LOS ANGELES – Rumors of Ashton Kutcher cheating on Demi are true. He’s with Betty White now.

LOS ANGELES – Achy Breaky Heart! Tish Cyrus is having an affair with Bret Michaels!

CHICAGO – Every state is reporting massive voter fraud in today’s midterm elections.

NEW YORK, NY – There might be trouble in paradise for the Beckhams!

I’m madder than a schoolteacher with a rotten apple over the big hubbub about kids cheating in school. A government study that just came out says 70 percent – seven of 10 – high school students fessed up that they cheat on tests. Thank heavens, I say!