DALLAS –  Given all the tainted American beef,  Australian camel meat has become hot new import!

Camel meat is healthier than beef – it has more protein and doesn’t contribute to heart disease.  And Americans, who just learned that half of their meat supply is “tainted” are looking for new meat to put on their dinner tables.  And it looks like camel meat is the way to go.

Jonathan Markum, a camel rancher in Australia, said the increase in demand for camel meat will help reduce a feral camel population in the Australian outback, which has caused serious ecological problems, and will create up to 300 jobs in a place that badly needs them.

“Camel meat is much better than beef…it’s the lesser fat than all the meat kingdom. If you put beef, mutton, kangaroo, emu any meat, then camel meat will be the lesser fat than all of them,” he said.

“Camel is a popular food in the Middle East, North Africa and Europe, and Australia has the resources to provide meat to people who like it.”

Originally introduced in 1840, mainly from India to provide transport, there are currently more than 1 million feral camels roaming over 3 million square km of outback Australia, breeding at a rate that doubles their population every nine years.

The Australian Federal Government has provided A$19 million ($20 million) over four years to assist in managing feral camels, and a camel culling program began in 2010. The animals cause more than A$10 million a year in damage to fragile outback ecosystems.

“Controlling the numbers decreases the pressure on the landscape in dry conditions and will result in fewer camels dying very cruelly due to starvation, dehydration and trampling,” said Jane Ferguson, Managing Director at Ninti One Limited, a management firm in charge of the Australian Feral Camel Managing Project.

“Commercial camel operations need to be driven by economic considerations and need to address the animal welfare issues associated with mustering and transporting wild camels over large distances.”

Australian camel ranchers outside of Sydney just received permission to develop what will be the largest abattoir in Australia, capable of processing 700,000 camels a year.

This would also include donkey and goat meat destined for the Middle East, North Africa and Asia.  Thought Americans have started inquiring about donkey meat as well.

Wild camel feeds largely on grasses and could be viewed as a high quality “organic” alternative to purpose farmed stock.  Licensed musterers would deliver the animals.  “Obviously it’s a good environmental solution and it will bring important employment alternatives to the area,” Port Pirie Mayor Brenton Vanstone said.

And the flavor?

Foodies describes camel meat as similar to beef in the shape and smell, but richer in iron and vitamin C than both beef and lamb.

“The only thing about camel is, if it’s aged it’s a bit chewy,” said Mario Battali, who is thinking of using camel meat at several of his restaurants.  “But that’s the same case with an old cow.”

NEW YORK – In a ruse to cover-up the fact that Facebook is shutting down, Goldman Sachs announced that U.S. citizens are banned from investing in Facebook.

Goldman Sachs Group Inc. has prohibited U.S. investors from participating in a private offering expected to raise up to $1.5 billion for social networking site Facebook, citing widespread media coverage that could run afoul of securities guidelines.

That’s the official report.  WWN has learned that the truth is that Goldman Sachs is trying to cover-up the fact that Facebook is shutting down on March 15th.  This story broke right here on WWN and has since become one of the hottest stories on the internet.

Goldman Sachs doesn’t want to have egg on its face when Facebook “goes dead” on March 15th, so they are trying to distract and deflect attention from the big news with the silly notion that U.S. investors can’t participate in the Facebook IPO.

“Ban U.S. investors?” said Jonathan Hoenig of Capitalist Pig.  “You can’t ban U.S. investors, we are the ones that made Facebook.   It is an American company.  Of course, U.S. investors should be allowed to participate.  And all Americans should make a killing in the deal.”

The investment bank said it decided to restrict the fund to prospective shareholders in Asia and Europe.

The truth is that investors in Asia and Europe haven’t all heard the news that Facebook is shutting down.   Goldman hopes to pocket the investment dollars from investors in these countries – hopefully before they realize that Facebook is going out of business.

In a statement, Goldman Sachs said it made the decision on its own and “believes this is the most prudent path to take.”  Rumors that Goldman Sachs partners are just tired of their teenagers spending all their time on Facebook, so they are pulling the plug on the deal – are completely false.  Though they may be true.

