DALLAS — Tornadoes tore through the Dallas area , tearing roofs off homes, tossing trucks into the air and leaving flattened tractor trailers strewn along highways and parking lots.

The National Weather Service confirmed at least two separate “large and extremely dangerous” tornadoes in the Dallas-Fort Worth area. Several other developing twisters were reported as a band of violent storms moved north through the metropolitan area. Officials had no immediate information about injuries.

Footage from highway video cameras showed a large, dark funnel cloud moving on the ground not far from a major interstate early Tuesday afternoon. Crumpled orange tractor trailers were later visible in a Dallas County parking lot, as well as flattened trailers along the sides of highways and access roads.

In Lancaster, south of Dallas, local television footage showed homes, without roofs while other buildings were flattened.

Plywood was strewn on the grass and on top of buildings. Residents could be seen walking down the street with firefighters and peering into homes, looking at the damage after the storm passed.

Officials had no immediate information about injuries.

The storm pushed cars into fences and toppled trees. Branches and limbs were scattered across lawns and in the streets. A tow-behind RV was torn apart and crumpled in a driveway where part of a roof of the home was torn off.

NEW YORK – Sources say tapes released reveal that Jackie Kennedy believed Lyndon Johnson was also the  mastermind behind RFK’s assassination.

Tapes recorded by the First Lady months after the President’s death are to be released ahead of schedule by her daughter Caroline.

In the tapes, to be broadcast by ABC, Kennedy reveals her belief that Johnson and a cabal of Texas tycoons orchestrated the murder of her husband by gunman Lee Harvey Oswald AND, sources close to an insider at ABC said that the tapes also reveal that Jackie believed Johnson also orchestrated the murder of Bobby Kennedy.

Kennedy, who later became Jackie Onassis, claims on the tapes that the Los Angeles murder was part of a larger conspiracy by Johnson to keep Robert Kennedy from becoming President.

President Johnson reportedly never liked Bobby and didn’t want him to become the Democratic nominee for President.  Johnson was jealous because Bobby was younger and much better looking than he was.

Robert Kennedy, the brother of John F. Kennedy, was assassinated  shortly after midnight on June 5, 1968,. After winning the California primary election   for the Democratic nomination for President of the United States, Kennedy was shot as he walked through the kitchen of the Ambassador Hotel and died twenty-six hours later.

Sirhan Sirhan, 24-year-old Palestinian immigrant, was convicted of Kennedy’s murder and is serving a life sentence for the crime. The shooting was recorded on audio tape by a freelance newspaper reporter, and the aftermath was captured on film.

But rumors by insiders who have sources close to people who know about the tapes, say that Jackie Kennedy reveals, on tape, that President Johnson had met with Sirhan Sirhan three weeks prior in the White House.  Sirhan Sirhan was taking a White House tour, when Johnson complimented him on his shoes.

ABC executives have confirmed that the revelations in the tapes are ‘explosive’ with Jackie Kennedy allegedly blaming President Lyndon Johnson for the death of JFK.   The tapes were made in 1964, 1968 and 1970.  ABC executives have not confirmed that Jackie says that Lyndon Johnson had anything to do with Bobby’s death, but unreliable sources close to ABC say that this is definitely a second bombshell on the tapes.

Some sources close to tapes recorded by Dick Cavett stored in a vault in Bayonne, say that Lyndon Johnson was also responsible for the death of Janis Joplin and Jimi Hendrix.  “He was a wild Texan,” the Bayonne insider said.

NEW YORK – Tapes released by Caroline Kennedy reveal that Jackie Kennedy believed Lyndon B Johnson was the  mastermind behind JFK’s assassination.

Tapes recorded by the First Lady months after the President’s death are to be released ahead of schedule by her daughter Caroline.

In the tapes, to be broadcast by ABC, Kennedy reveals her belief that Johnson and a cabal of Texas tycoons orchestrated the murder of her husband by gunman Lee Harvey Oswald.

Kennedy, who later became Jackie Onassis, claims on the tapes that the Dallas murder was part of a larger conspiracy to allow Johnson to become American President in his own right.

Johnson, who served as state governor and senator for Texas, completed Kennedy’s term after the assassination and went on to be elected president.

Leading historian Arthur Schlesinger Jr. recorded the tapes with Jackie Kennedy within months of her husband’s death.

They have been stored in a sealed vault at the Kennedy Library in Boston after orders from Mrs Kennedy that they would remain secret for 50 years after her death.

Now, 17 years after her mother died from cancer, daughter Caroline has opted to release the tapes early.

She has entered an agreement with the ABC network in the States who will air the tapes after agreeing to cancel their Kennedys drama series which upset Caroline and the Kennedy family.

