NEW YORK, NY – The Statue of Liberty is opening to visitors again on July 4th. Police are on high alert for America’s favorite mutant, Bat Boy.

I’m madder than a wet firecracker! Tomorrow is Independence Day, the 4th of July, but our great nation is going down the toilet.

WASHINGTON, DC – Alien warriors had planned to attack Earth this Saturday, but the doomsday invasion has been averted – thanks to President Obama’s secret negotiations!

I can’t believe it: Obama just invited a bunch of crazy foreigners to a Fourth of July party!