NEW YORK – Sesame Street is going to have a gay wedding for Bert and Ernie.

Now that New York State has legalized same sex marriage, Sesame Street decided it is time for Bert and Ernie to admit that they are gay and tie the knot.

An organization called “Change.org” proposed the idea.

At first Sesame Street denied that they would be holding the wedding, but this morning sources closes to people on “the street” say that the wedding “is going down.”

“They’re keeping it quiet,” said Cookie Monster.  “They were going to have this big bash, but now it’s just gonna be a small thing.  It’s still gonna be hip.  And I talked them into passing on the cake and going with cookies.”

Cookie Monster took at jab at Michelle Obama, “I hope she’s not invited. She’s been a real drag the last year, talking about vegetables and fruits.  Not cool.”

Viewers had wondered for a long time questions if the o the bosom buddies were, in fact, gay.

For decades the pair have shared a close friendship, a bedroom in a small apartment with separate beds.  (The duo even wear similar striped shirts.)

Sesame Street, however, publicly denies that they are gay. They issued this statement:

Bert and Ernie are best friends. They were created to teach preschoolers that people can be good friends with those who are very different from themselves. Even though they are identified as male characters and possess many human traits and characteristics (as most Sesame Street Muppets™ do), they remain puppets, and do not have a sexual orientation.

But, insiders say that they are, in fact, gay and that the wedding is going on.  “Sesame Street isn’t ready to out them. But they’ve been lovers forever,” said a source close to Big Bird.

The wedding will be private, but WWN has made an exclusive agreement with Elmo to provide details.

Here’s a video showing “proof” that Bert and Ernie are gay:

HOLLYWOOD – Miley Cyrus hinted over the weekend that she will marry her “dear friend,” Anna Oliver.

Miley Cyrus has added a seventh tattoo, this time choosing an equal sign to symbolize her support for gay rights, and her upcoming gay marriage to Anna Oliver.

“ALL LOVE is equal,” Cyrus said Friday via Twitter, including a picture of her new ink:

But not all who love Miley were treated equally by one another in the wake of Cyrus’ reply to a follower who disagreed: “Where does it say in the bible to judge others? Oh right. It doesn’t. GOD is the only judge honey,” said the 18-year-old actress and singer, who has previously tweeted in favor of gay-marriage rights..

The follower, @MileyCyrusLuver, explained the objection by citing another Bible verse, then expressed surprise about another important matter: “1 Corinthians 6:9-11 explains why I don’t support it. And omg I can’t believe you replied to me!!”

But Cyrus’ had this reply: “Dude everyone lay off @MileyCyrusLuver. Love u! Everyone is entitled 2 opinions! ‘if u don’t stand 4 something you’ll fall for anything.’ “

Insiders close to Cyrus say that Miley plans on marrying Anna Oliver next June in Hawaii.

Still, on Sunday @MileyCyrusLuver was still fielding attack tweets, even after saying Saturday, “For the record!! @MileyCyrus DIDN’T make me cry. She was just replying back. Don’t blame her. What made me cry was the death threats.”

Miley has had gay lovers before.  Last year she dated this gal:

“Anna has been in love with Miley for years and she is looking forward to a long life with her.  They are already planning on adopting a baby,” said a source close to Oliver.

Billy Ray Cyrus is also happy.  “Hell, I’ve had the hots for Anna myself.  I’m happy for Miley.”

BURLINGTON, Vermont — The Emily Post Institute will publish its first guide for the proper gay wedding in late 2011.

“We’ve been overwhelmed on our website with questions about what to wear, what to give, and who to invite to a gay wedding. It’s a whole new world of weddings and etiquette,” explained Peggy Post, Emily Post’s great-granddaughter-in-law and director of The Emily Post Institute.

The guide will resemble EPI’s other venerable etiquette guides and include much of the same information, but with special consideration for gay and lesbian couples.

“Honestly, it’s not that different. Same sex couples want proper, classy affairs just like straight couples do. But some of the rules need adjusting. Should all of the groomsmen dress alike? Should each bride select her own colors? Who proposes and who buys the ring? These are the kinds of things that will be fine-tuned and clarified in the book,” Post continued.

 Post also revealed that EPI will launch a line of gay-friendly wedding supplies to coincide with the book’s release. Look out for their rainbow cocktail umbrellas and custom cake toppers.

CRAWFORD, TX – George W. Bush shocked his family, friends and the nation by announcing today that he is gay.

