BANGKOK, THAILAND – The Chaos Cloud is apparently unhappy over the uproar in Bangkok’s airport.

Protesters from the People’s Alliance for Democracy poured into Bangkok’s international airport as Prime Minister Somchai Wongsawat was due to arrive. Wongsawat’s flight was diverted and the airport has been completely shut down. Stranded foreigners are being relocated to hotels as thousands of protesters settled in for the long haul.

The Chaos Cloud arrived late last night in Bangkok, leaving citizens to awaken to its sun-blocking gloom. Thai journalists believe the Cloud is not concerned with the political outcome of the protests, only that complete anarchy not occur. The Chaos Cloud is attempting to contain any chaos until its final descent in 2014.

The head of Thailand’s army has now assured the public and the Cloud that the military will not commit a coup, but strongly encourages the government to allow free elections. “The government should return power to the people,” stated General Anupong Paochinda, with a fearful eye to the sky.

SANTA BARBARA, CA – As the fires die down in Southern California, the Chaos Cloud moved in and set his ominous scowl.

The California fires burned through over 40,000 acres and hundreds of homes, and over 30 people were injured. The smoke and ash blanketing the area is so bad that some schools have been closed due to the poor air quality.

The Chaos Cloud emerged from the black smoke last night over Santa Barbara, apparently miffed at the recent allegations that some of the fires were human caused. Its angry grimace is expected to scare the perpetrators into turning themselves in. It is well known that the Cloud does not want any chaos on Earth until its final descent in 2014.

BEIJING, CHINA – The Chaos Cloud has been spreading across Asia to finally center in on one of the world’s most polluted cities.

According to Shai Oster’s article in the Wall Street Journal, the Chaos Cloud is wreaking havoc across the continent, presumably in unhappiness over the pollution problems. China’s habit of coal burning has caused its air quality to plummet. The World Health Organization has found that 750,000 people die prematurely each year from respiratory problems, and acid rain falls on 30% of the country.

Experts believe that the Cloud is unhappy over so many premature deaths. It is predicted to touch down in 2014 and destroy the world in total chaos, and presumably wants as many human lives to end as possible.

The Director of Ministry of Environmental Protection is currently hiding under his desk and refusing to release any public statements.

NEW HAVEN, CT – The Chaos Cloud settled over New Haven City Hall yesterday in preparation for the start of official gay marriages.

Barbara and Robin Levine-Ritterman, one of the eight couples who successfully sued the state to allow same-sex marriage, received the first marriage license Wednesday morning. However, their photos may come out a little dark as the Chaos Cloud was hovering right above them.

Like some experts, the couple believes the Cloud is there to ward off potential anti-gay marriage demonstrators. “We don’t think the Cloud feels either way about same-sex marriages. We just think he’s here to keep the peace, so to speak,” said Barbara.

GUANTANAMO BAY, CUBA – Rumors that President-elect Barack Obama will close the Guantanamo Bay prison has left more than just humans concerned.

It is being reported that Obama’s advisers are currently drafting a plan to move terrorism suspects to the United States to face criminal trials. As soon as the rumors started circulating, the Chaos Cloud appeared above the Guantanamo Bay prison and has not moved since.

It is widely believed that the Chaos Cloud is nonpartisan.  In fact, it seems to have completely non-human motives, but scientists have been unable to discern much beyond its desire to keep chaos under control until its final descent in 2014.

Chaos Cloud specialists have stated that the Cloud is warning disagreeing parties to keep it civil, lest it must come down and make us. Decmocrats and Republicans have agreed to stay calm, as no one wants to see what the Cloud would have in store for us.

MINNEAPOLIS, MN – After the presidential election went off without a hitch, many citizens were hoping the Chaos Cloud would vanish. But it isn’t satisfied just yet.

The senate race in Minnesota between Incumbent Senator Norm Coleman and former SNL star Al Franken has become dangerously close. As of Wednesday, there was only a 477 vote difference in the election.

While Coleman is asking Franken to concede, Minnesota law requies a recount for such a small margin. Franken supports the recount and stated, “Let me be clear: Our goal is to ensure that every vote is properly counted.”

It appears the Chaos Cloud has parked himself directly over the recount, to act as a warning against any poll-counting shenanigans. It is widely believed the Cloud does not want any chaos to break out before his final descent to destroy the world in 2014.

