McLEAN, VA. – A Virginia woman was arrested for breastfeeding her one-month old son near the home of the G.O.P. Presidential hopeful.

After speculation that Callista Gingrich made the 911 call to report the breastfeeding woman, the former Speaker’s wife explained her reasoning at a news conference. “Yes, I made the call. I spoke up on behalf of my family and Newt’s campaign. We support the McLean Police Department’s aggressive stance on public indecency and the decision to arrest Ms. Valentine. This is a family neighborhood filled with hard-working American people. We stand together as a community. We will not allow people like this to infiltrate. We are trying to rebuild the America we love, and there is no room for obscenity.”

First-time mother Sherry Valentine was charged with indecent exposure and child endangerment for allegedly pulling over to feed her son. Valentine claims she couldn’t calm the baby because she was driving. She stopped the car on what she called “a quiet street” and sat on a seat in a park gazebo, just a few blocks from the Gingrich home.

Ms. Gingrich happened upon the scene as she returned from a campaign event celebrating her husband’s South Carolina primary victory. It is unclear where Valentine and her newborn live, but neighborhood association sources confirm, “they’re not from around here. “

When answering questions from reporters, Gingrich continued, “It’s inappropriate, really. People need to take care of these situations in private. Some secrets should remain behind closed doors.”

NEW YORK, NY – Two of today’s biggest media personalities exchanged some verbal blows!

What was intended to be a casual discussion and debate about politics turned into a heated confrontation with verbal assaults and sarcastic quips. Jon Stewart, host of “The Daily Show”, and Bill O’Reilly, host of “The O’Reilly Factor”, lost their scripts and got into their own agendas. Not to anyone’s surprise, Obama can be indirectly blamed for this. The tense moments unfolded when Obama’s performance in his first year as President was the topic of discussion and then quickly turned into a debate about the fairness of Fox News Channel.

While the debate was certainly spirited, it did not lack its moments of humor and light-heartedness. In one of the better exchanges of the night, O’Reilly asked Stewart if he would be “shocked” to discover that a “Democratic” poll found Fox to be the most trusted news channel on television. Stewart, not to be outdone, countered with, “Are you shocked that an Internet poll said I’m the most trusted newscaster in America?”

Stewart’s opinions lie in that he believes Fox News Channel has a tendency to cut away from coverage that doesn’t fit the network’s narrative. The network has an official stance as part news, part opinion entity and Stewart feels that certain shows such as Glenn Beck’s and OReilly’s are not news. O’Reilly countered by pointing out that Fox News Channel’s coverage of the Massachusetts’ recent special election return was the most balanced.

The exchanges kept going throughout the interview but no real feelings were hurt. The debate was between two great minds in today’s world of politics, news, and opinions. Both made great points and both got their share of jabs in. Check out the intense debate below.

PASS CHRISTIAN, MS – In last night’s debate, both presidential nominees Barack Obama and John McCain repeated a story about a “Joe Plumber”. Weekly World News researchers scoured the nation for this elusive American.  Far from Big Washington, Joseph “Joe” Plummer actually resides in the coastal town of Pass Christian, Mississippi.

“Sure I know who they are,” said a confused Plummer.  “Can’t say yet which one I’ll be voting for.  But no, I’ve never met either of them.  Why do you ask?”

Both Obama’s and McCain’s representatives refused to comment on the apparent inconsistency in the candidates’ debate.

DALLAS, TX – Republican presidential nominee John McCain announced Monday he will suspend his campaign yet again in order to upgrade his cybernetic systems. Sources say he hopes to appear more passably human before the final debate.

McCain’s need for an upgrade comes as no surprise to many insiders.  During the Oct 7th debate his GPS systems were noticeably damaged, causing him to wander aimlessly for much of the evening.

Last month investigators discovered that John McCain had many of his internal organs replaced with cybernetic systems.  Doctors believe his extensive cybernetic infrastructure is the only thing giving him a one in four chance of survival for the next seven years.

Glitches in the Arizona senator’s operating system became most apparent in Dallas when he answered an economic question by engaging his loafer-jets and repeatedly flying headfirst into a wall.  After a quick reboot the senator apologized and went on to talk about tax cuts.

The McCain campaign hopes an upgrade before the Oct. 15th debates will help the senator, who has been behind in polls for weeks, appear more modern and life-like.  GOP cyborg specialist Dennis Fiorino said “Our candidate will receive the most up-to-date software for dealing with twenty-first century problems.  After his Vista upgrade, he will be the best equipped to lead our nation.”

BREAKING NEWS! Senator McCain has asked for the Friday debate to be delayed so he may “focus on the economy”. But insiders tell Weekly World News it’s just a cover-up to hide his secret leg-lengthening surgery!

“I won’t be dwarfed by a Democrat!”, candidate declares.

Republican presidential hopeful John McCain has issued a tall order to his medical staff — he wants to add 5 inches to his height so he won’t look like a shrimp in the debates beside his Democratic rival, Barak Obama.

McCain, who stands 5 feet 7 inches, is painfully aware how puny 5-foot-6-inch Michael Dukakis appeared during debates with 6-foot-2-inch George H.W. Bush during the 1988 campaign.

“Dukakis lost that election because he was shorter than Bush,” McCain told an aide. “I don’t want the same thing to happen to me when I have to go face-to-face with Obama.”

Barak Obama stands an impressive 6 feet 1½ inches tall, and McCain feels if he can get to 6 feet, he’ll be able to nullify the height advantage.

McCain has arranged to undergo a pioneering operation, in which the patient is stretched on a special bed for three hours a day while his bones are injected with calcium. The procedure induces a growth spurt like the one many people experience during adolescence.

“McCain is extremely fearful that basketball-loving Obama will challenge him to a game of one-on-one,” says a campaign worker. “With their present height differential, McCain would get his head handed to him. It might be enough to tip the balance in Obama’s favor in a close race.”