On the second anniversary of Michael Jackson’s death he was spotted in Ohio with Liz Taylor and Marlon Brando.

The ghosts of Michael Jackson, Marlon Brando and Liz Taylor were spotted today in Franklin Lakes, New Jersey  – on the second anniversary of Michael’s death.   The sighting was confirmed by the Real Housewives of New Jersey.

The three dead superstars hopped into a rented a car and headed West – hoping to make it to Los Angeles by dusk (they can travel much faster when dead).

The rotund and still brooding Brando — will be splitting the driving duties with Jackson.  Brando was annoyed that Jackson and Taylor want to stop at every KFC and Burger King they pass – and old tradition with the three superstars.

The trio will be stopping in Ohio to visit some of Michael’s friends at the Rock N’ Roll Hall of Fame and then they will also stop in Gary, Indiana (Michael’s birthplace).

New Jersey Housewife, Caroline Manzo, who lives in Franklin Lakes, said she and the other Housewives had a little Italian breakfast for the three.  “We played the music for the Godfather and Brando’s ghost really seemed to enjoy it.”

In death, Michael still sings and dances as good as ever.  “I think he’s even better now said Teresa Guidice.”

Here was Michael’s rare tribute to Liz:

And some classic Michael on his second anniversary.  Still the King….

SHERMAN OAKS, CA – Charlie Sheen’s new webshow, Sheen’s Korner, was the highest rated show in America last night.

Sheen’s show started with fart noises and endless references to “winning” – and ended with the troubled actor drinking from a sippy cup and repeating the word “duh.”

“This was just amazing, and so exciting,” a viewer with the Twitter handle Sean_Penn posted online.

The unforgettable 50-minute webcast, dubbed “Sheen’s Korner,” featured Sheen and a group of his misfit pals, including “goddess” girlfriend Natalie Kenly.

With more than 100 million  viewers tuning in, the former “Two and a Half Men” star opened the show with a “big shout-out” to his children. “Daddy loves you, and if you’re watching, tell mom to leave the room,” said Sheen, wearing a black hat and black T-shirt with a neon dollar sign. “It’s on.”

Much of what he said afterward was sheer brilliance. In one of his few moments of clarity, Sheen revealed that he got the word “Winning” tattooed on his left wrist.

“Guess what we were doing all day, every second of the day? Winning,” Sheen proudly stated..

Sheen also took a moment to deliver a message to porn star Rachel Oberlin – the actor’s other live-in lady, who recently left his Beverly Hills mansion.

“She had to go take care of some business,” Sheen said. “We love you. We miss you.”

In an especially powerful segment, Sheen addressed the recent scandal at Brigham Young University, where a basketball star was booted from the team after he admitted having sex with his girlfriend. “Dude, you knew the rules going in,” Sheen said.

The actor also devoted another amazing segment to people he said “wish they were me forever.”

On the list were Dr. Drew Pinsky and Nancy Grace. “How Grace exists in your name, I’m really confused by,” Sheen said.

Viewership increased every minute as the webcast on the site Ustream.tv.

More episodes of Sheen’s Korner will air in the coming days.

Here’s an excerpt of the instant “computervision” classic:

NEW YORK, NY -  MTV executives have been arrested for airing their new hit show, Skins, which features minors having sex.

MTV executives have a new hit drama on their hands, Skins, which features the sexual and drug-fueled exploits of misfit teenagers – which happens to be their target audience.

But in their excitement to watch young teens have sex with each other, they forgot one thing – it’s child pornography.

Executives at the cable channel were hauled away by the FBI late yesterday – in front of the Jersey Shore cast.  They were charged with violating became federal child pornography statutes.

A spokesperson for MTV, Margaret Meadow,  immediately issued this statement, “This is awesome!!  We are going to get so much press for this.  Yes, they were arrested, but we  more executives here and we are just going keep on airing the show until we are all arrested and they ratings… soar!”

The Feds were particularly concerned about the third episode of the series, which is to be broadcast Jan. 31. In the show, a naked 17-year-old actor is shown from behind as he runs down a street. The actor, Jesse Carere, plays Chris, a high school student whose erection — assisted by erectile dysfunction pills — is a punch line throughout the episode.

As the actor runs down the street – he stops and shows all the teenage girls on the block his “enhanced erection” and then he proceeds to masturbate in front of them, while they drink Rock Star Energy Drink  (a sponsor for the show) and take photos of him and post them on their Facebook pages.