The $10 million series starred Tom Cruise’s wife Kate Holmes as Jackie Kennedy and critically charted the family’s political and personal trials and tribulations since the 1930s. It has now been dropped in a deal with Caroline concerning these tapes.

ABC executives have confirmed that the revelations in the tapes are ‘explosive’ with Jackie Kennedy allegedly blaming President Lyndon Johnson for the death of JFK.

It is believed the tapes also include the suggestion that President Kennedy was having an affair with a 19-year-old White House intern with his wife even claiming that she found underwear in their bedroom.

Jackie Kennedy also admits to several affairs of her own in the tapes – one with Hollywood star William Holden and another with Fiat founder Gianni Agnelli – in  retaliation for the President’s indiscretions.

There are also claims that the couple had discussed having more children in the weeks before his death.

Noted Kennedy family historian and author Edward Klein said: “Jackie regarded the pretty young things in the White House as superficial flings for Jack. She did retaliate by having her own affairs.

“There was a period during which she was delighted to be able to annoy her husband with her own illicit romances.”

MIAMI – Miami Heat fans buying up voodoo dolls by the thousands to curse the Mavs.

They’re selling out like hot cakes. The owner of El Viejo Lazaro Botanica,  which sells all sorts of bizarre religious supplies, including voodoo dolls, says that most of his customers are buying his voodoo dolls to curse the Mavs.

Miami fans are gathering in groups and sticking as many pins into voodoo dolls, hoping that the Mavericks will suffer from the stings of the voodoo pins.  “We are going to all stick pins in our dolls when the game starts tonight,” said Willie James of Miami.  “Dirk is going down in the first quarter.  He’s going down!”

Miami fans are also buying an herbal bath product called “Paraiso,” as reported by TMZ. The shop owner said a user puts the herbs in a bath, gets in, and visualizes what he wants to happen, such as the Miami Heat winning.

If a lot of Miami fans were bathing with Paraiso for Game 4, their efforts apparently didn’t work. LeBron James scored only eight points in total for the whole game, as the Heat lost to the Mavericks 86-83.

According to the owner, you put the herbs in a bath, get in, then visualize what you want to happen — in this case, a Miami Heat victory.

But that won’t stop the Heat fans from cheering and — sticking pins in their Mav voodoo dolls!

WASHINGTON -  Secret CIA memos reveal that President John F. Kennedy was killed because he wanted to release the UFO files.

An uncovered letter written by John F Kennedy to the head of the CIA shows that the president demanded to be shown highly confidential documents about UFOs 10 days before his assassination.

The secret memo is one of two letters written by JFK asking for information about the paranormal on November 12 1963, which have been released by the CIA for the first time.

A second memo was released that details the findings of a report – confirming that JFK was killed by government officials covering-up the existence of UFOs and aliens.  It also details the UFO sightings over Dealey Plaza on November 22, 1963.

Author William Lester said the CIA released the documents t under the Freedom of Information Act after he made a request while researching his new book ‘A Celebration of Freedom: JFK and the New Frontier.’

The president’s interest in UFOs shortly before his death confirms theories about his assassination  – that the CIA was worried about him making public the UFO files.

Alien researchers say the latest documents, released to Mr Lester by the CIA, prove that the president was shot to stop him revealing the truth about UFOs.  In one of the secret documents released under the Freedom of Information Act, JFK writes to the director asking for the UFO files.

In the second memo, sent to the NASA administrator, the president expresses a desire for cooperation with the former Soviet Union on mutual outer space activities and investigation to aliens on earth.

The previously classified documents were released under the Freedom of Information Act to teacher William Lester as part of research for a new book about JFK.

He said that JFK’s interest in UFOs could have been fueled by concerns about relations with the former Soviet Union.

Days before he was killed, JFK wrote to the CIA demanding access to their files about UFOs.

Unclassified: A second memo written by JFK on November 12 1963, 10 days before his assassination, which has been released by the CIA

One of his concerns was that a lot of these UFOs were being seen over the Soviet Union and he was very concerned that the Soviets might misinterpret these UFOs as U.S. aggression, believing that it was some of our technology,” Mr Lester said.

“I think this is one of the reasons why he wanted to get his hands on this information and get it away from the jurisdiction of NASA so he could say to the Soviets, “Look, that’s not us, we’re not doing it, we’re not being provocative.”

But conspiracy theorists said the documents add interest to a disputed file, nicknamed the ‘burned memo”, which a UFO investigator claims he received in the 1990s.

The document, which has scorch marks, is claimed to have been posted to UFO hunter Timothy Cooper in 1999 by an unknown CIA leak, but has never been verified.

