DETROIT, MI – North Carolina wins the NCAA Basketball Championship. Broadcast interruption sparked riots in small towns across the country.

NEW YORK, NY – No doubt that most in America have heard of the NCAA tournament, if not gotten involved in an office pool, online contest, or friendly wager.

My America, the America I know and love has been in a coma. For too long it has been asleep at the wheel… the wheel of a foreign-made car. It’s time to wake up and tell the rest of the world to GET OFF OUR LAWN!!!

DETROIT, MI – After announcing new “self-parking” cars, reports have emerged about the source of the revolutionary technology – goblins!

The yet to be named automobile is known internally as “Codename Twinkle”