SEATTLE – Courtney Love attacks daughter on her 18th birthday via Twitter. There’s nothing like a Love mother.

Courtney Love just blew her chance at being Mother of the Year.  Love publicly humiliated called-out her daughter on Thursday, one day after the offspring of Love and late grunge king Kurt Cobain turned 18.

Love took to Twitter and tweeted this lovely message to her beautiful daughter, “You’ve done a dammed good job, Frances, of destroying anything I could build.”  And then she tweeted this, “Why would you leave me and my life in tatters like this?”

Unfortunately (or fortunately for Bean), Love missed her daughter’s birthday by one day. Oops.  Love explained the reason for her belatedly berating her daughter, “Sometimes you just wake up and it’s a day later, and sometimes you wake up and you you’re in stuck in a big jar of pickles.”

Love, the former Hole singer, said that Francis Bean has been plotting for her destruction for the last six months. “She wants to ruin my personal life, she wants to destroy me.”  When asked about her mother’s accusations, Bean chuckled, “She doesn’t need anybody’s help in ruining her life, certainly not mine. She’s doing a great job by herself.”

Well, at least Love has money. In 2006, Love reportedly sold 25% of Nirvana’s catalog for $50 million. Love claims $20 million was embezzled from her by members of her entourage, leaving her “on the verge of applying for food stamps.”  Let’s see $50 million minus $20 million stolen from her leaves her with $30 million.  Wow, she’s right; she does qualify for food stamps.

Recently, Love has admitted to having extensive plastic surgery procedures done to her face and body over the years. She had a lap band put in as part of her continuing effort to lose weight.  She wanted Francis Bean to get a lap band, but her daughter refused.  “She wants me to be an anorexic!”

In December of 2009, A Los Angeles Superior Court commissioner granted control over 17-year-old Frances Bean Cobain to Kurt Cobain’s mother, Wendy O’Connor, and his sister Kimberly Dawn Cobain.

Recently, Love, has been criticized for other rambling postings on Twitter, in which she’s attacked former bandmates and other close friends and relatives.  A fashion designer sued Love in Los Angeles earlier this year over some of the posts, claiming they were libelous.

Will Bean sue? Will they remain estranged?  Will love be able to “build” again? Tune in again for another episode of… As The Hole Turns.

Here’s Love and Bean fighting on camera three years ago:

NEW YORK, NY – Sports Illustrated’s annual Swimsuit Issue hit the stands recently, and one of the photographs revealed more than anyone expected.  In the background of several shots of cover model Bar Rafaeli a sea monster can clearly be seen.

Currently famous for being Leonardo DiCaprio’s girlfriend, Rafaeli can now expect to be a super-celebrity among conspiracy theorists and crypto-zoologists.

When asked about the background of the shots, Sports Illustrated representative Miles O’Rourke says “The image in the background of the shots is completely unintentional.  We did not put the creature there and we are not trying to make any point by including it in our publication.  Sports Illustrated currently has no stance on the cryptid issue.”  When asked how the image slipped by their editors he continued “Honestly, no one was looking at the background in those photos.”

Sports Illustrated subscriptions have skyrocketed in the last few hours.  The magazine is reaching a whole new untapped customer base, one that has no interest or talent for sports whatsoever but an undying passion for the truth.  In the past 6 hours sales have gone up 438% to addresses that end with “my parent’s basement.”  Representatives remain tight lipped as to whether they will appeal to their new base by including more cryptids in future issues.

When approached for comment about her newfound celebrity among cryptid enthusiasts, Mrs. Rafaeli used Krav Maga to illustrate her refusal to comment by putting one reporter in a choke hold and sending the other two running.