Dick Cheney is writing his memoirs. Weekly World News has acquired an advance look at the torrid tale of his relationship with President Bush.

WASHINGTON, DC – Handymen accidentally cracked open the man-sized safe of exiting Vice President Dick Cheney while transferring his effects.

WASHINGTON, DC – Vice President Dick Cheney has announced that he is a Vampire. Holding a press conference in the hours before dawn, Cheney stated, “I am an Undead-American.”