I’m madder than a sick old coot with a rusty bedpan! You can make fun all you want, but those “Death Panels” are no joke!

First off, Sarah Palin would never lie to you and me. She’s so honest and up front, she doesn’t even hunt with blinds – nope, she swoops right in on a big noisy helicopter so the caribou know she’s coming!

Why are Death Panels so hard to believe? We love our pets, but we still put ‘em down when they get too old and sick and stop being cute.

Now think about it: Half the wives in America want their husbands dead, and vice versa! And who wouldn’t kill their bratty kids, if they knew they could get away with it? Heck, I love my bloodhound more than my damn nephew with his pimples and Pac-Man!

So if the government makes killing legal, and it saves everybody money – you bet there’ll be Death Panels. They’ll give ‘em a nice name like the Community Inhalation Advisory Board, but it’ll be the same thing.

And the first name on the death list will be your old friend Ed Anger!

As a veteran of Pork Chop Hill, I can tell you: they already hand out brochures to old soldiers like me, hinting that we should hurry up and die and get it over with.

And I’m an enemy of the state, to boot! There’s no room in the Teleprompter Kid’s America for a God-fearing patriot like me! When they kill off all the old guys who love the U. S. of A., the only people left with be the Communist-in-Chief and his terrorist friends.

Fight back with everything you’ve got, my fellow fogies! You’ve got nothing to lose but your bingo daubers!

Seeking to further disrupt Town Hall health care meetings Republicans have sent in their secret weapon, Manigator!

Dissent over the Presidents proposed health care reforms has been spearheaded by vitriolic town hall meetings.  Debate on the nature of health care reform has been effectively drowned out by raucous and vitriolic shouting matches between conservative citizens and often effite Democrat speakers.  So successful has this been that Republicans have called in the infamous rabble rouser, Manigator.

Wanted in several states and banned from entering Canada Manigator has been seen at several of the town halls.  Loud, beligerrent, and usually drunk, the presence of the half man half alligator mutant makes it impossible for Democrat speakers to talk about health care.  Any intelligent discussion of the facts is quickly drowned out by his drunken shenanigans.

An inside source tells us that two weeks ago Republican officials went down to the Everglades to find Manigator in his trailor.  Knowing he had been an avid McCain supporter they offered to fly him to various town halls across the country.  In exchange he wanted a carton of smokes for each trip, a case of cheap beer, and an autographed picture of Megan McCain.

Since then he has been seen at town halls across the country.  In Kentucky he was videotaped saying “You ain’t gonna make me socialist!  This is America, an’ we all live ‘n breathe for American way! An’ that’s trucks ‘n stuff not, whatever.  NOBAMA!”  In Pennsylvania when the speaker asked him to please be quiet or leave, he climbed on top of the podium and, with a beer in each hand, led the crowd in chanting “Just Say No!”  At a Michigan event last week he went off on Death Panels saying “Man, jury duty’s bad enough.  But this, no way.  Uncle Sam ain’t tellin’ me what to do!”  The many rednecks in the audience began clapping wildly at his words.  Frustrated, the Democrat Senator who was there to speak threw down his notes and left the room.  The rednecks wheeled their elderly relatives whom they brought as props to the front of the room and began an impromptu wheelchair square dance.  Manigator was soon passed out in the corner with a bottle of Jack in his hands.

With these successes under their belts, Manigator’s handlers wanted to set him loose at the Obama town hall held yesterday.  Unfortunately Secret Service agents recognized the mutant at once and would not let him in to the assembly.  He spent much of the day rallying conservative supporters outside the New Hampshire school, and hitting on any woman who looked his way.   By 5pm he was running away from local police for 8 counts of public urination and stealing a policeman’s hat.

Whether Republicans will continue to use Manigator in this way is unclear.  Democrat organizers are now suggesting that anyone wishing to attend their town halls make sure their shots are up to date.

Republicans continue their criticism of Health Care reform.  Birthers claim they have proof of Democrat Death Panels.

Last week Sarah Palin decried the Obama Health Care plan for having “Death Panels” which she said would euthanize those deemed “unproductive to society” like her child with down syndrome.  Actual proof of such policies has yet to be provided but that has not stopped right wing support of Mrs. Palin’s claims.

Newt Gingrich came forward this weekend to express support of Palin’s criticisms of a “government run health system that pays for itself by killing off the sick and the elderly.”  When asked where in the health plan it says that people would be killed he replied “Um, can I get back to you on that?”

According to Palin those deemed “unproductive” by democrats would be encouraged by government agents to consent to being euthanized “for the good of the State.”  Those who decline would be taken forcibly and “made an example of.”  While Democrats in Washington condemn these notions as preposterous Orly Taites says she has proof!

Orly Taites, mother of the Birther movement, claims to have proof of Democrat Death Panels.  Taits claims to have photographic proof of the elderly being rounded up from nursing homes by government officials.  Critics say that these are simply stock photos from advertisements of nursing homes, to which Taites says she is being unfairly ridiculed and surpressed.

Hundreds of conservatives, including the Birthers, have joined their voices in condemning Health Care reform.  Already in town halls across the midwest angry citizens are throwing their elderly at local representatives in protest.

One Iowa woman began screaming at a town hall meeting “This is not the America that I love!  This health care plan is not what my father served in Korea to protect!”  She then began beating a State Assemblyman with her geriatric father.

Washington Democrats have yet to effectively prove that they are not holding secret Death Panels.  Until the government has adequately proven that they are not planning to systematically kill the sick and the elderly the protests are expected to continue; with elderly people being thrown in protest in small towns across America.