NEW YORK, NY – Chelsea Clinton is running for Congress in 2012 – as a Republican!

Clinton has hired key political advisers to make a run for Congress next year.  Her father, former President Bill Clinton, offered his services, but Chelsea declined.  Reports are that she told her father that she told him she was a Republican.

Chelsea Clinton, 31, is the only child of former U.S. President Bill Clinton and U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton.

Sources say that Chelsea has been a closet Republican for years and is a strong supporter of Herman Cain for President.  Her father, and mother Hillary, were shocked (and disgusted) to learn that their daughter was a member  of the GOP.   “We thought we raised her right, we thought we knew her,” Hillary Clinton reportedly said.

Chelsea, who currently resides with her husband, Marc Mezvinsky in Westchester county will run in New York’s 18th District . The 18th encompasses much of Westchester County, just south of where her parents have maintained a home for the past 12 years.

The 18th District is solidly Democratic. Barack Obama won the district in 2008 by 62% to 38%, John Kerry won in 2004 by 58% to 42%. Al Gore won the district 58% to 39%.  But Chelsea believes she can turn it from blue to red – in short order.

Political insiders say that Chelsea Clinton is an “automatic win” for Republicans in 2012.  The house seat from the New York 18th District is currently held by U.S. Representative Nita M. Lowey (D-NY). She will be 74 next year and is retiring from Congress in 2012.  Chelsea campaign manager, Karl Rove, told WWN that he believes Chelsea will get 70-80% of the vote.

Will Hillary and Bill campaign against their daughter?  Reports are that Bill Clinton has said that he would never support any Republican – including his daughter.  “I know how to defeat her, she’s my daughter,” the President reportedly told Pravda.

Chelsea ;sin-laws, Marc Mezvinsky’s parents both served in Congress. Edward Mezvinsky was a Democratic Congressman from Iowa. Marjorie Margolies-Mezvinsky was a Democratic Congresswoman from Pennsylvania.  They are both reportedly “devastated” that their daughter-in-law is running as a Republican, but they are supporting her anyway.  “We want her to be happy.”

UPDATE: Obatma rejoices over Clinton’s nomination for Secretary of State position: the Bureau of Mutant Affairs is his!

Insiders are confirming that President-Elect Barack Obama will be nominating Hillary Clinton after Thanksgiving following days of negotiation. Obatma will now be free to claim the new Commissioner of the Bureau of Mutant Affairs.

The Mutants for Clinton organization has begrudgingly announced that they will switch their support to Obatma.

November 18, 2008
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Hillary Clinton is speaking out on the Cabinet position she wants, and Obatma is not going to like it.

Despite news that President-Elect Barack Obama is considering Hillary Clinton for Secretary of State, Clinton has now publicly declared her wishes.

At an “impromptu” press conference, Hillary was surrounded by mutant Americans as she stated, “I am most interested in heading up the new Bureau of Mutant Affairs!”

“I for one know what it’s like to be persecuted for being a minority,” she explained while crying softly. “It was very difficult running to be the first female presidential nominee. But if I could get through that, I can certainly help these mutants break through their own glass ceiling!”

Obama aides are saying he has taken this as a personal affront on his family, as it was well known that Obatma was to be the first Commissioner of the Bureau of Mutant Affairs. Many Americans feel that Obama owes Clinton a position in his cabinet after bumping her out of the primaries, so he may bring unwanted scorn if he turns her down.

A female mutant at the rally also felt conflicted. “Who should I support more? The first female Commissioner or the first mutant Commissioner? I really just don’t know.”

Insiders are not expecting Clinton to challenge Obatma to a debate, as it could be viewed as malicious due to his inability to speak any human language.

BREAKING NEWS! Senator McCain has asked for the Friday debate to be delayed so he may “focus on the economy”. But insiders tell Weekly World News it’s just a cover-up to hide his secret leg-lengthening surgery!

“I won’t be dwarfed by a Democrat!”, candidate declares.

Republican presidential hopeful John McCain has issued a tall order to his medical staff — he wants to add 5 inches to his height so he won’t look like a shrimp in the debates beside his Democratic rival, Barak Obama.

McCain, who stands 5 feet 7 inches, is painfully aware how puny 5-foot-6-inch Michael Dukakis appeared during debates with 6-foot-2-inch George H.W. Bush during the 1988 campaign.

“Dukakis lost that election because he was shorter than Bush,” McCain told an aide. “I don’t want the same thing to happen to me when I have to go face-to-face with Obama.”

Barak Obama stands an impressive 6 feet 1½ inches tall, and McCain feels if he can get to 6 feet, he’ll be able to nullify the height advantage.

McCain has arranged to undergo a pioneering operation, in which the patient is stretched on a special bed for three hours a day while his bones are injected with calcium. The procedure induces a growth spurt like the one many people experience during adolescence.

“McCain is extremely fearful that basketball-loving Obama will challenge him to a game of one-on-one,” says a campaign worker. “With their present height differential, McCain would get his head handed to him. It might be enough to tip the balance in Obama’s favor in a close race.”