Meadow said, “MTV has been pushing the envelope for decades and now the envelope is so far away from the table, that we have to push something else, so we decided to push teenage boys with enhanced erections and we think we can push that pretty far, because, we’re MTV and we have Snooki.”

MTV’s president and other executives declined interview from the City Jail, but they did said that the other prisoners in the City Jail had watched the episodes of Skins and “really loved it.”   One inmate, Chuck Wedge, a pedophile said, “Man, I like that MTV is doing something edgy.  I applaud them for bringing real-life drama to the television screen.  It’s ground-breaking.”

“ ‘Skins’ is a show that addresses real-world issues confronting teens in a frank and overly sexualized way,” said Meadow in another statement. “We review all of our shows and work with all of our producers on an ongoing basis to ensure our shows comply with laws and community standards.  And the community that we comply with is – Greenwich Village.

Child pornography is defined by the United States as any visual depiction of a minor engaged in sexually explicit conduct. In some cases, “a picture of a naked child may constitute illegal child pornography if it is sufficiently sexually suggestive,” according to the Justice Department’s legal guidance. Anyone younger than 18 is considered to be a minor.

The youngest cast member on “Skins” is 15.

The show is off to a running start. It attracted 3.3 million to its premiere on Monday night and set a new first-episode record for the channel among viewers ages 12 to 34.

Episodes of “Skins” are rated TV-MA, indicating that the content may be unsuitable for viewers younger than 17. MTV states in news releases that it is “specifically designed to be viewed by adults.” However, many of MTV’s viewers are in middle and high school. According to the Nielsen Company, the first episode drew 1.2 million people younger than 18.

Some people are blaming Miley Cyrus for the corrupting teens minds.  Especially since she decided to pose for Playboy.

Skins will continue to air… don’t miss a minute of it!

Here’s the official – clean – trailer for Skins:

HOLLYWOOD – CBS has decided to help Charlie Sheen get the help he needs.  They’ve bought him his own brothel in Nevada.

Executives at CBS have been debating for months what to do about Charlie Sheen.  He had a meltdown with an escort at The Plaza Hotel in New York, he spent a weekend with  porn stars in Las Vegas and he still has a serious drug and alcohol problem.

What is a network to do?  He is a role model to many young adults across the country.  Should they fire him?  Should they cancel Two and a Half Men?

No!

They’ve decided, as all networks do, that ratings are far more important.  Ratings trump everything – and if the networks has to be complicit in the physical and moral breakdown of an individual to keep their ratings up, well then so be it!   Since Charlie is such a professional when he is on set, they decided that they just need to help him better organize his life outside of the show.

Ergo, they’ve bought him his own brothel just outside Las Vegas.

The Charlie Ranch will open next month.  There will twenty professional prostitutes hired to tend to Charlies needs – and only Charlies needs.  The prostitutes will be changed every three months – to keep Charlie happy.  Some of the prostitutes will be porn stars, others will be actresses hoping to “audition” for future roles in future films with Charlie.

Here are the first three girls selected for The Charlie Ranch:

Sheen’s personal publicist, Sol Weitz, said in a statement.  “Charlie continues to do his job at a very high level.  He is the greatest sitcom actor in the history of television. Charlie is extremely happy that CBS has decided to help him with his off-set life.  It will make him more effective while he is on set.”

Sharon Teller, the head of CBS Television, said that she had a “high level of concern” about Charlie and that after several long meetings, executives decided that it was in everyone’s best interest to facilitate Charlie’s deviant ways.

“He comes to work,” she said. “He does his job extremely well. He treats the crew well.  And, most importantly, the ratings are high.”

CBS plans to stock The Charlie Ranch with more cocaine, alcohol and pain killers than Charlie could ever use. They’ve also built rooms in the brothel for Denise Richards and his children, so that they can visit and be together as a family.

Teller dismissed complaints from viewers who wrote in after learning about the brothel.  “Look, we have to deliver a top quality show.  Viewers don’t care what he does in his personal life.”  She went on to say, “We’ve spent too much energy and time trying to control Charlie.  If you can’t beat him, help him.”

Teller also confirmed that Lindsay Lohan and Mel Gibson will both have sitcoms on the network come fall.  “And we’re going to enter into similar arrangements with them.   Happy stars mean high ratings.”

