Legendary Weekly World News columnist Ed Anger has suffered a debilitating break down brought on by the election results. According to his son, Ed Anger, Jr., Mr. Anger was found in his den slumped over his typewriter beneath his John Wayne portrait.

Mr. Anger was at work on a column for the Weekly World News when he collapsed. The page in his typewriter read:
“I’m madder than a voting official in an ACORN office, in my life I never thought this country would elect a asdjkhjaskdghjlasg”

Mr. Anger was brought to St. Malachy’s hospital and is currently non-responsive and on a ventilator.

Mr. Anger, the legendary Weekly World News columnist was the one, the only, the original right-wing narrowminded conservative commentator.

For nearly three decades, Mr. Anger’s ink never bled as he set out on a one man crusade to pave the rainforests, give schoolteachers stun guns, fry death row creeps, put the Berlin wall back up and get his overweight daughter to be more like Vanna White.

Mr Anger, a veteran of the Korean War, regularly found fault with Communists, women, overweight children, liberals, gays, the French, vegetarians and Latino immigrants.

While never the picture of health, Mr. Anger had regular check ups and physicals and did not have symptoms of any particular ailments according to his son, Ed Anger Jr.

It appears last night’s events have been more than this beleaguered white male could handle.

His work was profiled by the New York Times in July of 2007.

Real Americans: send well wishes to Ed Anger, leave your comments below for Anger and his family to read.

BREAKING NEWS: McCain has proudly accepted the Alien’s endorsement!

ROSWELL, NM – At a political rally in the infamous Roswell area, Senator John McCain acknowledged and accepted the Alien’s endorsement for his presidential run.

The Arizona senator explained, “By the way, I have been here to Roswell before and I know about the alien landing. And I am pleased to announce that I have received the alien endorsement…and I am proud!”

While the Alien has not released an official response, insiders believe he is elated at McCain’s warm acceptance.

But will the Alien’s endorsement be enough to push McCain into victory? Stay tuned!

October 30, 2008
WASHINGTON, DC – In a shocking reversal, the Alien has switched his endorsement from Barack Obama to John McCain.

With major implications for the U.S. presidential election, political kingmaker the Alien has changed his endorsement amid furor. Both political camps are buzzing about the implications, as the Alien has correctly predicted the winning president in every election for the past 28 years.

Ongoing investigation points to Cindy McCain as being the cause for this historic shift in allegiances.

Uncovered photos suggest that in a last ditch effort to help her husband’s failing campaign, Cindy McCain seduced and then blackmailed the Alien for his endorsement.

At a recent McCain rally, inside sources say Cindy McCain disappeared with the Alien after sharing several champagnes with the notorious intergalactic lightweight. Ms. McCain’s alien-like good looks and natural blood temperature of 54 degrees Fahrenheit may have proved too much for him to resist as she reportedly put her cyborg husband into sleep mode and worked her charms.

This is not the first time the Alien, who sources say is no prude, has been in political “hot water.” During the 2004 election he was photographed in a hot tub with Laura Bush and Teresa Heinz Kerry. As the Alien is now married with children the release of these photos could be devastating for him.

What impact this news will have on the election has yet to be determined. Swing state voters, who will decide this election, have the highest rate of alien abductions and UFO sightings and are known to vote in accordance with supernatural forces.

WASHINGTON, DC – On the eve of the most important presidential election in years, the Chaos Cloud has descended upon the nation’s capitol.

Following stops in crucial swing states such as Ohio and Florida, thought to be monitoring the election to prevent the turmoil seen in 2000 and 2004, it is now thought that the Chaos Cloud is going to monitor the final days of the Bush Administration in Washington DC.

President Bill Clinton was widely criticized for 11th hour pardons and judicial appointments made in December 2000 and January 2001 just days before leaving office.  While there have been no negative long-term effects of those decisions, Clinton left office under very different national and international conditions.

Bush will leave the White House with the nation in a recession, the military still embattled in Iraq and with an every deepening national debt.  It is widely feared what Bush might do in the 11th hour of his second term.

DNC Chairman, Howard Dean told reporters, “The presence of the Chaos Cloud, while an ominous portent for the year 2014, provides at least some comfort for the final days of the most harmful and hubris-inspired administration in this nation’s history.”

Following Sarah Palin’s emergence on the national stage, the blogosphere lit up with reports that Governor Palin does not actually hail from Wasilla, Alaska but from a planet known as Wazeela.

The tiny planet, which is located some 37,000 miles due east from the Sun, is known to be rich with fossil fuels that lie beneath snow-capped peaks.

Internet reports also cited the particularly short 5-month gestation period of Wazeela females as proof that Palin was, in fact, a Palien.