DALLAS – All the major airlines announced today that they will start offering in-flight porn – as a way to increase revenue.

Porn will soon take flight on airlines across America.  Executives from all the major American airlines have approved  a new technology that will make erotic movies available for passengers on flights longer than forty-five minutes.

You won’t have to do this anymore to watch porn on a flight:

Airline executives believe that the in-flight porn offer mimics hotel room paid “erotic” TV services. Passengers will be able to use their iPads or smartphones to watch the erotic movies, OR they will be able to rent an iPad or iPhone from Flight Attendants for the specific purpose of “erotic enjoyment.”

The airlines feel that this new service will bring in good deal of revenue for the airlines and allow them to keep fares low for the foreseeable future.

“It makes a lot of economic sense,” said Stephen Morris, a chief airline analyst for Goldman Sachs.  “These types of movies generate a lot of money.  The airlines will be fulfilling a demand of some passengers, while at the same time keeping costs low for others.  It’s a brilliant move.”

Some passengers aren’t so happy.  “I don’t want some dirty old man watching porn and whacking off underneath his airline blanket while I’m trying to breast-feed my baby.  That’s disgusting,” said Sharon Tweener of Scarsdale, NY.

The airlines said they will take every precaution to prevent children from seeing the pornographic images.  But a representative from the Flight Attendants Union said that “it’s going to be impossible to stop children from seeing these films.  We are going to have to set up viewing booths, or viewing areas on the plane.  It’s never going to work,” said the representative.  “Our union members are not the Porn Police.”

There are many others who object to the availability of porn on flights, but the airline executives told WWN that the new porn policy will be implemented on a trial basis for six months.  “We’ll see how it goes.  If people don’t like it, we’ll stop, but if it goes well, we may increase our porn purchases for 2012 and beyond.”

The Mile High Club is expanding!

MIAMI, FL – Rounding out her North American tour on Saturday, Madonna broke her hip mid performance.

The 50 year old pop star made the injury on stage while straddling a chair and singing “Erotic.”  During the songs refrain, her repeated pelvic thrusts came too hard, shattering her hip with a crack that silenced the 14,000 fans in attendance.

Ever the professional, Madonna continued with the performance and was brought on for three encores in a raised litter carried by four of her back-up dancers.

For the continuing European leg of her tour, the middle-aged singer hired a designer to create canes and a walker to match her leather hotpants and boustiere costume.