NEW YORK – The New York Yankees have hired Hank Williams Jr. to write a theme song for the Yankees.

After watching Hank Williams Jr.’s appearance on “The View” today, Yankee general manager, Brain Cashman, invited Bocephus to Yankee Stadium.  Within an hour Cashman and Williams reportedly inked a deal in which Williams will pen a new Yankee Theme Song as well as a song for Major League Baseball (and a birthday song for Cashman’s daughter).

Williams wore a Mickey Mantle shirt on the The View because he felt that Mickey Mantle was  bridge between Oklahoma and New York City and he would be a bridge between Nashville and New York City.

Last week Williams burned a number of bridges.

Last week, Williams compared a golf game between President Obama and House Speaker John Boehner to a meeting between Adolph Hitler and Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu during an appearance on Fox and Friends.  Since then, he has been fired by ESPN as a pregame questioner of the nation’s readiness for football, and has released his own song which raises his middle fingers to to his foes (in particular Fox and Friends and ESPN.) Today he appeared on The View to explain himself in a roller coaster of a segment.

CHECK OUT WILLIAMS NEW SONG: Keep The Change, Bashing Fox and Friends and ESPN

Bocephus was not specifically comparing Obama to Hitler; he was simply drawing an analogy of opposites (and pulled out a dictionary for Sherri Shepherd to read aloud.) He also appears to hold most of his anger for the Disney corporation (who owns both ESPN and The View), to whom he appeared to blame for an infringement of his First Amendment rights (though it’s not clear how or why.)

There are many reasons why Williams Jr. deserves credit for going on a Disney-owned television show to explain his side of the brouhaha, not least of which is his decision to wear a Mickey Mantle Yankees jersey. Mantle bridged the gap between Oklahoma and NYC, just as Bocephus himself was aiming to do as well.

Check out Bocephus on The View:

NEW YORK  – Fox News today fired the hosts of Fox & Friends and replaced them with chimps.

Fox & Friends is going bananas!  Out go the monkeys, in come the chimps.

Why did Fox News toss aside their morning hosts like a used banana peel?

Jetpacks.

The hosts of Fox News morning show, Fox & Friends, reported that Los Angeles is going to spend $1 billion on jetpacks that can fly a person up to 63 miles per hour and soar to heights of 8,000 feet.

The hosts of the show – Steve Doocy, Brian Kilmeade and Gretchen Carlson – took credit for the story, but everyone in the nation knows that it was broken right here by WWN’s own, Frank Lake.

After doing a story about glazed donuts and how terrorists were using them to make people in New York City constipated, the hosts spent a half-hour talking about the jetpacks.  Their reportage was filled with gaping holes including Kilmeade making a wild claim about LAPD Helicopters.

Kilmead said, “”It’s a bloodbath up there.  Police choppers are shooting down Jetpack Law Enforcement Officers in the skies over L.A.”  Kilmeade then spent five minutes making “machine gun sounds” with his mouth.

Replaced by Chimps

Roger Ailes, President of Fox News Channel couldn’t take his moronic morning hosts anymore, so he fired them late last night.  Ailes wanted to hire Rick Sanchez to host Fox & Friends, but realized that Sanchez doesn’t have friends anymore.

Ailes came up with yet another brilliant “casting” idea… he hired 3 chimpanzees to take the place of the three fired hosts.

“I decided we should stick to our brand and hire hosts with underdeveloped frontal lobes,” Ailes said.

Ailes did a test show with the three chimps in front of a live audience.  “The audience couldn’t tell the difference. The audience thought the chimps had more intelligent things to say than Doocy, Kilmeade and Carlson – combined,” said Ailes.

To promote the new show with the three chimp hosts, Fox is bringing out the heavy guns this morning to sit on the Fox & Friends’ couch.  Bill O’Reilly will discuss his new book, Foxes on Fox,  Sean Hannity will be discussing President Obama’s bathing habits and Glenn Beck will explain to the chimps how evolution is nothing but a Progressive plot to take money and freedom away from all human beings – even the ones on Mars.

Kilmeade, Doocy and Carlson are still hosting their show in the backyard of Doocy’s New Jersey home.  “Our kids love us,”  Doocy said.

As for the chimps… they plan on taking over Fox News primetime by January 1, 2011.

NEW YORK, NY – Fox News stated yesterday that America is not pure since people marry “other species and ethnics.”  Mutants around the country are now up in arms.

On the Fox and Friends morning show Brian Kilmead made the comment that a French study on Alzheimers in marriage did not apply to Americans because “we keep marrying other species and ethnics.”  He went on “See, the problem is the Swedes have pure genes. Because they marry other Swedes…. Finns marry other Finns, so they have a pure society. In America we marry everybody.”

Take a look:

America’s mutant population is furious at the comment.  Spokesman from the Mutant Anti-Defamation League Gary Wannamaker said “We feel Mr. Kilmead’s comments that we take away from the purity of American society is ignorant and offensive.  In many ways, mutants add to the richness of American life.”  Mr. Wannamaker described the work he had done with Habitat for Humanity with his half-spider wife and their 47 children.

America’s favorite mutant, Bat Boy, took to the streets to protest outside the Fox News Headquarters in New York.  Bat Boy, still in town from the July 4th celebrations, was outraged at what he had seen on a television in a store window.  The precocious mutant marched alone in protest outside Fox’s midtown headquarters for hours with a homemade sign.  In time he was joined by Manigator, still wanted in this state for impersonating a doctor, and in town for reasons yet unknown.

When asked what they had to say about the comment Bat Boy screeched especially loudly, pointing angrily at the Fox News headquarters, then bit off a section of his own sign.  Manigator had this to say “Heythereman, ya know, cause, They said mutants is bad, ‘n not pure, an This is AMERICA!  Thank You!?  Land of the braves, who’re they to tell me I gotta wear pants in Times Square when ain’t a bit a…”  That was when he passed out, spilling his 40 of malt liquor.

Fox News’ comments calling for a purification of American society has received some positive feedback.  A fraternal brotherhood based out of the south which wishes to remain anonymous has expressed their support, as have several elderly Germans living in South America.  Glenn Beck is expected to cry about this later today.