This ground-breaking move by CBS already has ABC and NBC rethinking the way they handle their “high-maintenance” stars.

LOS ANGELES – Lindsay Lohan was arrested for assault and battery  against a female staffer at a rehab facility.

Riverside County sheriff’s Deputy Linda Marquita said officers responded to a Bettty Ford Center facility in Palm Desert on Dec. 12 shortly after 1 a.m. for an incident involving Lohan.

Marquita says a female staffer reported having a verbal dispute with the “Mean Girls” star.  Then the fight escalated and Lohan started punching the staffer, kicking in the legs, stomach and breasts.  “She was kicking my tits!  She was crazy, out of her mind”, the staffer was reported to have said.

Lohan then started biting the staffer and grabbed and chair and began hitting the staffer in the back with the chair.  “She was possessed.  That girl has a demon in her,” said another anonymous source (Jillian Ross) at Betty Ford.

Lindsay then ran to her room and went into the ceiling and pulled out a bong and smoked a few bowls.

Lohan’s attorney, Shawn Chapman Holley, spoke to WWN and denied that Linday Lohan assaulted anyone – except herself.  They have filed a complaint against the staffer that is making charges against Lohan, who said of the staffer. “They need to fire that b*tch!”

A Betty Ford spokesman said the facility does not comment on its patients, though many of their staffers will leak private information to the press for “the right amount of money.”

Lohan has been receiving treatment at the Betty Ford Center and its facilities, about 120 miles east of Los Angeles, since late September.

A judge overseeing her probation for a 3-year-old drunk driving case has required Lohan to remain at the rehab center until Jan. 3.

Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Elden S. Fox has scheduled a hearing on Lohan’s progress for Feb. 25. He has said he would be willing to place her on informal probation and allow her to leave Los Angeles if she stayed out of trouble until then.

Lohan’s stint at Betty Ford is her fifth stay in rehab and her second this year. Fox agreed to release her early from treatment at Ronald Reagan UCLA Medical Center in late August, but she failed a drug screening within weeks.

The UFC is trying to sign Lohan up for a cage match for “whenever she gets back from Crazy Town.”

WWN will stay on the Lohan case!

LONDON -  A new study shows that, in Britain,  alcohol use causes more harm than heroin and/or crack.

Alcohol is the most dangerous drug in England by a large margin, beating heroin and crack cocaine into second and third place, according to an authoritative study published today which will reopen calls for England’s drug classification system to be scrapped and a concerted campaign launched against beer, wine and hard liquor.

The study examined nine categories of harm that drugs can do to the individual “from death to damage to mental functioning and loss of relationships” and seven types of harm to others. The maximum possible harm score was 100 and the minimum zero.

Overall, alcohol scored 72 – against 55 for heroin and 54 for crack. The most dangerous drugs to their individual users were ranked as heroin, crack and then crystal meth. The most harmful to others were alcohol, heroin and crack in that order.

For overall harm, the other drugs examined ranked as follows: crystal meth (33), cocaine (27), tobacco (26), amphetamine/speed (23), cannabis (20), GHB (18), benzodiazepines (15), ketamine (15), methadone (13), butane (10), qat (9), ecstasy (9), anabolic steroids (9), LSD (7), buprenorphine (6) and magic mushrooms (5).

Dn Shenker, the chief executive of Alcohol Concern in London, said : “What this study and new classification shows is that successive governments have mistakenly focused attention on illicit drugs, whereas the pervading harms from alcohol should have given a far higher priority. Drug misusers are still ten times more likely to receive support for their addiction than alcohol misusers, costing the taxpayer billions in repeat hospital admissions and alcohol related crime. Alcohol misuse has been exacerbated in recent years as government failed to accept the link between cheap prices, higher consumption and resultant harms to individuals and society.”

The Obama Administration quickly reacted to the study and is putting together a bill for Congress banning alcohol in all 50 states.  “We need to take good care of our citizens,”  said Robert Gibbs, the White House Press Secretary, “and if they we can’t let them drink alcohol anymore.  It’s just too dangerous.”

The White House hopes that the new Prohibition Law will pass swiftly through Congress and be the law of the land by New Year’s Eve.

“We have been fighting a war on drugs for over three decades and we’ve never listed alcohol as an enemy in that war,” said David Axelrod, Senior Adviser to the President.  “Alcohol is now public enemy number 1!”

