LOS ANGELES, CA – Musician Chris Brown has posted a video on YouTube, declaring that he is not a monster.

The video has been released in preparation for his upcoming album:

Brown is referring to a well-covered incident from earlier this year, which he still denies.

Multiple eyewitness reports place Brown at a popular nightclub in Los Angeles the night of February 9.  He had been partying with friends for a few hours when, out on the dance floor, a fellow attendee bumped into him.

Dina Wilson, 24, stated, “This poor guy was just out there trying to get with a girl, when he stumbled and fell into Chris [Brown]. He said a quick apology and started to walk away when Chris yelled, ‘Don’t you know who I am?!”

As Brown continued to shout, witnesses report his face started to lengthen and his clothes ripping at the seams! Wilson continued, “One minute he was just a man, the next he was some kind of freak!”

Club goers fled the room as Brown began howling and throwing tables around. He was soon seen running on all fours out the back exit, completely covered in hair.

While Brown has not commented on the incident, a representative from the Cryptids & Humanoids Alliance Against Defamation has said, “While we cannot confirm Brown’s spec-ial category, we would like to verify that any members of the lupin or shape-changing family have a difficult time controlling their behavior under a full moon.

“Although it does not excuse Brown’s behavior, the extra effort that humanoids must make in order to fit into human society should be taken into consideration when judging us.”

The NALL, North American Lycanthrope League, continues to deny any ties to Brown, merely stating, “Unrestrained immaturity is not part of our mission statement.”

LOS ANGELES, CA – Lil’ Kim may be performing on “Dancing with the Stars” with a human, but insiders revealed that Kim spent weeks practicing with a mutant dancer!

“Dancing with the Stars” is a highly successful reality series, in which celebrities are paired with professional ballroom dancers to compete live on-air. Like most shows, DWTS has made twist choices to keep it fresh every season. Season 4 featured Heather Mills, a one-legged former model, and the current season was to feature singer Jewel and her husband Ty Murray, before she was forced to drop out due to injury.

This season’s injury bad luck did not stop with just the celebrities. Lil’ Kim, a famous female rapper, was originally paired up with Jackson Lee, a swing dancer champion with a special advantage: a tail! Lacey Schwimmer, a fellow dance contestant, explained, “Everyone was in awe of him. That tail was like a counter-balance, he could pull off moves I’ve never seen!”

Schwimmer showed Weekly World News reporters video of Lee balancing on one hand and lifting Kim above his head using only his tail!

Sadly, mere days before the show was to begin, Lee walked in on Steve Wozniak changing and his tail fell off from fright. Lee must spend months recooperating at home, waiting for his new tail to grow in.

The Cryptids & Humanoids Alliance Against Defamation stated, “While we were very pleased with ABC’s selection of a mutant to be on primetime, we are disappointed with the human replacement. It is well known Jim Morgan the three-legged cha-cha champion was available. His glaring omission seems intentional.”

BLUE MOUNTAINS, OR – After a spate of high-profile Twitter accounts were hacked, the world’s most famous cryptid became the next victim.

Weekly World News was able to screen-capture the fake update before it was deleted, which announced, “nessie is gay”.

A representative from Cryptids & Humanoids Alliance Against Defamation issued a statement on Bigfoot’s behalf this morning: “Bigfoot is embarrassed and infuriated at this identity theft. He wants to formally apologize to the Loch Ness Monster for any emotional distress this has caused, and reiterate that he has no opinion on the Monster’s sexuality.

“Bigfoot’s twitter followers know he would never write such a sophomoric attempt at humor. He asks that twitter find and prosecute this hacker to the fullest extent of the law.”

For Bigfoot’s usual twitter habits, read his last five updates:

ugh, avoiding stalkerazzi, never stop taking photos of me  9:47PM Jan 3rd, 2008 from web

ditched skunk ape cousin’s xmas dinner, total hillbilly!  7:03PM Dec 25th, 2008 from web

is it time for gossip girl yet?  5:38PM Dec 22nd, 2008 from web

burned myself trying to make a fire   10:02PM Dec 19th, 2008 from web

thinking about getting a cat, or a badger  11:17AM Dec 16th, 2008 from web

HOLLYWOOD, CA – In order to redeem her public image, Miley Cyrus has recorded a duet with Fatfoot for charity.

Miley Cyrus, daughter of singer Billy Ray Cyrus, shot to fame after her TV show “Hannah Montana” became one of the biggest hits in Disney Channel’s history. However, a recent Vanity Fair spread featuring Miley’s bare back caused her heavy criticism.

In order to reclaim her pop princess title, Miley has turned to good deeds. Last week she set out bait of apple cores and Funyuns in a dumpster behind her recording studio. Not 30 minutes later, Fatfoot, the overweight Sasquatch, burst through the nearby trees to claim the food. But Fatfoot got an even better prize of being asked to join Miley in recording a duet!

He was thrilled to join in, but only after finishing the Funyuns.

All of the proceeds will go to a campaign for promoting healthy eating habits to children. The two divas sang a modified version of Miley’s song “Wake Up America”, with Billy Ray on acoustic guitar. Billy Ray was so moved that his weeping can be slightly heard in the recording.

A representative from Cryptids & Humanoids Alliance Against Defamation stated, “We are thrilled that Miley has featured a cryptid in one of her songs, and exposed the truth that humans aren’t the only ones with dietary issues. Little humanoids need to be just as concerned as human children about growing up strong and healthy! Fatfoot is a sad example of how it can all go wrong.”

Miley Cyrus’ record label provided Weekly World News with a small excerpt of the new song. Keep an eye out for the music video debuting later this month, only on the Disney Channel!

“Wake Up America”

Wake up America
We’re all in this together it’s our
Children so let’s take care of them
You know that you want to, you know that you got to
Wake up America
Tomorrow becomes the new day
And everything you do matters
Yeah everything you do matters in some way!

LOS ANGELES, CA – ABC has fired Bigfoot from the TV show “Grey’s Anatomy” as an act of minimizing on-air interspecial relationships.

At the beginning of the season, the Cryptids & Humanoids Alliance Against Defamation was applauding the show for showing an interspecial relationship in a positive and realistic way. CHAAD’s yeti president, Longtooth, said, “It was like a breath of fresh air, especially after that awful lizard man fetishist storyline on ‘Law & Order’ last year.”

However, CHAAD has quickly turned against “Grey’s Anatomy” after it was announced last week that Bigfoot would be getting the boot. ABC representatives issued this statement: “Bigfoot was obviously not fired for being in a relationship with a human. Unfortunately, we did not find that the magic and chemistry with Bigfoot’s character would sustain in the long run.”

CHAAD was not the only one left furious. On a recent appearance on the Ellen DeGeneres Show, co-star Patrick Dempsey explained through gritted teeth, ““I think his story line has come to an end. Thursday night is his last show, which is too bad, he has been a great character, and I don’t know what happened with that story line. They decided not to continue it for some reason.”

It was rumored that Bigfoot’s relationship would soon lead to a walk down the aisle, leaving the show to deal with the very controversial topic of different-species marriage. But it looks like we’ll never know.