I finally figured out the whole point of that long stupid meeting the Teleprompter Kid had about health care!

It was nothing to do with getting them all to agree on how to turn hospitals into DMVs.

Nope, their plan was to bore half the country to death and give the other half heart attacks, so we’d all be dead anyhow and wouldn’t need doctors!

Boy, that Communist in Chief sure is touchy. A few times, I’m pretty sure I saw the computer parts in his head blowing a fuse!

The CIA must be kicking themselves for not buying better parts to build their Obama robot – where did they get them from? Toyota?

Yeah, I told you for years those Japs would get their revenge on us for nuking them, and it is finally happening. Those clever Japs have been putting crappy parts in those dinky cars they send us, so we’ll all die and they can take over America!

Toyota is working with Obama to kill us all! It’s all over the TV, people! How much more proof do you want?

Only your old pal Ed Anger has the guts to tell you what’s really happening to our once great nation!

I’ve been waiting for the government to come for me for fifty damn years, but I guess they don’t have the guts! I’ve got it all worked out: when the black helicopters land on my front yard, I just have to roll my oxygen tank down the driveway, then shoot it up with my handy double barrelled Mossberg!

Ka-boom!!

Old Ed doesn’t need any fancy private planes to get back at the Feds. No sir: give me a good old American shotgun – and let the bastards come to me!

I’m madder than a zombie with a hole in his skull!

Everyone keeps saying how Obama is smarter than Bush, but you can’t convince me.

Now the Teleprompter Kid is saying we’ve got zombies in the military! I’ve heard of “Don’t ask, don’t tell” but this is more like “Don’t ask, don’t tell, don’t eat another guy’s brains”!

The other day at that Prayer Breakfast, Obama kept talking about Army “corpsmen,” except he kept calling them “corpse-men.”

That’s how he let is slip that the United States of America has a secret zombie army!

Now it can be told: a rogue CIA splinter group built up a crack unit of undead soldiers to keep order when we all finally revolt against the Communist in Chief.

That George Romero movie guy always said his “Night of the Living Dead” picture was really about how much he hated the Vietnam War. So that’s how they got him to work on this whole project, being a traitor and all.

Yeah, Romero says all the zombies in that picture were locals from Pittsburgh, but anybody’s who’s been to Pittsburgh and lived to tell the tale knows the locals are way less lively than that!

Why do you think we’re hearing all this stuff about Haiti lately? They use voodoo to raise the dead, right? So that “earthquake” was really the CIA setting off explosions to trigger the zombie uprising.

So when you hear about how many dead people there are in Haiti, stop and ask yourself: how long until some witch doctor brings ‘em back to life?

Ha! Let’s see Pat Robertson pull THAT off!

Now I gotta go stock up on wooden stakes and silver bullets and all that other crap!

Want a little more Anger? Check out Ed’s own site at EdAnger360.com

That Judge Alito guy is my new hero!

When the Teleprompter Kid was blabbing away at that State of the Union and telling all kinds of whoppers, Alito mumbled, “Not true.”

At first I thought: “They put that OJ Simpson judge on the Supreme Court?” But this Alito guy isn’t Chinese or whatever. Even so, he’s pretty smart!

Which is good because some of those other judges are lousy. Look at that Sotomayor: they let a Mexican on the Supreme Court, which is bad enough. But they didn’t even make her climb over a fence and running through two miles of sand! Plus I hear they’re paying her more than five bucks an hour!

Then there’s that little shriveled midget lady who always falls asleep! If that’s what they wanted on the Supreme Court, they should’ve just hired my mother in law. She’s seen enough of those judge shows on TV that she’d do just as good a job.

Both those women should go back to the kitchen and make sandwiches, and leave the real judging to the men, like Alito!

The thing is: I read about all this on the computer machine after it happened. I can’t actually watch that State of the Union thing because I’ll use up all my blood pressure pills in one night.

I also can’t afford a new TV in case I throw a beer bottle at the screen!

Just the sight of that Communist-in-Chief up there, lying away – I’m an old guy and can’t take it. If I survive the next three years, it’ll be a miracle – and I’m not even a Catholic, dammit!

So I hear a bunch of A-rabs are tearing down another statue of some guy named “Hussein”!

No, not in I-raq this time! I mean those A-rabs in that Indianeezy country Obama used to live in when he was a kid – they built a statue of the guy, and they already want to pull it down!

Finally: Americans and A-rabs feel the same way about something!

These foreigners say Obama hasn’t done enough for their crappy country since he got elected. Sounds familiar!

Speaking of crappy: one of the A-rabs said, “We could say Obama only ate and s***” here” before he took off for the U. S. of A. I better not say anything about that!

