NASHVILLE, TN – Obama for America campaign manager, David Plouffe, has accused Republican Presidential candidate Senator John McCain of using alien technology to acquire the questions of last night’s debate in advance.

Plouffe reports multiple sightings of the palm-sized Qwoak aliens, notorious for their ability to predict the future, throughout the theater.

Allegations that McCain allowed one of the Qwoak to sit on his shoulder throughout the debate have not been confirmed.

This is not the first time the McCain campaign has been accused of utilizing supernatural forces to gain unfair advantages in the campaign.  During the Primary, voters reported hexes and spells being used to prevent supporters of former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney from entering polling places.

Until now, it was thought that the Qwoak as well as other intergalactic visitors were remaining neutral in this year’s election.  Tampering with the debate in favor of McCain could put a damper on relations between the Qwoak and the United States should Senator Obama win the presidency.

Reached for comment, Democratic Chairman Howard Dean said, “The use of any means, domestic or alien, to gain access to the debate questions in advance is a blatant violation of the policies that both campaigns agreed to.  We will push for a full investigation.”

A spokesman for the McCain Campaign did not return a call for comment.  A call to the Qwoak Ambassador to the United States was also not returned.

BREAKING NEWS!

These drawings were found left behind on Palin’s debate notes last night showing both her belief in what should be taught in schools but also her view on the natural evolution of woman. The images show Palin evolving from Christian obedience, gunslinging hunter, patriotic beauty queen, and expectant wife to Governor Mother.

These drawings give further backing to the rumored leak of confidential papers expanding on Palin’s faith-friendly approach to school science, “Palintology”.

Apparently, evolution, global warming, carbon dating, and dinosaurs will be presented as theories which children are welcome to disregard if they choose.   During tests, students will have the option of providing a traditional scientific answer or saying “God did it.”  Any answer the student gives will be seen as equally valid and protected by their First Amendment rights.

“Many natural processes,” Palin writes, “are too complicated to be fully understood.  Godly intervention is just as legitimate as any other scientific theory. I mean, there’s a reason why bananas are ideal for human consumption. Do you think evolution made it so perfectly hand-sized?

“Maybe ‘Darwinism’ used to make sense, but we’ve got guns now. Survival of the fittest doesn’t apply anymore.”

Critics in the scientific world remain livid, but many Americans feel its the only way to take their classrooms back. It is rumored Palintology has drawn support from celebrities including former “Growing Pains” star Kirk Cameron and Mel Gibson.

Thursday, October 2, 2008
Republican insiders are abuzz with speculation that Sarah Palin may reveal during tonight’s Vice Presidential debate a faith-friendly take on science the Governor calls ‘Palintology’ in an effort to sway voters.

Hoping to galvanize Republicans in time for the election Governor Palin has released a system for public school science classes which she says “leaves room for faith.” Conservatives are hailing the idea as an appropriate middle ground.

Stay tuned for additional reporting!

WASHINGTON, D.C. – John McCain received support from a most unlikely source today.

WIth his popularity slipping in the polls. his running mate pounded by Katie Couric, and internet rumors that a stroke has caused laziness in his left eye, McCain was visited by the apparition of former TLC singer Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes.

Sources from the McCain camp, said the crossover was brief but uplifting.

As McCain descended the rear entrance of The Capitol late last night, Lopes’ apparition hovered alongside McCain and crooned personalized lyrics to her TLC song, “Keep Your Head to the Sky”.

“Keep your head to the sky; lift your life and reach high; wipe your tears and don’t cry; open your left eye; go to the debate tonight, you will make it if you try.”

The cantankerous McCain surprised onlookers by continuing the singalong after the apparition had vanished.