When Christopher Columbus crossed the Atlantic Ocean 517 years ago, he used a map of the New World that could only have been prepared by aliens!

“The original map that Columbus used in 1492 has long since disappeared but a copy of it that was made in 1513 still survives and has intrigued historians and cartographers since its discovery in Istanbul 80 years ago,” declares Turkish researcher Mehmet Ali Yilmaz.

“It’s an incredibly detailed chart,” he continues, “showing many important geographic landmarks which hadn’t even been discovered in 1513 – like the Andes Mountains, the course of the Amazon River and Antarctica. It shows the southern tip of Florida, portions of Mexico and all of the Caribbean islands, Central America and South America.

“But the most incredible thing about this chart is that mathematical analysis shows it is an aerial view of the southern hemisphere taken from many miles above Earth, clearly showing the curvature and proving the world wasn’t flat.

“This copy of the Columbus map was found in 1929 by a museum official in Istanbul,” the researcher adds.

“It was painted on parchment by a 16th century Turkish admiral and mapmaker, Piri Re’is.

“In a note in the margin, Piri Re’is stated that he had consulted ‘about 20′ charts in compiling his map – including one which Columbus had taken with him on his 1492 voyage.”

After years of being ignored by professional geographers, it was an American college professor, Charles Hapgood, who finally recognized the significance of the Piri Re’is chart in the early 1960s.

“After analyzing it mathematically,” Ali Yilmaz says, “Hapgood determined it could only be an aerial view whose projection point was miles above the meridian of the Egyptian city of Alexandria, the site of an ancient library.

“And when he uncovered similar ancient maps, Professor Hapgood concluded that the original maps were made by space travelers and were then copied by scholars at the centuries-old library.”

But how did one of the maps fall into Columbus’ hands?

“Where he got it isn’t important,” the researcher says. “It’s where the map got him.”

WASILLA, AK – Representatives from the McCain Campaign have confirmed that Vice Presidential candidate, Governor Sarah Palin, will spend the Columbus Day holiday on a witch hunt.

Accompanied by her spiritual advisor, Pastor Muthee, Palin will canvass her hometown of Wasilla for witches.  Muthee is famous for reducing crime in Kenya by ridding towns of the witches following the teachings of Satan.

Palin and Muthee believe that Wasilla, given the unflattering nickname “The Meth Capitol of Alaska,” is a prime target for a witch hunt.

“There has been a lot of talk lately about patriotism.  Nothing is less patriotic than Satan,” the Governor’s husband Todd told reporters outside of Speedy Donuts after a recent campaign stop in suburban Ohio.

“On Columbus Day, Sarah is going to do her patriotic duty of hunting down the witches that are defiling Wasilla with their vile practices.  What better way to spend America’s birthday than on a good old fashioned, Salem-style witch hunt?”

Responding to a question on if she thought killing witches was her patriotic duty, Governor Palin said, “Doggonit, you betcha!”

Asked if she believed Columbus Day, rather than Independence Day, marked America’s birthday, the Governor replied, “In what way, Charlie?”