We really need to jump on this right away. A-rabs and Americans don’t see eye to eye about anything – mostly because those rags on their heads are always slipping down.

So let’s say to them, “Hey, we know just how you feel about Obama being a total loser! While we’re at it, can we finally work out that whole ‘oil and Jews and blowing up stuff’ thing?”

After all the time Jimmy Carter wasted trying to get these A-rabs’ minds right, turns out all it took was a crappier President than him to get elected and piss us all off together!

And here I thought they gave the Communist-in-Chief that Peace Prize way too soon.

They might even find Obama’s lost birth certificate under that statue when they pull it down!

What are we waiting for, my fellow Americans? I say we forget about that Haiti hellhole and start sending rope and backhoes over to Indianeezy right now!

Right about now, Ted Kennedy’s in hell, and he’s madder than Michael J. Fox playing freeze tag!

That Scott Brown guys won Teddy’s old seat last night – although I don’t know why you’d want to win a hundred pounds of pasty white flab!

That stupid commie pinko woman lost, and lost big! Maybe the people in that loony left state are finally thinking straight after all these years.

I guess they couldn’t get enough dead Democrats out to the polls last night! They should’ve got some Haitian refugees to do their zombie voodoo and bring ‘em back to life!

Mrs. Anger’s happy as a clam, because she says now she’ll get to see Scott Brown on TV for the next couple of years. She might start letting me watch the news again instead of changing the channel to “Judge Judy”!

I hear that Barney Frank guy is happy for the same reason – but he’s trying to keep that a secret.

Me, I’m just glad to see the country turning around and getting its mind right.

This is the first step to getting rid of the Communist-in-Chief and the Hair Club for Men Vice-President! We’re gonna have Tea Parties from sea to sea, dumping Lipton’s into the oceans if we have to – and to hell with those greenie tofu-munching hippies if they think that’s “pollution”!

Scott Brown is the only thing standing in the way of the Teleprompter Kid’s master plan to communize these United States of America!

Look out, Washington! Scott Brown is driving down there in his Government Motors truck, and he’s about to kick all your butts to Kingdom Come!

Want a little more Anger? Check out Ed’s own site at EdAnger360.com

I’m madder than a tranny who’s run out of duct tape!

So now the Communist-in-Chief hires some sex change guy to work for him.

S/he used to be a “he” – and was a test pilot, too! Which means even now, s/he’s got more balls than Obama!

“S/he’s also more ladylike looking than the First Lady or that Janet Nincompoopatano or Nancy Fallopi, that’s for sure!

I saw some pretty lousy looking she-males back in Korea, and I gotta say: this new one at least can pass!

From what I can make out, at least “her” resume is better than some of the losers who work for the Teleprompter Kid. S/he was even voted the 2004 YWCA’s “Woman On The Move” – hell, I’ll say!

And it looks like s/he at least pays her taxes, stays out of jail, doesn’t fight with cops, love Chairman Mao or thinks George Bush blew up the World Trade Center. At this point, s/he might be the best person Obama’s hired all year!

S/he’s scared people will think s/he got hired just because s/he’s a whatever-it-is, because one of those afirmbuttive action rules. “It sucks to be first,” s/he told one reporter.

Anything I say about that’ll get me in even more trouble!

Speaking of all this stuff: now that guy who said Abe Lincoln was a pansy admits he just made it up, to “raise awareness”. Well, it sure raised awareness about how many crazy troublemaking fruitcakes we’ve got running around, that’s for damn sure!

Want a little more Anger? Check out Ed’s own site at EdAnger360.com

I blame George W. Bush for all these A-rab terrorist attacks – because he’s not here!

That’s right: these crazy A-rabs are attacking America again because Bush ISN’T in the White House!

How can Bush do what he did for eight whole years – keeping the U.S. of A. safe and sound – when he’s goofing off in Texas someplace, wading through hate mail between naps?

Can’t we just let him VISIT once in a while? Maybe he can give the Teleprompter Kid a few tips?

Oh, I forgot: Bush is a moron and Obama is a genius!

Obama must be pretty smart, because he’s got himself a nice safe job that lets him go golfing and surfing and riding magical unicorns in Hawaii over Christmas. Meanwhile, all those poor peaceful sons of A-rab millionaires are forced to spend their holidays trying to blow up airplanes with flaming jockey shorts or something.

That just shows you the big inequalities in our world that the Communist-in-Chief has promised to get rid of!

And he’s trying, too. He wants to make everybody equal. So now we all get to equally get treated crappy at the airport, even though our name isn’t Mohammed and we’ve got passports and our dad’s didn’t call the cops on us.

