HYANNIS, MA – Ted Kennedy was notably absent today as family and friends gathered to pay their last respects to Eunice Kennedy Shriver. Or was he?As funeral proceedings went forward, many in attendance noticed unexplainable changes in temperature and heard peculiar unidentifiable noises.

One attendee explains, “There were many times where I was sitting amongst everyone and suddenly we would all look around at the same time, as if we’d all heard the same noise.”

Added another attendee, “It’s August and we are all wearing sweaters…there are freezing gusts of wind and nobody knows why.”

With Ted Kennedy absent from the day’s funeral, it is speculated that he is at the brink of death and paranormal expert Paula Montgomery says she knows why:

“Ted Kennedy is in what we call ‘Paranormal Transition’. As he moves closer to death, his spirit is transitioning into what we on Earth call ‘ghosts’. The reason for the funeral disturbances are easy to explain. He obviously wants to be there, so he is…in the best way he can in his condition.”

But why is Kennedy turning into a ghost? Montgomery explains, “When one dies they don’t want to stay on Earth. They want to move on. However, many ghosts are bound to Earth as a result of a dispicable action they did while they were alive. It’s sort of considered punishment.”

So, is Mary Jo Kopechne and the Ghost of the Chappaquiddick to blame? “Absolutely. Everyone is brought to justice at some point. This is Kopechne’s payback after all these years.”