VANCOUVER – Vancouver poet Shannon Stewart shares a first glimpse of her tabloid inspired poems.

While standing in line at the supermarket many shoppers are intrigued by the eye-catching covers of the Weekly World News. In fact, one special shopper was so inspired by the craft and editorial of the tabloid that she began to write her own poetic “tabloid tales”.

With an MFA in Creative Writing, Shannon took her tales to a whole new level and is releasing her latest book Penny Dreadful. “Penny Dreadfuls were popular, cheaply produced 19th century magazines filled with brutal and sensationalist tales. Shannon revisits their grisly spirit through a series of meditations that examine the media’s obsession for luridness, be it tabloids or “respectable” newspapers.”

“Fable-like, ribald, and packing a powerful anti-puritanical punch, Penny Dreadful furnishes us with unsentimental X-rays of the contemporary world and its terrors.” The terrors and breaking headlines from the Weekly World News have truly inspired a remarkable poet. Here is a first glimpse at Shannon’s inspired poems.

Stay tuned for more tabloid tales!

SUPERMARKET LOBSTERS ESCAPE TANK & TERRORIZE SHOPPERS

What place is this?  The sea
around them is dead, served
up on beds of ice.  Fish eyes
goggle under fluorescents,
shelled shrimp a mountain
of pink.

Who  dreams such iniquity?
Smoked, skewered, shucked,
filets of gutted flesh spread
for viewing.  Alone, alive,
the lobsters plot revenge,
surreptitiously pluck
at the blue rubber bands
wrapped around  their claws.

Grip and crush, grip and crush,
a plan of action forms  in the
saline tank.  Swimmerets pummel
shells in anticipation, long stalks
of antenna sniff  beyond the glass
for the perfect moment.

They know the weak spots.
Digits, ankles, the toddler
left unattended in aisle 2.
Bibs and finger bowls filled
with lemon are shunned
for the greater muck
of terror.  Only blood
will do.

CHECK OUT THE ORIGINAL WWN ARTICLE:

http://books.google.com/books?id=2fMDAAAAMBAJ&printsec=frontcover&dq=weekly+world+news&source=gbs_summary_r&cad=0_2#PPA29,M1

BUY SHANNON’S BOOK, Penny Dreadful:

http://www.vehiculepress.com/cgi-bin/dbman2/db.cgi?%3E%3E%20db=default&uid=default&view_records=View%%3E%3E%202BRecords&ISBN=978-1-55065-245-1

BEVERLY HILLS, CA – Lindsay Lohan needs counseling, not a restraining order.

After an eventful and dramatic evening at the Chateau Marmont on Friday, the Ronson family is placing a restraining order on Ms. Lohan.

Lohan, Samantha Ronsons ex-girlfriend, has gone insane! Samantha’s family held an intervention last week to express their deep concern while encouraging Sam to stay clear of the “drug-induced” Lohan.

Insiders from the Beverly Hills Police Department overheard Ronson’s mother and sister, designer Charlotte, talking to a clerk Monday afternoon about how to “send a message” to Lohan to inform her of the nasty news.
The BHPD clerk apparently told the duo that a restraining order would be the “best option.” If Lindsay “violates it, then she gets taken away.”

Charlotte had nothing but wonderful words to say about Lohan. “She does these things to get attention… She was trying to get into my party this weekend. We had had to tell security to keep her out. Then she booked a room at the Chateau Marmont. Her room was right below [us]… She also followed our brother Mark around.”
“Lindsay was doing drugs,” Ann continued. “She got up illegally to our room… She does these acts of public humiliation. It is all for attention,” Charlotte continued.

Is Lindsay really trying that hard to fit in with the Ronson family? We think Lohan needs to spend some quality time with PhD Ape. His insight and inspiration will surely straighten her up and get her back on the right track!
PhD Ape is the answer – NOT a fourth time at rehab.

http://perezhilton.com/2009-04-07-ronson-family-to-file-restraining-order-against-lohan

NEW YORK, NY – The UN Security Council held an emergency meeting after North Korea fired a large rocket.Inside sources confirm the launch was part of a rock concert performed by returning leader Kim Jong Il.

State Departments around the world are furious at what appears to be an overt act of aggression on North Korea’s part.  Intelligence analysts say the multi-stage rocket could be used to deliver ballistic missiles to neighboring countries.  The North Korean Ministry of Truth maintains the rocket was an attempt to put a satellite in orbit.

Hidden sources deep within North Korea confirm the leader of the communist party performed in a rock concert this weekend to celebrate his return from America.  For months Kim Jong Il has been sighted throughout rural America, taking in the sights and performing at open mic nights.  On Sunday after two mediocre opening acts and several delays Kim Jong Il took to the stage in the Glam Rock persona “Buzzy Starcluster.”

This concert marks a change from the mostly country and blues he experimented with throughout the American heartland, and the first time a head of state has performed as an androgynous intergalactic rock star.

Kim Jong Il did an interview earlier this week for North Korea’s only music magazine People’s Republic of Funk, for which he is also the editor.  According to the interview Buzzy Starcluster is quote “a benevolent intergalactic leader” who “comes to the most beautiful and gracious people of each planet with a message of peace and love.”  His new album “Unending rise of the Eternal Sovereign from Beyond the Stars and the Unfortunate Vermin from Mars” will be state issued to all citizens within the month.

Songs from Sunday’s performance included Mount Paektu Daydream, It Ain’t Easy being Glorious Leader, Seoul Love,  21st Century Boy, and a soulful cover of Amy Winehouse’s Rehab sung a cappella by the communist dictator.

The show culminated with the launch of several rockets, including the multi-stage rocket which has caused an international stir.  At the musical climax of the show all the rockets launched from bunkers behind stadium, framing Kim Jong Il perfectly in their vapor trails.

A video of the concert will be broadcast on state television around the clock for the next week.

Unconfirmed reports say that the rocket has been recovered from the ocean, and its payload contained enough glitter and pictures of Kim Jong Il to blanket a countryside.  The pictures were postcard sized of Kim in his Glam Rock costume with the caption “I Love You.”

That Obama really smashes my atoms!

The Communist-in-Chief just said he wants to ban all nuclear bombs. When he says such stupid, corny stuff, he sounds more like Miss America than the President. Except beauty queens don’t need Teleprompters! (And I’d like to see Obama twirl a baton while we’re at it!)

Nukes are what made America great! First off, they helped us win World War II. We had to nuke the Japs twice to get ‘em to smarten up, but it worked! All they did later was make a bunch of crappy Godzilla movies about giant radiation monsters. The Japs seem just as crazy now than they did before we bombed them, but at least they leave us alone!

Then we used nukes to scare the Russians into leaving us alone. Turns out they were just a bunch of drunks who couldn’t find the nuke button anyway. Losers!

If we outlaw nukes, then only outlaws will have them. Those sneaky Iranians and Koreans won’t give theirs up. I know those Koreans first hand – I fought them on Pork Chop Hill and you can’t trust them as far as you can throw a grenade. They’re jealous because Japan and China are like their cooler older brothers who got all the fancy outfits and takeout food that dumb Westerners like so much. Come on: it’s not like anybody’s gonna buy a snow globe full of barbequed beef.

Nukes create jobs for American scientists and factory workers and spies, not to mention all those anti-war hippies who need something to protest!

Mark my words: if Teleprompter Kid gets his way, he’ll turn West Point into a “Full Monty” touring company!