George W. Bush, whose memoir Decision Points will be released in October, spoke with reporters outside his Crawford Ranch.  “Fellas, I woke up this morning and told Laura that I just realized after all these years that I am gay.  I am a gay Texan.  And I tell you, I feel good about it.  I am gay as they make ‘em. Gay, gay, gay…”

This startling news came on heels of the announcement by Ken Mehlman, who headed the Republican National Committee between 2005 and 2007, that HE was gay.  Mehlman came out in an interview with the Atlantic’s Marc Ambinder:  “It’s taken me 43 years to get comfortable with this part of my life,” Mehlman said. “Everybody has their own path to travel, their own journey, and for me, over the past few months, I’ve told my family, friends, former colleagues, and current colleagues, and they’ve been wonderful and supportive. The process has been something that’s made me a happier and better person. It’s something I wish I had done years ago.”

George W. Bush immediately announced his support for Ken Mehlman.  “Ken’s done great work for this country and he’s one of the finest men I’ve every known.”  Apparently, according to Bush insiders, after making his statement of support, Bush went back to his ranch and sat on the porch in “deep contemplation.”   Bush stayed on the porch all night thinking – something he hadn’t done in years.  When the sun rose, Bush rushed into the house and told Laura that he had an incredible epiphany.  “I’m gay, Laura.  I just realized it. I’m gay!”

Laura Bush, and their two daughters, were both startled by the news.  “Are you sure, George?  It’s not something you ate is it?” Laura told George. “Nope, Laura.  I tell you, I was watching Ty Murray on the rodeo the other day and I think I felt something.  And after this Mehlman thing.. I know what it is.  It’s gay George Bush, that’s what it is.”

Gay groups across the country had mixed feelings about the news.  “We’re glad that George W. Bush finally came out of the closet and we stand by him in his decision.  But, frankly, we are a little saddened to know that the most evil man on the planet is one of us.  It’s a bittersweet,” said Taylor Jones of  The Advocate.

To celebrate his coming out, George W. Bush put on some leather chaps and headed for a local gay bar, Happy Tails, and ordered a “spritzer.”

WWN asked Former Bush Senior advisor, Karl Rove, about Bush coming out.  “You know what, I think George is confused.  I’m not sure he knows exactly what “gay” means.  I’m pretty sure he’s not gay.”

“Oh, Karl is gay, too. He knows it.”  George Bush exclaimed when he heard about Rove’s statement.

If true, maybe George will marry Karl?  You think?

MEXICO CITY – On Monday, lawmakers in Mexico City passed a bill to legalize gay marriage.  By Tuesday the city was in flames.

Politicians were excited over the new legislation, which passed to cheers of “Yes we could!  Yes we could!”  Unfortunately the passage of gay marriage triggered the downfall of society like it always does.

Once gay marriage was approved family units within the affected legal district immediately began to break down.  Parents abandoned their children to pursue their own hedonistic pursuits.  Children stopped respecting any authority and began loitering rampantly.  Grandparents rolled themselves into the streets to inspire panic.

Violence and disco erupted in the streets and by Tuesday Mexico City was a giant flaming mess.  Extras from a nearby film set dressed as Aztecs ran rampant and have re-dedicated the temple to Quetzalcoatl, the feathered serpent god.  Riot police were no match and were beaten back to the city limits as the fires and dancing continued well into the night.

This is only the latest of this unfortunate trend.  Other cities like Washington D.C. and Thessaloniki, Greece, have attempted to pass same sex marriage bills, all with similar results.  Thessaloniki could not pass counter legislation in time and fell into the sea.

Conservative politicians within Mexico City warned of the dangers of passing a bill allowing gay marriage.  Their cries went unheeded and the bill passed 32-20.  Now with civilization being torn apart they are the only hope.  Bills are being drafted and Aztec style blood sacrifices are all being used to try and correct the damage.

Mexico’s capital continues to be enveloped by chaos, emergency legislation is expected to repair most of the damage before New Years

WASHINGTON, DC – The District of Columbia legalized gay marriage yesterday, and society has already begun to crumble.

Yesterday the City Council for the District of Columbia voted to legalize marriage among same-sex partners.  The fabric of society immediately began to come apart.  National Guard troops have been unable to restore order.

Riots have broken out throughout the DC area.  Otherwise calm and peaceful people have taken to looting and burning everything in site, however they are not rioting because of the passage of the law.  When asked why, rioters responded, “Nothing means anything anymore!  There’s no reason not to!”  Indeed, with one of the basic tenants of society shattered, lawlessness has descended on the District of Columbia.

Hedonistic revelry has also befallen our nation’s capital.  The Washington Monument was turned into a giant maypole, where all the Congressional pages danced naked in a fertility rite.  Prostitutes and interns were seen giving lapdances to the Lincoln Memorial.  Senators and lobbyists erected a wicker man on the Washington Mall that was filled with Bibles and copies of “Are you There, God? It’s Me, Margaret” then burned in effigy.