Disputed: In the ‘burned memo’ the CIA director allegedly wrote: ‘Lancer [JFK] has made some inquiries regarding our activities, which we cannot allow’

In a note sent with the document, the apparent leaker said he worked for CIA between 1960 and 1974 and pulled the memo from a fire when the agency was burning some of its most sensitive files.

The undated memo contains a reference to ‘Lancer’, which was JFK’s Secret Service code name.
On the first page, the director of Central Intelligence wrote: ‘As you must know, Lancer has made some inquiries regarding our activities, which we cannot allow.

‘Please submit your views no later than October. Your action to this matter is critical to the continuance of the group.’

The current owner of the ‘burned memo’, who bought it from Timothy Cooper in 2001 told AOL News that it shows that when JFK asked questions about UFOs that the CIA ‘bumped him off’.
UFO investigator Robert Wood said he has tested the paper it was printed on, the ink age, watermarks, font types and other markings.

He said: ‘I hired a forensics company to check the age of the ink and check several other things that you can date, using the same techniques you’d use in a court of law.’

A new study conducted by researchers at the University of Pennsylvania found that watching the Super Bowl causes male impotence!

The study, which examined data from 20,000 incidents in which male participants were forced to watch footage from previous Super Bowls, successfully linked the watching of high-intensity, fast-paced sports footage to a sharp decrease in the male “virility.”

“The results were startling,” said biology professor Adam Dawson, the study’s lead researcher. “Even though Americans consider the Super Bowl to be one of the manliest events on TV, it turns out that watching it might not be so good for our…ahem… “health.”

According to Dawson, it is not uncommon for a man to contract a debilitating case of impotence even if he doesn’t profess to “watch the Super Bowl.” As the study suggests, merely being in the presence of a television on which the Super Bowl is being played can cause similar effects.

Even cheerleaders had not affect on the male participants in the study..

The study cites one case of a man who, after accidentally catching a glimpse of a Super Bowl commercial out of the corner of his eye last year, was rushed to the hospital with acute symptoms of impotence. He emerged three weeks later as a full-fledged woman.

“I never thought this would happen to me,” said the woman, who spoke on the condition of anonymity. “I don’t even like football. I just went to that stupid Super Bowl party for the spinach dip. And now look at me!”

The study’s researchers cautioned to avoid watching the Super Bowl at all costs if they “value their manhood.”

“We know it won’t be easy,” said Dawson, “but were asking men to skip out on the Super Bowl this year. We want them to try to watch something else, something that doesn’t resemble the Super Bowl in any way – like an ice dancing marathon on the Lifetime channel.”

Some men have taken this warning to heart, and have already vowed to turn off their TVs come Super Bowl Sunday. Others, however, cannot resist the urge to sit back in their La-Z-Boys, crack open a few beers, and feast their eyes on the highly anticipated showdown between the Pittsburgh Steelers and Green Bay Packers.

“Nothing gets between me and my Steelers,” said Bill Pascal, a diehard Steelers fan from West Pennsylvania, “not even incapacitating case of male impotence.”

“Besides,” added Pascal, “I’m chubby, bald, and a Steelers fan – who’s going to want to date me in the first place?”

Dawson said he hopes that the new study will raise awareness for the dangers and health risks involved in watching the Super Bowl.

“130 million people are going to watch the Super Bowl this year,” said Dawson. “That means at least 85 million men will be putting their masculinity at stake by tuning in. If you truly appreciate your manliness, then turn off that TV!”

Super Bowl XLV, which will be played between the Pittsburgh Steelers and Green Bay Packers, airs next Sunday, February 6, on FOX. Coverage starts at 6:30 pm. Will you be watching?

DALLAS  – A rare pink hippo, spotted on a farm outside Dallas, was soon shot dead by a local rancher.

They say you have to be drunk to see pink elephants. But you really have to be sober to see a rare pink hippo, as two farmers recently did, near Bowie, Texas.

Brothers Jud and Lucas Berne wrote on their blog about their shock at seeing the animal, roaming with the other cattle on their farm.

“We have just returned from a trip to grocer store when we spotted that dang hippo.  We nearly spit, when we saw that.  We called the local authorities and they came over to take it to the zoo,” Jud told WWN.

Authorities confirmed that the young, rosy-colored animal was, in fact, a hippopotamus.  “National Geographic called and said they wanted to come and take some pictures, and after I asked Rancher Kellogg if it was okay, because that dang hippo was on his land, we said yes and they came over.”  Lucas said.  “I love National Geographic. They show some nice naked ladies.”

No one could explain how a hippopotamus – usually found in Africa – could have made it’s way onto a farm in Dallas, but there were a lot of theories flying around Bowie.  “I think that pinko thing got swept up in a hurricane that got going in Africa and it just flew over here and landed on the Jones farm,” said Thelma Whyte.  “Pigs don’t fly, but it looks like hippos do.”

