WASHINGTON, DC – A message intercepted by NASA’s Pioneer 10 has been leaked, exposing a horrifying invasion that’s been going on for centuries…

WASHINGTON, DC – President Obama is opening the door to Cuba. The two countries will settle their differences once and for all in a Prime Time Tango dance-off.

HAVANA, CUBA – Fidel Castro met with US lawmakers for the first time in years this Tuesday. Political expert the Alien was on hand to assist with the talks.

I’m angrier than Adam Smith in an itchy kilt about what’s happened to our once great nation!