Men across the country are now getting The Charlie Sheen Tattoo.  And… they’re winning!

Andrew Ottenhof of Santa Rosa, California felt it was important to express how fortunate he feels to be “winning”  the genetic  lottery, having been born with Tigerblood and Adonis DNA.

Men across the U.S.A. have joined Sheen’s Korner Kult. They all plan on getting tattoos and going to New York City to see Charlie Sheen live at Radio City Music Hall.

When the men get their tattoos, their blood is immediately taken to a lab for testing.  If it is confirmed that they have Tiger Blood, then they are officially in Sheen’s Korner Kult.

Tattoo parlors in California, New York, Chicago and Miami have all reported a waiting list of men (and now some women) wanting the Sheen Tattoo.

PANAMA CITY, FL – Tiger Woods finalized his divorce , then bought this $30 million dollar bikini.  Who’s the lucky girl?

Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren officially divorced yesterday in Panama City, Fla., nine months after his middle-of-the night car crash and the subsequent revelations of his numerous infidelities. “We are sad that our marriage is over, and we wish each other the very best for the future,’’ Woods and Nordegren said in a joint statement released by their lawyers.

WWN learned that Tiger Woods then went to a private jewelry dealer in Jupiter Island and purchased this $30 million Susan Rosen designed bikini. Susan Rosen used to be one of the best-kept secrets amongst New York fashion editors, Hollywood Stylists and PGA Golfers.  But the designer rocketed to fame as the designer of history’s most expensive piece of clothing ever made – this $30 million diamond bikini  (modeled by Molly Sims in Sports Illustrated’s Swimsuit issue).

Fashioned out of 150 carats of flawless white diamonds set in platinum, Rosen’s bikini design made media waves from Singapore to Russia. Included in this group of diamonds are a 51 carat pear-shaped diamond, a 30 carat emerald cut, a pair of 15 carat round cut and a pair of eight carat pear-shaped diamonds. The stones were set in platinum.

Tiger Woods wasted no time in purchasing the bikini. The only question is:  which one of the over two dozen mistresses did Tiger purchase the bikini for? There was some speculation that he was buying it for Elin Nordegren in an effort to immediately win her back, but Tiger Woods’ lawyer, David de Andrade, said that Woods and Nordegren were moving on with their lives.  “They just want to do what’s best for the children from now on,” said de Andrade.

If not Elin, then who did Tiger buy it for? Gloria Allred, the attorney for most of the mistresses, said she knew who the lucky girl was but she wasn’t saying – unless WWN paid her high six figures. She only would confirm that she, personally, was not the recipient.  After a relentless pestering by WWN’s indefatigable Frank Lake, Allred finally said. “Leave me alone, Frank. I’m getting a root canal!”  Frank Lake grabbed the dentist drill and Allred finally gave up some information, “It’s one of three mistresses.”

SO, which of Tiger Woods’ top three will be the proud owner of a$30 Million Bikini?

!) RACHEL UCHITEL: the original Tiger Woods’ mistress. She is a 35-year-old woman with a history of dating celebrities.

Rachel Uchitel

2) JAIMEE GRUBBS:  A cocktail waitress from Las Vegas. She  is the woman who released text messages and voicemails from Tiger Woods, and she also appeared on Tool Academy on VHI.

Jamie Grubbs

3) JOSYLN JAMES: A porn star who also goes by the name of Veronica Siwik-Daniels, she bragged about having an affair with Tiger on her Facebook page.

Josyln James

There is some speculation that Tiger may have bought the bikini for Molly Sims. She had been dating Aaron Eckhart, but she’s single now.  And the bikini already fits.  So, If the bikini fits…

Molly Sims

]]> http://weeklyworldnews.com/sports/21384/tiger-woods-buys-30-million-bikini/feed/ 18 amosaya bikini_30mm bikini_30million 3 rachel_uchitel1 jamie_grubbs1 joslyn-james1 bikini_30mm1 http://weeklyworldnews.com/headlines/3346/palin-spends-columbus-day-on-witch-hunt/ http://weeklyworldnews.com/headlines/3346/palin-spends-columbus-day-on-witch-hunt/#comments Mon, 13 Oct 2008 14:31:07 +0000 Samuel T. Westbrook http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/?p=3346 ]]>

WASILLA, AK – Representatives from the McCain Campaign have confirmed that Vice Presidential candidate, Governor Sarah Palin, will spend the Columbus Day holiday on a witch hunt.

Accompanied by her spiritual advisor, Pastor Muthee, Palin will canvass her hometown of Wasilla for witches.  Muthee is famous for reducing crime in Kenya by ridding towns of the witches following the teachings of Satan.

Palin and Muthee believe that Wasilla, given the unflattering nickname “The Meth Capitol of Alaska,” is a prime target for a witch hunt.

“There has been a lot of talk lately about patriotism.  Nothing is less patriotic than Satan,” the Governor’s husband Todd told reporters outside of Speedy Donuts after a recent campaign stop in suburban Ohio.

“On Columbus Day, Sarah is going to do her patriotic duty of hunting down the witches that are defiling Wasilla with their vile practices.  What better way to spend America’s birthday than on a good old fashioned, Salem-style witch hunt?”

Responding to a question on if she thought killing witches was her patriotic duty, Governor Palin said, “Doggonit, you betcha!”

Asked if she believed Columbus Day, rather than Independence Day, marked America’s birthday, the Governor replied, “In what way, Charlie?”

Shocking development coming from the UK. Charlie of “Charlie Bit My Finger Again” is reported to have vestigial wings that were removed at birth. Insiders are speculating that he could be the British Bat Boy.