WASHINGTON –  Jon Stewart announced this morning that he will run for president in 2012.

In an exclusive interview with WWN, Jon Stewart announced his candidacy for president in 2012.  He said he was inspired by the overwhelming turnout during the Rally to Restore Sanity. Over 10 million people flocked to the National Mall to hear Stewart speak over the weekend.

“I’m like a leader to anti-conflictinators,” said Stewart, “and if I can get all of them to vote for me on Election Day, I’d win the race in a landslide. White house here I come!”

Stewart’s bid for presidency came at a crucial time for Democrats, whose political power is expected to sustain a formidable blow after midterm elections. Republicans are projected to gain nearly 230 seats in the House of Representatives and reclaim control of the chamber.

“Jon Stewart might be the Democrat’s only hope for restoring political power,” said Mike Hamilton, a political analyst for CNN. “They already lost the Senate, Obama is on his way out, and before long they won’t have a single stake in American politics. There would be nobody left to represent America’s rich media executives, hair-brained activists, and ignorant, self-entitled hipsters.”

In a statement released Sunday night, Stewart announced that he would be running under the “Pee Party Movement.” The name is a satirical jab at the Tea Party Movement that has taken American politics by storm.

“The Pee Party Movement is for the people and from the people,” said Stewart. “We’re not lukewarm on any issues. We’ll fight for what we believe, and that’s a free, liberal nation where people are allowed to make fun of each other as they so please!”

Statistics from early voter polls predict that over 95% of Democratic voters would support Stewart if he ran for president in 2012.

“He’s, like, the funniest guy on TV,” said Skeeter Douglas, a graduate student at UCLA and part-time hemp farmer. “My buddies and I watch the Daily Show every night, and we’re always like, ‘Dude! That guy would make the most tubular president ever! He should totally run!’”

Though Jon Stewart has not officially designated a running mate, authorities speculate that Stephen Colbert of the Colbert Report will likely join Stewart in the race for the White House.

“It’s a sad day for the Democratic Party when a comedian is our best bet of reclaiming the Oval Office,” said House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. “I guess it makes sense though. If you look at every Democrat in the last two years, you’d think we’re all a bunch of jokes.”

Here is Stewart’s first campaign speech.

KANSAS CITY, MO – At a Kansas City rally, Michelle Obama brought Obatma on stage and proudly accepted him into the Obama family!

During  a Vote for Change rally, Michelle spoke about her passion for helping American families thrive. “Policies that support families aren’t political issues. They’re personal. They’re the causes I carry with me every single day.

“My own family must thrive as well. While I was hesitant in the beginning, I’ve decidedly to support my husband’s policies and feelings towards mutant-Americans, and embrace a new member of our family! Come on up, Obatma!”

The crowd jumped to their feet and cheered as Obama’s half-human half-bat half-brother, little Obatma, scurried up the stairs to embrace Michelle.

While incapable of human speech, he did shriek loudly into the mic, causing one of the speakers to blow out.

Political analysts believe Michelle’s show of tolerance and love will bring any undecided mutants and mutant-sympathizers to the Democratic side.

AUSTIN, TX – On the campus of the University of Texas yesterday afternoon, Bat Boy registered to vote in the Lone Star State.

This marked the forty-eighth state in which the half-bat, half-boy national icon successfully registered to help the nation decide the next US President.  Weekly World News sources confirmed that he will attempt to register in Virginia and Washington, D.C. before November’s election.

Getting wind of the incredible feat of voter fraud, several watchdog groups have so far filed lawsuits in 37 states.  When confronted with the issue, Federal Election Commission Chairman Donald McGahn said, “Sure it’s a travesty of justice, but, well, it’s Bat Boy.  He’s an American institution.”

Conservatives are speculating that Senator Barack Obama used his ties to the space alien who endorsed him to assist in Bat Boy’s multi-state registration. It is widely believed that Obama’s recent revelation of his mutant half-brother Obatma that swayed Bat Boy’s decision to vote Democratic.

HURUMA, KENYA – Evidence has now surfaced that while on his summer international tour, Barack Obama disappeared from Israel to attend a secret meeting in Huruma, a ramshackle town on the outskirts of Nairobi.

Though the true purpose of this meeting remains a highly guarded secret, one Kenyan source claims to have seen the presidential hopeful sharing a cigarette with what appeared to be a young man-child bearing a striking resemblance to the Democratic nominee but with larger and more pointed ears.

The Kenyan also reported that the man-child had bulging eyes.

The source was unclear if the man-child’s eyes were naturally bulged or were bulging as a result of what Obama may have told the mysterious creature.

The Weekly World News investigative team continues to probe this mystery and expects to acquire photographic evidence of this clandestine encounter within hours.

Washington, DC – The nation’s undead community is demanding the right to health insurance—and it is a battle it can win, say experts.

“We can’t issue health insurance to people who are technically not alive,” says one insurance industry spokesman. “But there is a possibility that we can provide undead plans, especially if the insured are nonsmokers.”

However, the government is firmly against the move.

A Capitol Hill insider says when insurance for vampires, werewolves and other undead species was mentioned to President Bush, he said it was “like a stake through his heart,” especially with Democratic members of Congress calling for the establishment of a Department of Undead Affairs.

“Aren’t the undead susceptible to their own weaknesses, like garlic and holy water?” asks one Democratic congresswoman. “Surely they have a right to insurance like everyone else.”

Both presidential candidates have been asked for their opinion on undead health insurance at recent rallies. Senator Obama responded, “I would be more than happy to discuss undead coverage in the future, once we’ve sorted out the living first.”

Senator McCain was less supportive. “When I become President, I am seriously considering putting a spending freeze on everything except defense and the caring of our veterans. Undead insurance is not exactly at the top of my list,” he snickered.

Vampire spokesman Anton Dreisch told Weekly World News: “I believe President Bush and Senator McCain have declared war on vampires and other members of the undead because they don’t think we’re part of their constituency. A number of us are Republicans. It’s not like we died and came back to life with different politics. That would be absurd!”

“Big Washington needs to think really hard about what they’re getting themselves into if we are denied. We literally have all the time in the world to fight for this.”