Pink HIppo in the mud

The whole town of Bowie came out to see the animal.  But somebody forgot to tell Old Man Jones about the hippo.  “He saw the pink animal running around between the calves and thought it was a sick pig or something,”  Jud said.   “He blasted that hippo to smithereens.”

Local Animal Control, Bowie Police and National Geographic photographers tried to save the pink hippo, but there was nothing left but a bunch of intestines lying on the ground. “Old Man Jones is a dead-eye.  He sure is,” said Lucas.

“Too bad he shot him with buckshot… would made a tasty meal,” said Jud.  “Oh well, maybe another flying hippo will land in Bowie.  I hope so.”

Well, if hippos do fly, they might want to bypass Dallas… head for Sedona, Arizona or Los Angeles.  They might survive a little longer.

MISSISSIPPI DELTA -  On the 20th anniversary of his death, Stevie Ray Vaughan was seen at the Crossroads.  He can still play that guitar!

At the famed Crossroad in the Mississippi Delta a local boy was shocked to see the legendary blues guitarist, Stevie Ray Vaughan, playing his heart out.  “He looked like a ghost, but his music sound so real. I’ve never heard a guitarist play like that.  Either he was alive or I was in heaven,” said fourteen-year-old, Caleb Wilson.

Old blues musician Tommy Johnson describe the Crossroads this way:

“If you want to learn how to make songs yourself, you take your guitar and your go to where the road crosses that way, where a crossroads is. Get there be sure to get there just a little ‘ fore 12 that night so you know you’ll be there. You have your guitar and be playing a piece there by yourself…A big black man will walk up there and take your guitar and he’ll tune it. And then he’ll play a piece and hand it back to you. That’s the way I learned to play anything I want.”

Well, Caleb Wilson didn’t see a big black man, but he did see Stevie Ray Vaughan who walked up to him, gave him his guitar and said, “Son, go out there and play.  Music is what will save this world.”  Vaughan then showed Caleb a few blues chords.  Before he disappeared into the Crossroads, Vaughan told Caleb, “son, you are here on this earth to help people, help your brothers, your sisters, your friends, your enemies.  That’s what life is about:  helping each other, not hurting each other. “  Then Vaughan was gone.

Today is the twentieth anniversary of the death of the singer and blues guitar legend.  The Grammy-winner died in a helicopter crash Aug. 27, 1990. He is buried in his hometown of Oak Cliff, Texas on the outskirts of Dallas.  Jeff Castro, an Oak Cliff resident who co-founded an annual tribute motorcycle ride and concert that commemorates Vaughan’s birthday (October 3) has long been lobbying for a memorial.

According  to the Dallas Morning News, Castro approached the city about a statue and fountain in Kiest Park, where Vaughan hung out as a kid.  But Castro was turned town because there are other plans for a permanent collection of Stevie Ray Vaughan memorabilia.

A street in Dallas was going to be renamed in honor of Stevie Ray Vaughan, but instead the city chose to name the street Riverfront.  Vaughan was always proud of being from Oak Cliff, said a Vaughan biographer Craig Hopkins.  “Ever after he went to Austin.”

Caleb Wilson is a fan now… and in a couple of years, you’re going to hear another guitar legend emerge from the Mississippi Delta.   And maybe one day, you’ll be lucky enough to catch Stevie at the Crossroads…

Here’s Stevie doing two Hendrix covers:

And here’s Stevie doing Texas Flood:

DALLAS, TX – Republican presidential nominee John McCain announced Monday he will suspend his campaign yet again in order to upgrade his cybernetic systems. Sources say he hopes to appear more passably human before the final debate.

McCain’s need for an upgrade comes as no surprise to many insiders.  During the Oct 7th debate his GPS systems were noticeably damaged, causing him to wander aimlessly for much of the evening.

Last month investigators discovered that John McCain had many of his internal organs replaced with cybernetic systems.  Doctors believe his extensive cybernetic infrastructure is the only thing giving him a one in four chance of survival for the next seven years.

Glitches in the Arizona senator’s operating system became most apparent in Dallas when he answered an economic question by engaging his loafer-jets and repeatedly flying headfirst into a wall.  After a quick reboot the senator apologized and went on to talk about tax cuts.

The McCain campaign hopes an upgrade before the Oct. 15th debates will help the senator, who has been behind in polls for weeks, appear more modern and life-like.  GOP cyborg specialist Dennis Fiorino said “Our candidate will receive the most up-to-date software for dealing with twenty-first century problems.  After his Vista upgrade, he will be the best equipped to lead our nation.”