We can only hope the Chaos Cloud is not driven to act…

JACKSONVILLE, FL – It looks like the Chaos Cloud has picked its final destination before the elections begin: Florida!

After visiting Ohio, Indiana and Pennsylvania, the Cloud seems to have settled over Jacksonville’s Municipal Stadium, where it has been hovering since late Sunday night.

It is believed that the Chaos Cloud is warning government officials to not repeat the problems that were made during the infamous 2000 presidential election. This fits in with the Cayan prophecy that the Cloud is waiting to bring ultimate chaos and the end of the world in 2014.

Florida State University professor Dr. Adam Gamal explained, “The Cayans were a pre-Columbian Central American tribe renowned for their astronomy and mathematics. They worshipped a god-king mathematician who spent thirty years solving their greatest calculation: when the world would end.

“Their calendar ends in 2014, when an evil mist will descend and consume our world. I believe the Chaos Cloud is trying to limit any chaotic events until his time has come. Basically, he’s a bit of a prima donna.”

Florida officials are promising citizens that the balloting process will go as smoothly as possible. It appears that the Chaos Cloud will be insuring that.

]]> http://weeklyworldnews.com/mutants/3571/chaos-cloud-settles-in-florida/feed/ 3 Hideaki Tailor chaoscloudflorida http://weeklyworldnews.com/mutants/3537/chaos-cloud-moves-to-pennsylvania/ http://weeklyworldnews.com/mutants/3537/chaos-cloud-moves-to-pennsylvania/#comments Thu, 30 Oct 2008 10:33:38 +0000 Hideaki Tailor http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/?p=3537 ]]>

PHILADELPHIA, PA – Once again, the Chaos Cloud has shifted its sights and has settled over the City of Brotherly Love.

First Ohio, then Indiana, and now Pennsylvania. The path has not been straight, which is causing much speculation on its intentions.

Nancy Burke, CNN’s Political Weather Analyst, said on air this morning, “This cloud definitely has some kind of agenda. I’m not saying it’s liberal or conservative, nothing like that. The weather has been fairly non-partisan throughout recorded history.”

When asked by Heidi Collins, CNN Newsroom anchor, what may come next, Nancy replied, “It left Toledo and Indianapolis unharmed, so Philly should be okay for now. But did you know the Cloud is made of dust particles from space? How can we predict how something so… unearthly will act?”

Nancy and Heidi stared ominously at the camera for a few seconds, before Nancy went on to report about a chimp that can ride a Segway.

Keep checking Weekly World News for more Chaos Cloud updates!

INDIANAPOLIS, IN – The Chaos Cloud has made another appearance in a U.S. state, this time descending upon Indiana.

The Cloud was not witnessed moving from its last target of Toledo, Ohio, either visually or by radar. However, it was spotted by early-risers hovering over Indianapolis, occluding the pre-dawn stars.

Ethan Madd, a city sanitation worker, told Weekly World News, “I have to get up at 4am to make my 5 o’clock shift. I opened up my blinds and I’ll be damned if I didn’t see a big grumpy face coming right out of the sky!”

It is unclear what the Chaos Cloud wants.  Ohio and Indiana are in very close proximity, but some fear it may be a stronger connection than that.

“Ohio’s a swing state, we’re a swing state…” said Mayor Greg Ballard. “Who knows what the Cloud is after, but it should rest assured that we will be following voting protocol exactly!”

Weekly World News will continue to investigate this phenomenon of the Chaos Cloud’s appearances prior to its prophesized 2014 touchdown.

TOLEDO, OH – The Chaos Cloud was sited hovering high above western Ohio yesterday. Small particles of dust fell on Toledo as the Chaos Cloud moved southeasterly heading in the direction of Columbus, the Ohio state capitol.

Many believe the Chaos Cloud will remain over Ohio in this key election period as accusations of voter tampering, registration fraud, and robo-calling continue to plague this pivotal swing state.

With Ohio playing the deciding role in the 2004 election, both campaigns have dispatched hundreds of lawyers and thousands of unpaid volunteers to monitor the election.

Ohio Secretary of State, Jennifer Brunner told a press conference, “We are taking every precaution to make sure the accusations of 2004 are not repeated.  The emergence of The Chaos Cloud shows just how important a role Ohio plays.”

While the Chaos Cloud is believed to be non-partisan and unaffiliated with either party, no one is eager to see it show a preference by descending upon earth any earlier than its scheduled 2014 reign of destruction.