BURLINGTON, VT – Over the holidays, Matt Dillon was arrested for driving 106mph in rural Vermont.  His reason for doing so: “Manigator made me do it.”

According to police reports Matt Dillon claims that he met Manigator in a dive in New York City and the two hit it off.  After several hours, Dillon agreed to give the half-man half-alligator a ride.

Shortly after beginning their trip, Manigator began taunting Dillon for the way he drove, encouraging to him to go faster and faster.

“Partly I wanted to shut him up, but mostly I just wanted to get to Maine faster so I could drop him off and be rid of him.”

As soon as the police arrived, according to Dillon, Manigator began to panic and leapt out the window before the car had even come to a complete stop.  Police did not see the cryptid, only the dozens of cheep beer cans he left scattered in the floorboard.  Dillon said “Come on, I don’t drink that crap!  I’m Matt Dillon!”

He then began to shout about a half-man half-alligator with a drinking problem, so police brought him in for questioning and several drug tests.

Dillon is currently being charged with excessive speeding and authorities are on the lookout for Manigator.  No one is sure why he may be going to Maine, but all nursing homes in the state have been placed on high alert.

NEW YORK, NY – To welcome in the new year, Weekly World News flew in some of the years biggest shakers and news makers for a holiday party.

Mutants, cryptids, and journalists toasted the new year at a party held in the WWN Headquarters in downtown Manhattan.

When asked what their New Year’s resolutions would be, here are some of your favorite celebrities answers:

PhD Ape, three martinis in, wrote a mini dissertation on a cocktail napkin in calligraphy.  In summation, he hopes to continue to make a positive contribution to people in need and learn to be a good father.  Also he wants to take a pottery class.

Bat Boy, who was given sodas and pixie sticks all night, drew on construction paper pictures of himself and Obatma playing together on the White House lawn.

Manigator, drinking cans of cheap beer and what appeared to be moonshine out of a coffee can, wrote down on a used napkin, “This year it’s gonna be difrent when they get into (illegible) They don’t know who they’re dealin with (stained section) that’s just crazy they’d charge me for-”

That was as far as he got before the writing trailed off and he passed out in the bathroom.

Fatfoot said through his wildlife worker/interpreter that he wanted to stop using food to deal with his feelings, start leading a more active lifestyle, and most importantly learn to love himself so others can love him to.  For the last night of the year, he allowed himself to splurge on 7-11 Big Gulps and a tray of pigs-in-a-blanket.

NEW YORK, NY – Macy’s 150th annual Thanksgiving Day Parade drew thousands to New York City yesterday including one unwelcome guest, Manigator.

As members of the Betty Page High School marching band of Amarillo, Texas passed by 58th street, the trumpet section was accosted by a half-man half-alligator coming out of a sewer drain.  At 9:13 am Manigator was clearly drunk, and screaming about the noise upsetting his headache. 

The parade was stalled for seven minutes while police corralled the drunken mutant back into a storm drain. 

Later in the morning the world famous Rockettes took to the main stage on 34th street in preparation for their live televised performance.  Shortly after beginning their signature kickline, Manigator appeared seemingly from nowhere disrupting the routine. 

Spilling a can of cheap beer and slurring his speech, Manigator made passes at several of the “Pretty Ladies!” who scattered from the inebriated mutant.  Cameras deftly avoided the fiasco, filming only the performers who were able to continue the routine.  Eventually one of the disgruntled dancers, angry at losing her face time on nation television, high kicked the lurid hybrid back to the sewer, receiving much applause from the crowd.

No injuries were reported from the incident.  Manigator is wanted by police for disturbing the peace and attempted voter fraud in south Florida.