Clinton tried to wreck America with HIS burning underwear, but Obama doesn’t need that. He’s ruining the country without even trying!

I don’t understand why the A-rabs don’t just make their own airline and let us fly on ours. They’ve got the money to do it. Then we could fly without having to walk around barefoot through x-ray machines, and they could put their goats in the carry on, and their wives in the cargo hold, and we’d all be happy!

I’m madder than Santa on a treadmill! You can have a Merry Christmas if you want to, but I’m miserable!

America is going down the toilet faster than that third slab of pumpkin pie you just shoved down your throat!

The Communist-in-Chief and the Hair Club Vice President are making us turn communist if we ever want to get a hip replacement.

The Teleprompter Kid was pushing all those Washington crooks to pass that lousy law before Christmas. He was in a big hurry to go on holiday in Hawaii — where he SAYS he was born and that I don’t believe is really a state anyhow.

Which is one way we might be able to get rid of Obama. We need to stop asking for his birth certificate and start saying Hawaii isn’t legally a state, which means that even if he WAS born there, he still couldn’t be President!

(Not that I think Obama was really born in Hawaii anyhow. Everyone knows he was REALLY born in one of those African countries where the kids all have flies crawling all over them. Which reminds me: we’ve given those countries billions of dollars but they still can afford to buy that “OFF!” stuff? What’s all that about?)

Then again, it’s too late to get rid of Obama. The Communist-in-Chief has just officially wrecked these once great United States of America forever.

In the good old days, sick people had the good sense to just up and die. Now everybody wants to live forever AND do it for free! “Free” meaning I have to cough up the cash to pay THEIR doctor bills, on top of paying my own.

So you can stuff your face with turkey and shop for cheap Chinese crap all you want to. Your old friend Ed Anger is flying the red, white and blue at half staff to morn the death of the U. S. of A!

If those Norway guys can get so fed up with the Communist-in-Chief that they replace him with a cardboard cutout… I don’t see why we can’t just kick out the Teleprompter Kid and make Tiger Woods president instead.

Here me out: first, they kind of look alike, so nobody would notice.

Also, with Tiger Woods, we already know he’s a creep, so we don’t have any of those Bill Clinton surprises. This saves lots of time and money on investigations and whatnot. Comedians and talk show guys could just recycle all their old Clinton jokes. The t-shirt and bumpersticker industry would really take off, and that would help the economy.

Of course, we’ll have to hire extra Secret Service to protect Tiger from his wife and her golf club, but that’ll work out to peanuts. And instead of a Vice President, he could just have a caddy.

Plus Tiger Woods is gonna need a job now that all his fancy sponsor are gonna bail on them. He’ll still get to live in a big fancy house, with the added bonus that now someone else will be able to drive him around.

He can still practice golf in the Rose Garden, too.

Tiger Woods isn’t qualified to be President or win a Nobel Prize, but then again, neither is Obama. How hard can it be to read a Teleprompter? And I bet Tiger Woods has a real birth certificate and everything. And he wins prizes for doing real things!

Meanwhile Obama can go back to getting old terrorists to write his books and giving “Chinese food” speeches – you know, the ones you can’t remember an hour later?

Who’s with me, America? Could making Tiger Woods President possibly make things worse? And if that doesn’t work, we can always get O.J.!

So it turns out the Secret Service let two uninvited crazies with A-rab names into a White House party! And nobody even knew until the dingbats put pictures of themselves up on the computer machine.

But I can’t blame the bodyguards. How can they tell those crazies and crooks from all the INVITED crazies and crooks – like everybody who works for the Teleprompter Kid? I saw some weird looking guy in a turban, too. Who the hell let him in?

Hell, Obama himself is a big phony in a fancy suit with an A-rab name who isn’t qualified to be in the White House, either. So you can’t blame the bodyguards for being mixed up about who belongs there!

I hear the two A-rabs went to the White House because they wanted to get on TV –just like the Communist-in-Chief.

(Hell, I’m surprised the two of them didn’t land in the Rose Garden in a giant balloon – it sure worked for that other nutcase with the puking kid.)

Don’t they know that all they have to do to get into the White House is to get an old hippie terrorist to write them a couple of books, then give a fancy speech? Hell, after that, they could be LIVING in the White House in a year or two, just like O-Bow-Ma!

We shouldn’t worry too much about security, though. I hear Biden’s hair plugs are made from bulletproof titanium Kevlar. And Obama’s friends had already stolen all the pointy silverware.

Anyway, I hope you all feel better now! American is obviously safe and secure with Obama on the job!