Family’s driving through the district have noticed the effect as soon as they pass the border.  Once they have crossed over into a land where gay marriage is legal, children immediately begin disrespecting their parents, family units break down, and chaos breaks out.  If they are lucky enough to get to the other side and leave DC, normalcy resumes and they have no idea why they behaved that way.  Motorists are being advised to avoid DC at all costs.

Scientists suggest an immediate evacuation of the District of Columbia.  “Given the geographic confines of this hysteria, it seems the most likely solution would be to remove anyone who is still inside.  Once the general population is safe from the effects of gay marriage, 12 city council members in Haz-Mat suits can be sent in to repeal the law.  That should make the District safe again for civilized habitation.”

I’m madder than a drag queen who’s run out of duct tape over this gay marriage business.

Marriage is meant to be between one man and one woman – and one mother-in-law. If these namby-pambies get their druthers, the next step is same-sex in-laws!

Mark my words: every husband in America will have to have not one but TWO mothers in law, on the Supreme Court’s say so. Then men will be twice as wrong about everything, and driving too fast twice as often, too. Twice the nagging, twice the chores – and double the stink of Absorbine Jr you can’t get out of the damn house! (Why do you think they call it “Ben-Gay”? It’s all part of the conspiracy!)

You won’t be left out, wives. With TWO mothers in law, you’ll get twice the snide remarks about your “interesting” new hairdo or recipe for stuffing, and twice the “tsk tsks” when you reach for that second Krispy Kreme.

It’ll be equality gone crazy!

Those Gay Pride Parades were bad enough. My fellow Americans, the Man Upstairs didn’t mean for us to prance buck naked down Main Street U.S.A, in the fresh air and sunshine, playing disco music full blast. That’s why He gave us dark, smoky strip joints with sticky floors.

This all started when they put Paul Lynde in the center square. Ever since then, those gay libbers kept squeezing more K-Y onto the slippery slope, and America is going to hell in a fruit basket.

Soon our kids will be reciting the Pledge of Gay-legiance in school!

Call me a “homoglobin” if you will. But when they carve Cher’s face onto Mount Rushmore, don’t say I didn’t warn you!

JACKSONVILLE, FL – Rick Warren was attacked by the half-alligator mutant Manigator at a press conference earlier today.

Since being asked to give the opening prayer for the Obama inauguration, Warren has been the cause of much protest due to his history of opposing gay marriage.  Warren called an emergency press conference this morning to address the criticism.

However before he could begin his meeting was crashed by Manigator.

Slamming the doors open, the diminutive reptile-man immediately filled the room with the smell of stale alcohol, tripping over the carpet and steadying himself by grabbing the bosom of a female reporter.  Through a damp cigarette he slurringly yelled to Warren, “You show em what… yeah!”

Rick Warren, mortified, tried to get through a prepared statement focusing on cooperation between people of different beliefs.  Unfortunately his every sentence was punctuated by Manigator, yelling his support for intolerance using vulgar language and controlled flatulence.

Putting down his cards Warren calmly asked Manigator to please leave, and that he could not accept his support.

Manigator, stunned, shed a single tear while swaying drunkenly in the press conference.  Then he threw a beer bottle at Rick Warren before launching into another tirade using more vulgarity and flatulence.

Security removed Manigator, who was heard yelling “I’m not crying!  Don’t you think I’m crying!”

Shaken, Warren called the conference off without answering any questions.

Two CNN reporters will be filing sexual harassment suits against Manigator.

NEW YORK, NY – Bat Boy was spotted taking part in Proposition 8 protests this past weekend.

All across the country, citizens united in protest of California’s Proposition 8 to strictly define marriage between a man and a woman, as well as other anti-same-sex marriage laws that were passed on November 4.

Bat Boy was seen outside City Hall with “PROP 8″ with an X through it painted across his chest. While Bat Boy was unable to convey his feelings through words, he did send his high-pitched squeaks of dissent echoing across the plaza.

Many mutants turned out for these protests. Mutant rights organizers explained that a number of mutants, such as the Manigator, are born from interspecial relations. Legalizing gay marriage is one step closer to allowing these unconventional unions to be officially recognized.

Manigator was not present at the rallies, as he was too busy getting “tore up” with his sewer alligator cousins.

NEW HAVEN, CT – The Chaos Cloud settled over New Haven City Hall yesterday in preparation for the start of official gay marriages.

Barbara and Robin Levine-Ritterman, one of the eight couples who successfully sued the state to allow same-sex marriage, received the first marriage license Wednesday morning. However, their photos may come out a little dark as the Chaos Cloud was hovering right above them.

Like some experts, the couple believes the Cloud is there to ward off potential anti-gay marriage demonstrators. “We don’t think the Cloud feels either way about same-sex marriages. We just think he’s here to keep the peace, so to speak,” said Barbara.