Goldman Sachs has VERY close ties to the Obama Administration.  Some say, VP Joe Biden, is a Goldman Sachs mole.  Isn’t it odd that Facebook is closing down right when the deal with Goldman is being finalized?  Is the government colluding with Facebook?  With Goldman?  What exactly is going on here?

“There’s a massive government cover-up about the shuttering of Facebook,” said Dr. Thomas Hillstrom, chief counsel for the government watchdog group,  We The People Power.  “There is a corporate-government scam being perpetrated on the American people – and Facebook users across the globe.  We intend to get to the bottom of it.”

Goldman Sachs set up the offshore fund, which initially was to have been available to investors in the United States.  The offshore fund is on a tiny island off New Jersey.

Goldman Sachs has declined to specify when the offering may close – though insiders know that it never will . It is expected to raise as much as $1.5 billion for the privately held Facebook, the world’s largest Internet social network  – right before it shuts down.

Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg, 26, has been in no hurry to take the company public, partly because he hoped to preserve a free-wheeling culture – and partly because he intends on shutting it down and starting a new company.

WWN has confirmed that Facebook is shutting down.  Facebook users around the world are outraged.

A petition has been started to Save Facebook.  Sign it and stop Goldman Sachs from abetting in Facebook’s demise!

SIGN THE “SAVE FACEBOOK” PETITION HERE.

PARIS – Lady Gaga  was devastated over her canceled Paris show.
Earlier this month Weekly World News  Senior Editor, Frank Lake, recently reported that Christmas would be canceled in Britain due to severe arctic weather conditions. Now Mother Nature has attacked Europe once again. The unthinkable has occurred; a Lady Gaga concert was canceled in Paris due to a massive blizzard.

The Grammy-nominated superstar was supposed to perform at Paris’ Bercy Stadium on Sunday, but plans took a turn for the worse when old man winter released his wrath on her convoy of trucks and tour bus. French authorities banned all trucks and buses from entering the city due to many of the roads being unserviceable.

Gaga, was trapped in her tour bus over 26 hours during the deluge of snow and frozen rain. What made matters even worse was that the bathroom on the bus was clogged.

“We are having 2 pee n poo in tin cans and plastic bottles. This is awful,” tweeted Gaga about the horrific experience.  Though she did film her crew going to the bathroom in bottles for her next video.

All of her tour trucks containing lights, sound equipment and several variations of outfits made of raw meat were detained by French officials. In addition, two of Gaga’s employees were arrested as they attempted to enter the city of lights.

“We had to get the meat outfits to a new refrigeration unit as soon as possible,” explained Seth Miller, roadie for the Gaga for Gaga Tour. The units had died on the truck containing the beef and lamb apparel causing the crew to panic and attempt to break through the barricades outside of the city, resulting in their detainment.

“Today’s canceled Paris show is rescheduled for Tuesday, 2night’s show will happen as planned. I promise to give u the nights of ur life,” she tweeted Sunday.

Gaga also announced that she plans to take grammar and spelling lessons to help with her tweeting.

Here’s some Madonna, oops Gaga, video for you.  Almost at a billion views:

Greetings Sentients!  Once again this is your most humble host and educator of all things epicurean MYGAR. 
With the changing of seasons upon us it falls upon me to share my knowledge of the best travel destinations on the planet.  Below is a list of the greatest destinations, and greatest deals for the trans-galactic traveler on a budget.  Enjoy!

Venice.  Hotels in the submerged portions of the city have been set up for water breathing life forms and are some of the best in this section of the galaxy.

Teotihuacan.  If you can travel through time, their restaurants in 40 bc were beyond delight.  And don’t forget to take in a ball game, even if you know who wins its fun to watch.  Even the contemporary ruins of this once glorious civilization are still a marvel and worth the trip.

Dixie County Florida.  Florida’s gulf coast is home to some of the planet’s best beaches.  Off the shore of Dixie Country Manatees gather each spring for poetry readings and philosophical debates that outsiders are welcome to attend.

Tempe Arizona.  Hyperdrive drag racing over the Arizona desert has been a tradition here for decades.  See the best of the best compete for bragging rights.  New laws have made it more difficult to harass the local population with probing.

