It’s Valentine’s Day again, and I’m madder than Cupid with a dirty diaper!

Valentine’s Day is the stupidest holiday of the year.  There’s no big juicy deep fried turkey or liquored up egg nog  – just pink, pink, pink! The whole world looks like an explosion at a Paris cathouse.

The gifts men are supposed to give are crazy. Why do you want to give your wife chocolate? Isn’t she already fat enough? Then you’re supposed to give her sexy red underwear, so you’ll be able to see how much fatter she’s gotten! Does anybody else think this is plum loco?

What about perfume? Are you saying your wife stank before? If she did, why would you want to hang on to her?

And flowers! Did you know that flowers are really the naughty parts of plants? Congratulations, mister: you just sent a dozen you-know-whats to your honey! Plus flowers die after a few days. Why don’t women want something that lasts forever, like a good hacksaw?

The new thing are those mail order teddy bears in stupid outfits. They sell one decked out in leather pants like some San Francisco fruitcake – what’s THAT supposed to mean?

I just thank the Man Upstairs, for sending the great Mrs. Anger into my life. She doesn’t go in for all this crazy crap. Give her a couple of lottery tickets and a new hairnet and she’s just as happy.

Too much love – that’s the trouble with the world today. What true Americans need is a holiday where we give each other a new gun and a heart shaped box of ammo, so they can blast that stupid Cupid for target practice!

Time was, Earth Day was just for dirty crazy hippies. You could stay away from it if you just figured out where the bad smell was coming from, then went the other way.

But now Earth Day is run by big corporations and politicians and millionaires, who want you to buy their soap that doesn’t clean stuff at twice the price, and those curly light bulbs with the poison inside them.

If I want a toilet that doesn’t flush, I’ll go back to using an outhouse – and that’s not gonna happen!

Why do the same people who want to fix the environment want to hand out free condoms at the same time – isn’t rubber bad for Planet Earth? I guess it’s ok because rubber comes from trees. They like everything “natural” – unless it’s tobacco!

I can’t keep track of all this crap. Especially the thing about passing laws against cow farts. You know what’s coming? A law against breathing! These jerks love the Earth – it’s people they hate. They say we’re overpopulated, so why don’t they kill themselves. Then we’d all be happy!

I don’t see the point of saving the polar bears anyhow. They don’t do cute tricks like seals do. If we could train them to kill terrorists or patrol the border, that would be something useful, but otherwise they just lay around getting their pictures taken.

This Earth Day, the closest I want to get to nature is the pine tree air freshener hanging from the rearview mirror of my big old truck!

NEW YORK, NY – A seasoned chef has begun pumping out some new dishes using a rather unusual ingredient!

Daniel Angerer is the chef at up-scale restaurant Klee Brasserie in New York City. He’s best known for beating renowned chef Bobby Flay on Food Network’s “Iron Chef.” Angerer has pushed the envelope on innovation has begun cooking up dishes using cheese made from breast milk.

That was not a typo and his wife, Lori Mason, has been supplying the milk for his new creations. The couple haS a new born baby Arabella that just turned 4 weeks old and they realized that their freezer was overflowing with breast milk. With his wife’s approval, Angerer began experimenting with making cheese out of the breast milk. With some curdling and about two weeks of aging, the result was a sweet cheese not far removed from cheese made with cow’s milk.

“We are fortunate to have plenty of pumped mommy’s milk on hand, and we even freeze a good amount of it,” Angerer wrote on his Web site. “Our small freezer ran out of space. To throw it out would be like wasting gold.”

The recipe has received mixed reviews but Angerer claims that it’s all in the name of kitchen science. Whatever the case may be, Angerer’s reemergence has sparked another question. Does he have any relation to famed Weekly World News columnist Ed Anger?

The similarities can be seen in their radical thought processes. The number of chef’s that would experiment with breast milk IS probably few and far between. When it comes to voicing opinions, Ed Anger takes the cake on taking a stance and making sure his voice is heard. Perhaps their apples fell from the same tree?

“Not a chance in hell I’m related to Angerer,” Anger said. “I would never want to be related to some sissy chef whipping up ‘treats’ with breast milk. The only cheese I want to see is American on my burger. Washed down with an ice cold beer. I’m madder than Avatar at the Oscars!”

I finally figured out the whole point of that long stupid meeting the Teleprompter Kid had about health care!

It was nothing to do with getting them all to agree on how to turn hospitals into DMVs.

Nope, their plan was to bore half the country to death and give the other half heart attacks, so we’d all be dead anyhow and wouldn’t need doctors!

Boy, that Communist in Chief sure is touchy. A few times, I’m pretty sure I saw the computer parts in his head blowing a fuse!

