WISCONSIN – An Eau Claire woman called 911 after discovering she was drunk and behind the wheel.

NEW YORK – The Jets offensive tackle, D’Brickashaw Ferguson, has started a rickshaw service for drunken NFL Players.

LOS ANGELES – Superior Court Judge Marsha Revel was so disgusted with Lindsay Lohan’s that after sentencing her to 90 days, the Judge threw tarballs at her.

SYDNEY – A 200-foot wide asteroid whizzed by Earth yesterday, narrowly missing us by 40,000 miles. But now a pair of aliens are coming forward to take the blame!

PHOENIX, AZ – Charles Barkley was spotted on another law-breaking ride, with a familiar passenger in tow!

ANCHORAGE, AK – Todd Palin vows to jump 25 election booths with his snowmobile on Election Day. Palin believes the stunt will increase awareness and voter turnout in support of his wife’s Vice Presidential bid.