LAFAYETTE, CO – Hundreds of people have spotted the UFO hovering over Colorado!

There was a strange triangular formation of lights hovering above this Colorado town for the last few weeks. Local authorities have tried to dismiss the unidentified lights as a satellite, but John Malley, the chief expert on the U.N. Panel on Extraterrestrials has confirmed that the UFO is an alien spaceship from Planet Zeeba.

“The lights over Lafayette belong to three Zeeban spaceships. They are part of the ongoing alien invasion that started in October, 2010 and will continue until December 2015.”

Leroy van der Vegt and his son Nick captured the spaceships on video (below).

“It was completely quiet. No noise at all,” van der Vegt said.

The  red lights did not blink but were in a triangular shape as they hovered in the sky.

Van der Vegt doesn’t believe authorities when they say the lights are a satellite.   “I believe Dr. Malley of the U.N.  Those lights were definitely not a satellite, helicopter or an airplane.  They are UFOs.”

Lester Valdez and all of his neighbors saw the Zeeban spacecrafts.

“I have never witnessed anything like that,” said Valdez.

He said they looked like tiny, bright alien ships from “Close Encounters of the Third Kind.”

“It was exactly something like that where you see an object and they all got into a pattern and they stood in a pattern, and they all moved in a direction and then they pretty much dropped and that was it,” Valdez said.

Grant Gazvoda and two friends sat in front of a Lafayette convenience store talking about the lights. Gazvoda said he saw them Monday night as he and friends were out stargazing.

“When it flew over, there was a really weird energy. Almost like a hyper need to move. My mind started racing. My body started shaking,” Gazvoda said. ” I freaked out at that point.”

Some residents said the spaceships got close off that they could see into the spaceship.  “I saw two blue aliens in the cockpit of the spaceship,” said Dorothy Miller.  “I ain’t no nut case.  I saw what I saw.  There were blue aliens in those spaceships!”

WWN called the Federal Aviation Administration and the Obama Administration for comment.  But all they said was, “We love WWN, but you guys are wrong on this one.  It’s just a satellite.”

Dr. Malley took exception to their comment.  “The U.S. government, and all governments around the world, are covering up the alien invasion.  Citizens of earth must band together and prepare… or die.”

Here’s the videos captured by witnesses:

DENVER  – Citizens of Denver rejected a proposition to track space aliens.

Denver residents voted down a plan to officially track space aliens living in their city.  In addition, they voted to have the aliens deported from the city.

The proposal defeated soundly Tuesday night would have established a commission to track extraterrestrials living amongst the citizens of Denver. It also would have allowed residents to post their observations on Denver’s city Web page and report sightings.

Denver residents overwhelmingly voted down the proposal of setting up a panel.   But they overwhelmingly supported a plan to have the Denver Police round-up the aliens and send them packing… back to Arizona.

The Denver man who proposed the original measure, Jeff Peckman, says the government is tracking alien sightings but refuses to make the reports public. Peckman is a meditation instructor and promoter of new technology, including something he says reduces the “chaos of electromagnetic fields.”

Aliens were not happy about the vote and attacked a number of downtown Denver buildings last night with powerful bolts of light – shooting from UFOs that hovered above the city.  “It was crazy, man.  As soon as the vote was certified last night, I saw several UFOs fly over head and start shooting at us.  We all ran for cover in the basement of our building,” said Alison Benwan, 27.

The Purple spaceships were also seen hovering over Denver this morning.  “I got up to go to work and there were, like twenty, UFOs over our bus.  It was freaky man. They were just hovering…. I was scared,” said Thomas Baily, 35.

The U.N. recently formed a panel to study extraterrestrials, so it is odd that Denver would turn down a similar proposal. “There are aliens living amongst us and we must learn more about them so we can learn to live WITH them,” Peckman said.  “I’m afraid now.  We are now going to attack them – force them to leave Denver.  It’s going to be a bloody battle and humans are not going to win.”

Peckman said that he would rather be deported with the aliens than stay in Denver.