The CIA must be kicking themselves for not buying better parts to build their Obama robot – where did they get them from? Toyota?

Yeah, I told you for years those Japs would get their revenge on us for nuking them, and it is finally happening. Those clever Japs have been putting crappy parts in those dinky cars they send us, so we’ll all die and they can take over America!

Toyota is working with Obama to kill us all! It’s all over the TV, people! How much more proof do you want?

Only your old pal Ed Anger has the guts to tell you what’s really happening to our once great nation!

I’ve been waiting for the government to come for me for fifty damn years, but I guess they don’t have the guts! I’ve got it all worked out: when the black helicopters land on my front yard, I just have to roll my oxygen tank down the driveway, then shoot it up with my handy double barrelled Mossberg!

Ka-boom!!

Old Ed doesn’t need any fancy private planes to get back at the Feds. No sir: give me a good old American shotgun – and let the bastards come to me!

Every year, all the right wing big shots get together in Washington, D.C. at that CPAC thing. And they never ever invite me to their shindig!

That’s no way to treat one of the pioneers of this whole movement, let alone a decorated veteran of Pork Chop Hill like yours truly!

Dammit, I was ranting against big government and commies and fluoride in the water when William F. Buckley was still on training skis.

But do they ever ask me to come to their big party and give a fancy speech, like they do Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck? NEVER!

If it wasn’t for me, none of those young whippersnappers would have their million dollar contracts and private jets and their faces on the cover of LIFE magazine!

I can’t be completely ticked off, though, because there was some good news this week: that “global warming” scam is falling apart faster than a Prius in the fast lane!

All those egghead scientists are quitting their jobs and admitting they made stuff up and the dog ate their homework and saying they want to kill themselves!

Here’s what we need to do: let’s get the Supreme Court to overturn the 2000 election, let Al Gore be President after all – then impeach him for his “global warming” crap that’s made us waste trillions of dollars!

I dare those Bilderburger Beltway boys in their hundred dollar suits at the big rightwing shindig to put THAT on the agenda! But no! They’re too busy drinking their highballs and chomping their cigars to do something REALLY radical!

That’s ok. Your old pal Ed Anger will still be fighting to save these great United States – all alone if I have to!

Want a little more Anger? Check out Ed’s own site at EdAnger360.com

I’m madder than Jackie-O in a thrift shop!

It’s taken way too long, but it looks like we’re finally getting rid of that damn Kennedy family!

First Scott Brown won “Ted Kennedy’s old seat” – luckily it wasn’t the passenger seat in Ted’s old car!

Now it looks like another one of their spawn is getting out of politics. Patrick Kennedy says he’s not running for re-election in whatever carpet-bagging place he ended up stealing votes in.

Maybe he just got sick of having to keep his hair that way all the damn time, so’d people would know he was a Kennedy. I hear he’s getting a mohawk.

Anyhow, it’s pretty rich, because that Patrick fellow was just making fun of Scott Brown, saying his campaign was a “joke.”

Hey Patrick, I’ve got a few jokes for you: How’s about – “I’d rather go hunting with Dick Cheney than hitch a ride with Ted Kennedy”?

What finally did the Kennedys in? Good old-fashioned American conservative values. Those values win every time!

Scott Brown has ‘em, and so do all the other Republicans who are gonna whoop the Dem’s butts in all the elections next year.

Good old-fashioned American conservative values are faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a funeral train, and able to leap Chappaquiddick bridges in a single bound!

At last, we’re getting rid of the druggiest, rape-iest, sleaziest, most accident-prone family in the U. S. of A.

The Kennedy die-nasty is over!

Want a little more Anger? Check out Ed’s own site at EdAnger360.com

Did Al Gore get elected President after all? Cuz everywhere Al goes, it snows – and I see Washington is covered in the stuff!

They say a bunch of bureaucrats got the day off. Let’s hope the blizzard keeps up – the longer those dodos stay off the “job,” the better off we’ll be!

I’m surprised the Teleprompter Kid’s hot air hasn’t melted all the snow by now, though. He was on my damn TV set AGAIN yesterday. Dammit, he still hasn’t sent me a check for the new one I needed to buy when his face burned into my old one last year. Now it looks like that stupid Shroud of Turnips those Catholics pray to!

You’d think some of those people in D.C. never saw snow before. ‘Course, maybe Obama hasn’t, being from Liberia or wherever. But the rest of his crew is from Chicago, so they’ve got no excuses for whining about a little white stuff.

Hell, when I was a boy, we didn’t get “snow days” or any of that crap! We went to our little red one room schoolhouse no matter what. That “blizzard” they’ve got in D.C. is nothing compared to what we trudged through back in my day.