Even though the Administration wants to ban alcohol, they are supporting California’s Prop 19, which will legalize marijuana in the Golden State.

“Pot is good for you, alcohol will kill you,” said Valerie Jarrett, White House senior adviser.  “We will no longer be serving alcohol and White House state dinners, but there will be plenty of Afghan Train and Thai Sticks at the event. “

Say no to alcohol, say YES to pot!



NEW YORK -  A drunk Charlie Sheen was arrested last night at the Plaza Hotel.  He was naked with 15 escorts and two chimps.

Charlie Sheen’s representative confirmed with WWN that he was admitted to the hospital last night after being arrested by police at the Plaza Hotel on 5th Avenue.

Sheen has released a statement in an attempt to spin explain the circumstances surrounding his hospitalization: “What we are able to determine is that Charlie had an adverse reaction to some medication and was taken to the hospital, where he is expected to be released tomorrow.”

That’s what Charlie says.  But NYPD Officer, Robert Rinderman, said that he got a call for a disturbance on the 6th floor of the Plaza late last night.  “I went to the room and found Charlie Sheen, naked, surrounded by empty bottles of pills (vicodin, xanax, valium, Flinestones vitamins). Guy was a wreck.”

Officer Rinderman said there were other people in the room.  “I found 11 naked women and 2 naked chimps, though I’m not sure if the chimps were naked because they were covered with hair.”

Rinderman took this picture of the Sheen chimps:

And here are the women that were in Charlie’s room last night:

“Charlie is being evaluated and should be released tomorrow,” Sheen’s representative told E! News. “We think he had an allergic reaction to some medicine, either that or he is allergic to chimps.”  Hotel employees think that he wore himself out with all the women.  But they are checking the videotapes to see if there are any clues.

Oh, you didn’t know that the Plaza Hotel puts cameras in every room.  They sure do!  They might want to cash in on some celebrity sex tape too.  Everybody wants in on the action.

As for the burning question, whether the incident could constitute a violation of Sheen’s probation, Sheen’s attorneys  doubts it. Sheen voluntarily went to the hospital and was neither arrested nor charged with anything.  “I don’t think so,” Galanter said, “he didn’t do anything illegal.”

Well, that was last night.  Today Sheen has been charge with indecent exposure, soliciting a prostitute (14 counts), chimp abuse and attempting to raise a bathroom faucet.

WWN is on this hot story.   We have reporters in the hospital now.   We’ll keep you all posted.

BOSTON – The air you’re breathing is making you fat!

A new study released yesterday by scientists at Tufts University links the consumption of air to weight gain. Scientists analyzed the diets of 30,000 obese adults in an effort to find the common cause of their obesity.

The culprit: air.

“It was a simple scientific procedure,” said Cheryl Spangler, a biologist at Tufts University and the study’s leading researcher. “Our objective was to find the one thing that all fat people had in common. And after months of research, it finally hit us: All fat people breathe air. I can’t believe it took us so long to realize that! ”

The study found that adults who inhale at least 5 liters of unfiltered atmospheric air per day risk a 50 percent chance of gaining weight in the next 10 years.

Even more shocking, the study found that nationwide, 100 percent of adults consume air on a regular basis, and of those 100 percent, 100 percent of those surveyed said they consume more than 5 liters per day.

“We’re all headed for big fat trouble if we don’t do something about this,” said Spangler. “The next step is eliminating air from our diets. I know it’s going to be tough, but it will save our lives some day. ”

It didn’t take long before news of the study reached its way to the White House. Even health-obsessed First Lady Michelle Obama chimed in on the revolutionary discovery: “As a demonstration of my unwavering dedication to a healthier America, I will abstain from breathing air for the next 24 hours,” she pledged in a press conference earlier this afternoon.

Mrs. Obama could not be reached for a follow-up comment.

In light of the new study linking obesity to air, American corporations have released a slew of health-conscious air products. The Coca-Cola Company unveiled a new line of bottled “Air Zero,” a low-fat, low-calorie air substitute with half the sugar of regular air. Not to be outdone, the McDonald’s Corporation announced on-line that their fries will now be served with “less air and even more grease.”

However, despite corporate America’s efforts to promote healthy breathing, scientists are urging the America public to make dietary changes on a personal level.