Be careful out there, Denver…. you have awakened the sleeping aliens!

DENVER, CO – Mark Obmascik created a fake UFO video with his kids to pass the time, and ended up fooling UFO enthusiasts!Obmascik was stuck with the usual parents’ conundrum: how to keep your children busy during summer vacation. So he took up a cheap video camera and a $5 circular LED light, and filmed a fake UFO video with them.

Pleased with the result, the kids innocently posted it on YouTube. Unbeknownst to them, the video took off, and within a day, was being posted on sites like the Paranormal Network!

Check out the video below:

Obmascik has since written an interesting piece on what his children learned from the experience.

NEW YORK, NY – Fox News commentator Glenn Beck is taking time out from his various news shows to do comedy.

For six weeks in Denver, Glenn Beck will mix observational humor with political opinion, all with this trademark soothsaying of Armageddon and emotional instability.

Beck, who has no history with comedy whatsoever, describes his coming performances as a mix of Thomas Paine’s Common Sense with “a poor man’s Seinfeld.”

A publicity clip of Beck trying out his material in a New York nightclub includes the following excerpt.

“Did you ever notice how the Obama administration is steering us directly towards the coming apocalypse? [Some laughter] I said, did you ever notice?!  I’m asking you a question, people!  The end of times are neigh and we’re being walked right to it by a secret Muslim who has never said he’s NOT the Antichrist, and you don’t even care!! [Audible sobbing] But I care.  I care for my country… So.  Much.  (Loud sigh) I just love my country too much.”

During the four-minute clip, Beck cries 3 times and throws a chair at someone towards the end.  He will be opening at Chuckleheads in Denver on June 1st.

UPDATE: Death-ray-wielding open source software supporters are expected to crash the MacWorld convention in San Francisco.

Apple Enthusiasts are sporting their armored Powerbooks and reflective laptop bags at the MacWorld expo this week.

After Apple tried to stop the spread of an application that gives regular iPhones death ray capability, supporters are expected to retaliate by attending the popular Apple convention.

Specialized Apple gear, like an iPod equipped gas mask or the iLive full body armor with wifi, is will be available at the convention.  Apple’s executives will attend the convention via telecom from the iFallout Shelter.

December 31, 2008

BOULDER, CO – Dr. Michael Heinous of Colorado State University has developed a death ray application for the iPhone.

“This is monumental day for both death ray technology and open source software” said Dr. Heinous.

The application, when downloaded, equips any regular iPhone or iPod touch with death ray capabilities.

Apple is attempting to legally block the death rays distribution after 2 million people downloaded it over the Christmas holiday.

Steve Jobs took time from constructing an android body that will let his consciousness live forever to issue a statement: “Apple does not approve of this application.  Death ray technology and open source software are dangerous when released to the general public and are not in keeping with our corporate policy.”

Dr. Heinous works at Colorado State University in their Evil Science department.  “Hopefully this application will help me topple the world governments and rise to power.  Or at least get me tenure.”

DENVER, Colo. — Playboy Kurt Fulson has never made a proposal on his knee. “Though I have, in fact, just received one there,” the billionaire told Weekly World News.

Fulson, who took a nasty spill while snowboarding on Aspen Mountain, discovered a phone number stitched into his left leg after reconstructive surgery. “I saw the name ‘Sandy’ sutured right next to the number,” Fulson added. ‘Sandy’ turned out to be Dr. Sandra Nemington, head of the surgical team responsible for rebuilding Fulson’s ligaments.

 “I saw him when he arrived for prep and couldn’t resist leaving my info,” Dr. Nemington said. “I imagine he gets a lot of numbers and I didn’t want him to overlook mine.” Nemington insisted that the digits, artfully stitched, won’t become part of Fulson’s permanent scar in case things don’t work out.

Will love bloom a patella? Fulson remained guarded during a set of leg exercises with his physical therapist, Natasha. “I can’t make any promises,” he said with a wink, “though so far, Sandy has made me a bit wobbly in the knees.”