WASHINGTON – Sources say President Obama is making Hillary Clinton his Vice President and Joe Biden will be the new Secretary of State.

HOLLYWOOD – In what could be a new celebrity trend, Matt Damon, announced he will give all his future earnings to the U.S. government.

WASHINGTON – The White House confirmed rumors that President Obama is replacing Joe Biden with Andrew Cuomo.

WASHINGTON, DC – Huma Abedin returned from overseas and grilled Anthony Weiner. He’s done.

WASHINGTON – Anthony Weiner told WWN this morning he will resign from office today.

WASHINGTON – Jon Stewart announced this morning that he will run for president in 2012.

NEW YORK, NY – Bill Clinton is getting some sharp words from an unexpected source.

NEW YORK – Dan Rather went on MSNBC and confirmed to Lawrence O’Donnell that he is, in fact, an alien.

DALLAS, TX – Secretary of Homeland Security, Janet Napolitano, announced the White House’s plan to deport 15 million Republicans to Mexico.

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid has decided to work for a male brothel in Nevada, part of a new campaign strategy “to serve all Nevada voters.”