“We’ve been breathing air for millions of years, and we all just assume it’s healthy” said George Baumgartner, a spokesperson for the New York State Department of Health. “Well we couldn’t be more wrong. Air is a nutritional nightmare, and most of us can’t go a day without breathing it. It’s like we’re addicted to the stuff.”

In a related study, Tufts scientists are compiling research that links to obesity to depression.

“We’ve seen the evidence, and it doesn’t look good” said study coordinator Roy Harmon. “Being fat increases your risk of being depressed, which in turn, increases your risk of anxiety attacks, which then increases your risk of overeating, which,  increases your risk of obesity all over again.  The Fat Cycle.”

My advice: don’t eat, drink, or breathe for the next 48 hours and you should be fine.”

SEATTLE – Courtney Love attacks daughter on her 18th birthday via Twitter. There’s nothing like a Love mother.

Courtney Love just blew her chance at being Mother of the Year.  Love publicly humiliated called-out her daughter on Thursday, one day after the offspring of Love and late grunge king Kurt Cobain turned 18.

Love took to Twitter and tweeted this lovely message to her beautiful daughter, “You’ve done a dammed good job, Frances, of destroying anything I could build.”  And then she tweeted this, “Why would you leave me and my life in tatters like this?”

Unfortunately (or fortunately for Bean), Love missed her daughter’s birthday by one day. Oops.  Love explained the reason for her belatedly berating her daughter, “Sometimes you just wake up and it’s a day later, and sometimes you wake up and you you’re in stuck in a big jar of pickles.”

Love, the former Hole singer, said that Francis Bean has been plotting for her destruction for the last six months. “She wants to ruin my personal life, she wants to destroy me.”  When asked about her mother’s accusations, Bean chuckled, “She doesn’t need anybody’s help in ruining her life, certainly not mine. She’s doing a great job by herself.”

Well, at least Love has money. In 2006, Love reportedly sold 25% of Nirvana’s catalog for $50 million. Love claims $20 million was embezzled from her by members of her entourage, leaving her “on the verge of applying for food stamps.”  Let’s see $50 million minus $20 million stolen from her leaves her with $30 million.  Wow, she’s right; she does qualify for food stamps.

Recently, Love has admitted to having extensive plastic surgery procedures done to her face and body over the years. She had a lap band put in as part of her continuing effort to lose weight.  She wanted Francis Bean to get a lap band, but her daughter refused.  “She wants me to be an anorexic!”

In December of 2009, A Los Angeles Superior Court commissioner granted control over 17-year-old Frances Bean Cobain to Kurt Cobain’s mother, Wendy O’Connor, and his sister Kimberly Dawn Cobain.

Recently, Love, has been criticized for other rambling postings on Twitter, in which she’s attacked former bandmates and other close friends and relatives.  A fashion designer sued Love in Los Angeles earlier this year over some of the posts, claiming they were libelous.

Will Bean sue? Will they remain estranged?  Will love be able to “build” again? Tune in again for another episode of… As The Hole Turns.

Here’s Love and Bean fighting on camera three years ago:

RANCHO MIRAGE, CA – A six foot tall rabbit was seen leaving the Betty Ford Clinic this week.  Is the Easter Bunny trying to clean up before his big day?Camped outside the clinic’s entrance, reporters snapped pictures of a six foot tall rabbit leaving at 3am this Tuesday.  A positive identification was not possible as the giant rabbit was wearing a disguise.

Was this the Easter Bunny, or some other giant anthropomorphic rabbit?  Experts are unsure.

The Easter Bunny himself has a long history with substance abuse.  Formerly just a sugar addict, while delivering baskets in New York in the mid eighties the Easter Bunny became hooked on cocaine.  Families throughout America would wake on Easter morning to find half-filled baskets in the living room and cash missing from their wallets.

June 5th 1989 a joint task force between the FBI and DEA caught the Easter Bunny at a motel outside of Houston, Texas.  He had led the agents on a 5 state chase before finally being caught surrounded by chocolate eggs filled with methamphetamines.

Since being released from prison the Easter Bunny has stayed clean, and volunteered with drug education/prevention programs for children.  He was even a guest on a “Scared Straight” television special, detailing his former life as a junkie.

Was this the Easter Bunny leaving the rehab clinic?  Is he cleaning up his act again before the big day?  Was he getting help to stay strong before during the stress and temptation of his holiday?  Or was this a different anthropomorphic rabbit trying to get his life together?

Keep reading the Weekly World News for more details.