NEW YORK  – Minutes after President Obama’s speech, Donald Trump has demanded to see Osama Bin Laden’s Death Certificate!

The mastermind of the worst terrorist attack on American soil is dead, U.S. President Barack Obama announced late Sunday night, almost 10 years after the attacks that killed more than 3,000 people.

Osama bin Laden — the longtime leader of al Qaeda — was killed by U.S. forces in a mansion outside the Pakistani capital of Islamabad along with other family members, a senior U.S. official told WNN.

Soon after, WWN received a call from Donald Trump.  “I will not believe that Osama Bin Laden is dead until I see the long-form death certificate!”

When WWN told Trump that the U.S. has Osama’s body, Trump wasn’t convinced.  “Until I see the body in my boardroom, along with the long-form death certificate, I will NOT believe he is dead.  Obama lies about everything, we can’t believe it, until we see the death certificate.”

Trump was told that U.S. officials have taken custody of bin Laden’s body, Obama said. No Americans were harmed in the operation, he added..

Trump said that Obama purposely broke into the last few minutes of Celebrity Apprentice to make the announcement. “Obama has had it out for me all weekend.  He waited until the last fifteen minutes of my show and then he cuts in to make his fake announcement about Osama.  I want to see the death certificate!!”

WWN repeatedly told Trump that Osama Bin Laden was dead.   This reporter got into a fight with Donald, who said if I was your boss at WWN I’d tell you – “you’re fired!”

LOS ANGELES, CA – PhD Ape was called in by VH1 to host a new celebrity rehab show.

PhD Ape, the world’s smartest primate, was asked to help the overwhelmed Dr. Drew Leary give psychological treatment to addicted celebrities.

Dr. Drew, who has his own celebrity rehabilitation show, was attacked by Gary Busey during a standard therapy session last week.  Busey was on the verge of a breakthrough when he suddenly pounced on Dr. Drew pinning him to the floor.  Cameras continued to roll as Gary Busey held down the doctor for 20 minutes, slapping him in the face while providing motivational “Busey-isms.”   

Producers saw the need for a world class psychotherapist who also weighs 350 lbs and could rip a phonebook in half.  PhD Ape was very hesitant at first but agreed to come in and film the pilot episode. 

A pilot was taped in Los Angeles earlier this week.  Filming included several hours of intense therapy, requiring several boxes of tissues, three tranquilizer darts and two ice cream sundaes.  Eventually cameras caught the tear-filled breakthrough they were waiting for wherein Busey apologized to Dr. Drew and poured out his remaining bottles of alcohol.     

When asked if his show had been picked up, PhD Ape responded, “Yes, the executives were interested but I turned down their offer.  Right now I would rather focus my energies on a more traditional practice.”

Gary Busey was last seen towing a cannon towards the Mexican border.