I’m madder than an armless guy at the slot machines!

So the Communist-in-Chief wants us to snitch on our fellow citizens, huh? We’re supposed to send any “fishy” messages we get about health care to flag@whitehouse.gov

(Funny: that’s the closest thing to a “flag” Obama seems to want to get!)

But the plan backfired. Sure enough, so many people are sending them stuff that the White House computers are broken. (Watch for a big drop off in porn-o profits this week, everybody!)

I just hope some of you great Americans have told the White House all about me!

After all, old Ed here has been telling you the TRUTH about the Teleprompter Kid since day one:

How he wants to turn every hospital in America into a DMV, and how he’s taken over my plasmatic teevee, and how Joe Biden’s hair plugs have latched onto his brain.

And I think the Government might be on to me now. My tap water tastes awful funny lately. Our good old rotary phone’s making weird clicking sounds. And I think they replaced our cocker spaniel with a fake commie clone – he keeps looking at me like I’m crazy.

I don’t care, America! I WANT to be on the Teleprompter Kid’s Enemies List. It’ll be my proudest thing since I got my Purple Heart on Pork Chop Hill!

Be sure to look up all my columns about the Communist-in-Chief’s sinister plans for the U. S. of A, and send them ALL to flag@whitehouse.gov!

Speak out while you still can, my fellow patriots – before Obama replaces “The Star Spangled Banner” with “Blowing in the Wind”!

I’m madder than a mailman who’s run out of bullets!

For months now, you’ve been laughing at old Ed when he told you government health care would be like the DMV.

Well, hard as it is to admit it, I was wrong. Obama set me straight yesterday in his town hall. He got asked if government medicine would wreck all the private companies out there.

The Communist-in-Chief said:

“UPS and FedEx are doing just fine. It’s the Post Office that’s always having problems.”

So there you have it, straight from the mouth of the Teleprompter Kid (whose machine must have been unplugged right then):

Government health care won’t be like the DMV. It’ll be like the POST OFFICE!

So: when we need ‘em the most, doctors and nurses will be on their lunch hour. Or they’ll all get replaced by losers and crazies and clock-watchers who couldn’t get jobs anywhere else.

Now we know our brand new liver will end up getting broken on the way to the O.R., or get stolen by some guy in the back room.

Doctors will refuse to operate on us because our dog’s too big or our walkway’s too snowy or we’re just too old and too much trouble.

You just wait: under this Obamacare, we’re gonna have to stick special government stamps all over our butts if we want to get our hemorrhoids looked at! Just wait til you need a vasectomy!!

And then, when the heart surgeon’s had a really bad day, he’ll pick up an AK-47 and shoot up the emergency ward!

Thanks for clearing that up, Mr. President! I feel better already. And I hope I stay that way!!

I’m angrier than Adam Smith in an itchy kilt about what’s happened to our once great nation!

The other day I saw the Communist-in-Chief at a townhall meeting on tv — but I thought I was watching ‘Let’s Make a Deal’.

One lady got up and told him she needed a car and a new kitchen. The Teleprompter Kid told her to talk with his staff after the show and sure enough, some rich friend of his gave her a house! I thought I was watching Oprah instead of Obama!

Heck, Jesus himself only gave out fish sandwiches.

Some other guy wanted more unemployment insurance, and another didn’t like his benefits at McDonald’s. Mr. and Mrs. America, it was like a bunch of kids visiting Santa at the mall, except these nuts were louder and crazier!

Did folks beg Abe Lincoln for spare change on his way to the movies? Did John Adams buy everyone a new washing machine? What an embarrassment!

What happened to the good old days, when ordinary Americans worked at the same job for forty years, got a gold watch, then pawned it when times got tough?

We complain about the lineups at the DMV, but we want the same government to take care of us?

You all should move to Cuba, where Castro will give you a second hand rice cooker once in a while before he throws you in jail. Old Ed Anger will gladly buy you moochers a one-way ticket, cuz it’ll be the last free thing you get on this man’s dime!