said that I didn’t see a future for us. I’m not looking for a relationship at the moment, and to be honest, she just isn’t my type.”

When asked what his type is, he tactfully dodged the question while slowly turning over a portrait of a very lovely wildebeest.

ATLANTA, GA – Following four extra weeks of campaigning, Democratic challenger, Jim Martin lost by an impressive 15 percent.

On Election Day, no single candidate received 50 percent of the votes plus one, so under Georgia election law, the race would bpe decided by a run-off election of the top two candidates, Martin and incumbent Republican Saxby Chambliss.

“This was an important race for the Democrats,” PhD Ape said in a statement early this morning, “with two races lingering and two seats away from a filibuster proof super-majority in the Senate, Democrats were fighting hard for Georgia.  Not only were their hopes of that majority dashed last night, so too were their hopes of Georgia turning blue.”

“Jim Martin is a good man and dedicated public servant.  He looks forward to continuing to serve the people of Georgia by doing… whatever it is he did before running for Senate.”

The run-off election brought out some of the brightest stars on both sides of the aisle.  Chambliss rolled out former Massachusetts’ Governor Mitt Romney as well as failed VP-candidate Sarah Palin.  Martin had the support of Vice President Al Gore in addition to political consultants Ludacris and TI.

Despite Ludacris’ confusing performance of his hit single ‘Politics’ in which he criticizes not only President Bush but also Hillary Clinton and John McCain, it was not enough to save Martin from an embarrassing loss.

JEKYLL ISLAND, GA – A terrifying creature with the head of a man and the scaly body of an alligator was seen making its way along Georgia’s Jekyll Island – and frightened scientists are pleading with citizens to stay away!

“Numerous witnesses saw the manigator stumbling along the beach ,” said Officer Dave Jones.

“He appeared to be very inebriated; two of the men said they smelled the beer on him before they saw the can in his hand.”

Witnesses are also reporting he was extremely belligerent to a seagull he passed by, slurring “You don’t know me… You don’t KNOW me!”

Scientists believe he is making his way south into the state of Florida, but have admittedly lost track of him.

Will he play a hand in Florida’s election chaos? Weekly World News will continue to follow these reports.

HARRISON, Ga. — Flip Mallard thought he’d finally be free of annoying telemarketers.

“I got a new number and promptly registered with the National Do Not Call List so I could say goodbye to unsolicited sales pitches,” the twenty-seven-year-old dishwasher told Weekly World News. “The only folks who would have my number would be friends and family.”

Silence was golden for a few weeks until Mallard began receiving calls in the middle of the night.

“It was way past two in the morning when the phone rang,” he said. “I scowled at the Caller ID, which read ‘Caller Unknown — Out of Area.’ Furious at being awakened, I picked up the phone, determined to give whoever it was a severe tongue-lashing.

“At first there was silence, then a low pulsing hum as if I were being connected over vast distances,” he said. “Suddenly, I heard what sounded like a cat caught in a blender. In the midst of all that shrieking, I could’ve sworn I heard my name. I figured it was my creepy coworker, Rob Bendis, trying to ‘punk’ me so I screamed right back. He screamed. I screamed. We both screamed — for a full five minutes.

“I finally hung up,” he said. “But moments later a bright beam of light shot from the night sky into my bedroom. A hologram of slithering, tentacled vaguely humanoid creatures with multiple breasts danced by my bed. It was like an extraterrestrial version of Girls Gone Nova! — and somehow I’d ordered it!

“That was when I realized I’d been alien telemarketed!”

In the weeks that followed, Mallard received more off-world sales calls.

“Evidently I was now fair game to every Tom, Dick and Q’uetztol out there,” he complained. “Since I had ‘bought’ once, my name and number had been made accessible to other ETelemarketers. Whenever the phone rang I was too scared to say anything, lest I accidentally order a molecular condensing weight loss program!”

The beleaguered — and tired — Mallard had no choice but to finally change his phone number again.

“Thankfully, the intergalactic calls stopped,” Mallard said. “I haven’t figured out how to cancel the holograms, though, so I guess I’ll have to change my debit card number as well.

“Fortunately, pennies go a long way on their world.”