Kids today are such wimps. All they do is play at their damn video games all day, sitting in their baggy pants, eating Cheetos.

I hope the next bad guys who attack us are zombie skeletons with magic swords, cuz from what I can tell with these video games, that’s the only army today’s kids know how to fight!

Anyway, I’ll be waiting for Al Gore to explain how all this snow is caused by global warming, or else give back all his prizes. But I expect that won’t happen until Washington really freezes over!

Want a little more Anger? Check out Ed’s own site at EdAnger360.com

I’m madder than Helen Keller at a silent movie!

Now everybody’s laughing at Sarah Palin because when she gave a speech, she wrote some words on her hand.

That’s pretty rich, coming from people who worship the Teleprompter Kid!

At least Sarah Palin wrote her words the old fashioned American way, with a Magic Marker. She doesn’t need some fancy, foreign made machine to do her remembering for her!

And I’m pretty sure Palin wrote those words herself, and didn’t get some longhaired hippie terrorist to “ghostwrite” them, either!

If Obama can win a bunch of awards for books he didn’t even write, and Al Gore can get a Nobel Prize for a slide show, I’m pretty sure Sarah Palin deserves at least a Pulitzer for those scribbles on her hand!

Those lie-berals get crazy about the stupidest things. They’re so desperate, they want to ban Super Bowl ads now. I’m so old, I still remember when lie-berals were the ones who told us, “If you don’t like what’s on TV, change the channel”?

Back then, of course, the lie-berals were the ones in charge of the TV! Now that we right-wingers have our own TV station and so forth, lie-berals want censorship.

Commie pinkos!!

Anyhow: I hope next time around, Sarah Palin doesn’t even bother writing stuff on her hand, and just gives lie-berals the finger!

Want a little more Anger? Check out Ed’s own site at EdAnger360.com

I’m madder than a zombie with a hole in his skull!

Everyone keeps saying how Obama is smarter than Bush, but you can’t convince me.

Now the Teleprompter Kid is saying we’ve got zombies in the military! I’ve heard of “Don’t ask, don’t tell” but this is more like “Don’t ask, don’t tell, don’t eat another guy’s brains”!

The other day at that Prayer Breakfast, Obama kept talking about Army “corpsmen,” except he kept calling them “corpse-men.”

That’s how he let is slip that the United States of America has a secret zombie army!

Now it can be told: a rogue CIA splinter group built up a crack unit of undead soldiers to keep order when we all finally revolt against the Communist in Chief.

That George Romero movie guy always said his “Night of the Living Dead” picture was really about how much he hated the Vietnam War. So that’s how they got him to work on this whole project, being a traitor and all.

Yeah, Romero says all the zombies in that picture were locals from Pittsburgh, but anybody’s who’s been to Pittsburgh and lived to tell the tale knows the locals are way less lively than that!

Why do you think we’re hearing all this stuff about Haiti lately? They use voodoo to raise the dead, right? So that “earthquake” was really the CIA setting off explosions to trigger the zombie uprising.

So when you hear about how many dead people there are in Haiti, stop and ask yourself: how long until some witch doctor brings ‘em back to life?

Ha! Let’s see Pat Robertson pull THAT off!

Now I gotta go stock up on wooden stakes and silver bullets and all that other crap!

Want a little more Anger? Check out Ed’s own site at EdAnger360.com

I’m madder than a tranny who’s run out of duct tape!

All day long I have to hear about “gays, gays, gays!” Now we’re back on the “don’t ask, don’t tell” thing. I’m sick of it.

Even army guys are coming out saying get rid of the rule. OK, fine. They know better, I guess. But in my day, back in Korea on Pork Chop Hill, let me tell you: we didn’t want any pansies in OUR squad!

The closest we wanted to get to a fruitcake was some Seoul she-male while we were on leave, and even then, that wasn’t old Ed’s cup of tea, no sir! I like my women 100% real!

Anyhow, I guess now we’re stuck with gays in the military, which doesn’t explain why the uniforms are getting uglier, not better looking. And from what I hear, the food hasn’t improved much, either. So what difference does it make, I guess.

I can’t even keep straight what to call them! If I say “pansies,” my granddaughter throws her fork at me. But they keep changing what they want to be called, dammit!

I’m an old man! I can barely remember what day it is, let alone the new name for queers!

And now that creepy ballerina guy in the White House is in trouble for saying “retarded.” That was a perfectly good word until the Kennedys stole it and said nobody could use it any more!

Everybody knows they just invented that Special Olympics to cover up what a scumbag family they are!

What we really need are another Olympics that gives medals to chicks who can run away from the Kennedys!

Want a little more Anger? Check out Ed’s own site at EdAnger360.com