CLEVELAND -  Roma Gypsies are invading Cleveland, taking advantage of the current economic crisis to set up tent neighborhoods.

Roma, called Gypsies, had traveled around rural areas of America in the 1930s. Many Roma from Russia and the Balkan countries came to the U.S. and Canada during the late 1800s. Experts believe Roma originated from northwestern India, but hundreds of years ago they were labeled Gypsies because people incorrectly thought they came from Egypt. Gypsies were persecuted by the Nazis during the late 1930s and early 1940s. Nearly 500,000 Roma people died in concentration camps.

Since then, Gypsies have roamed all over Europe – Eastern and Western.  Recently, thousands of Roma gypsies deported from France are heading for the midwest of the United States.  Many have been spotted in Pennsylvania and Michigan but there has been a large number seen in recent weeks in Ohio, with close to 50,000 setting up camps in Cleveland and the surrounding suburbs.

Ohio has the perfect weather for us,” said Radva Kurcik, a Roma leader from Romania.  “There are also many empty office buildings and houses in Cleveland, that we intend to take over.  We love Cleveland!”

The Cleveland Police have not yet taken any action against the gypsies.  “We do not want to racial profile any group.  We are taking this gypsy situation seriously, but we’re going slowly.”

“Going slowly?” said Jim Scott of Hudson, Ohio.  “We got gypsies all over the place.  There was over five hundred setting up camp on our town football field. Somebody has to do something!”

Many of the gypsies have already managed to get onto the unemployment rolls in Ohio.  “They make it very easy for you to get unemployment benefits and food stamps.  Plus, President Obama met with us over the weekend and promised us free healthcare, said Katrina Vldoch.  “America is the greatest nation in the world.”

Many Cleveland residents are upset about the influx of Gypsies.  “They are thieves and robbers.  They don’t work and they don’t contribute to society.  We want the government to do something!  We want them out!” said Missy Connors of Cleveland.

Connors was later arrested for attacking a gypsy that had moved into her house.  “The Police are siding with the gypsies. This is outrageous!” said Scott.

Cleveland Mayor Frank Jackson said that the city is planning to have a meeting to discuss forming a panel to address the Gypsy situation.  “We don’t want to discriminate about anybody.  Cleveland loves diversity.”

Meanwhile, the Obama Administration has told the Roma leadership that gypsies are welcome in America – especially in Ohio.  But, if Ohio voters promise to vote for Obama in 2012, the Administration said that they will encourage Gypsies to head to Missouri.

WASHINGTON, DC – Vice President Dick Cheney has announced that he is a Vampire.  At a press conference in the hours before dawn, Cheney stated, “I am an Undead-American.”

His admission comes as a shock to most Americans, but is no surprise to anyone who knew him well.  This may also shed light on his questionable relationship with Chief of Staff Alfred Renfield.

Cheney answered several questions relating to the nature of his vampirism.  According to his statement he was bitten while on a diplomatic mission to Eastern Europe during the first Bush administration.  During the day he either works in underground White House rooms, or rests in the man-sized safe in his office.

When asked how he reconciles being a vampire with his conservative policies, Cheney growled “This is a private family matter, which we have worked through, and will continue to work through.”

Dick Cheney went on to say “I don’t believe my thirst for blood has affected my politics.”

Clearly the Vice President waited until after the election to come out of the coffin, so as to not further alienate voters already scared by the Republican Party. The recent trend in vampire-sexy with successes like “Twilight” and “True Blood” also made Cheney feel more apt to be accepted.

Vampire Advocacy groups are condemning the soon to be ex-vice president for not coming out sooner.  Gabrielle LeFleur of Fangs for Friends said “He is only encouraging vampirism as something to be ashamed of.  These Log-Mausoleum Republicans do not help the cause.”

The Vice President’s announcement comes on the heels of reports of seven missing White House interns; six beautiful women and one confused effeminate young man.  After staring into Cheney’s eyes, experts believe there is no connection.