PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA – State media declared last night that Kim Jong II is dead… killed by the hands of Chuck Norris.

WASHINGTON – Federal authorities have confirmed that Chuck Norris, working with Libyan rebels, has killed Muammar Gaddafi!

WASHINGTON – Federal authorities have confirmed that Chuck Norris, working with the CIA, was the man killed Osama Bin Laden!

I’m madder than Al Sharpton with a busted bullhorn! I’ve heard about that affirmative action stuff but this is crazy!