Dollywood in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee.  All Hail the retired empress of the Tulurgian Empire!  Since abdicating her throne some 40 years ago the former Empress has passed the time as a country and western singer and opened a self-styled theme park.  The funnel cakes are so good, you won’t care they’re made of people.

Thessaloniki, Greece.  Snorkel with the Kraken off the shores of this Mediterranean isle.  Enjoy dinner on a restaurant patio overlooking the cliffs where the local Sirens perform nightly.

London, UK.  Like most advanced life forms in the galaxy we all know the prophecy of what will happen to this great metropolis in 2012.  Book a space now to see the fireworks!

Dubai.  Due to a well concealed zombie outbreak no one else is here now.  And someone needs to stay in all those new hotels.

King William Island, Northern Canada.  Big game hunters will want to catch the Tuunboq, a giant snow monster which can eat humans whole.  Enjoy the psychic enhancing effects of being near the magnetic north pole.

Atlantis.  Due to a slumping economy visiting this sunken kingdom has become easier than ever.  Although some will claim that it has become overrun by the tourist market, a recent downturn in their economy has forced a great deal of scaling back and family owned businesses are making a comeback.

And that, my friends, rounds out my list of the best deals in travel for this lovely little planet.  Please explore this precious sphere in your own way and try to be patient with local lifeforms.

As always, your humble servant, MYGAR

NEW YORK, NY – Times are tough. The economy is tanking.  And some sports leagues, teams, and stadiums have imposed a ticket price freeze. Don’t kid yourself.  That trickles down to the athletes.  These guys aren’t making only small fortunes now.

So why are they not sharing in the federal bailout?   These guys are American too you know*.
*Except half the NHL is from Canada and Europe, and 30% of baseball is Latin**.
**Stop splitting hairs, you ‘America should look out for America only’ bigots.  Your hatred is ugly.

Did you know Stephon Marbury only makes 21.9MM??!!  That’s only $10.5 million after taxes, agent fees, posse maintenance, and excessive partying.  That $28,000 per diem has to sustain him for a whole 12 months!  That has to be his walkaround money for the year.  That’s unacceptable.

Instead of charities, public works, and infratstructure, can we please get our priorities right? The rumor out of the Bronx is that the New Yankee stadium nachos have only 2 kinds of cheese options, due to budgetary constraints.  Yeah, like having a 3rd grade art class is more important than that?

You ignore this countries greatest cross-section, you make them tighten their belt, and you watch how fast we become a 3rd world sports power.

How is a marginal athlete expected to finance his HGH habit?  How is a NFL’er expected to make it reign?  How is any NBA player expected to knock up groupies? If each of them does not have the proper capital to blow foolishly.

Come on, Congress. These guys are just like us (on roids), work almost as hard (for about half the year) as your typical factory worker, and have the same concerns as everyday Americans (who have won the lottery).  They board private jets just like the rest of us (would).

Stop ignoring their needs, and let us help them.  It’s the right thing to do.

BRUSSELS, BELGIUM – The European Union has taken action to integrate one of its least recognized minorities: vampires.

The move was a reaction to an Italian ruling to put crosses on top of every street sign and lamp-post in the country, a move many feel was aimed directly at the vampire community.

Outraged, vampires across Europe took to the streets in marches.  However, as the demonstrations were held at night and all the attendees were wearing black, not many noticed.

Vampires are one of Europe’s oldest minorities, their discrimination dates back to the twelfth century when Wilhelm the Conqueror crashed an Undead Poetry Reading and killed sixty.

Many within the vampire community are angry at their own for impeding integration.  Nikolai Cheryenko says “They’re only reinforcing stereotypes.  I know a guy who still wears a cape. All the time.  I’m like ‘Dude, really?’”

Governments across Europe are mounting efforts to dispel stereotypes and integrate their undead citizens.  Legislation is being drafted to grant vampires equal rights and protection from bias throughout the EU.

Cheryenko continued “We’re regular people like everybody else.  We’ve only died and come back as immortals who gain sustenance from human blood.  Aside from that, we’re regular people.”