NEW ORLEANS, LA – After an altercation with police Monday night, the half-man half-alligator mutant Manigator has been banned from Tuesday’s Mardi Gras celebrations.

NEW YORK, NY – Sports Illustrated’s annual Swimsuit Issue hit the stands recently, and one of the photographs revealed more than anyone expected.

NEW YORK, NY – Merrill Lynch’s CEO John Thain is leaving the firm, amid furor over his purchase of a yeti skin rug with company funds.

BLUE MOUNTAINS, OR – After a spate of high-profile Twitter accounts were hacked, the world’s most famous cryptid became the next victim.

BURLINGTON, VT – Over the holidays, Matt Dillon was arrested for driving 106mph in rural Vermont. His reason for doing so: “Manigator made me do it.”

CHICAGO, IL – President-Elect Obama’s Transition team announced today that the First Family to be has made a very important decision.

KEY LARGO, FL – Manigator flees arrest at a McCain rally where he bit a man he claimed was “Un-American.”