BROOKLYN –  Faravores, followers of the latest food craze, demand distance for their delicacies.

Like locavores, faravores are people who pay attention to the origin of their food. They are committed to variety and eating food from as many faraway places as possible. They support what they consider “real” farmers.

Bob Gulvey, graphic designer and founder of Brooklyn Faravore, explained the motivation behind this quickly developing food trend.

“Real farmers are men in overalls with fields and pastures and tractors. This is where we want our food to come from. I don’t trust these locavore Brooklyn nuts with their hand-fed, backyard goats and their rooftop lettuces. It’s disgusting. It’s like breaking the ten-second rule on a New York City street and serving it up on a plate for $27.95.”

Gulvey continued, “I’m sorry, but I don’t want to eat a chicken you ordered online and had shipped to your little urban coop. And I definitely don’t want some nasty cock-fighting bird you bought off a guy underneath the Major Deegan. Faravore is about quality and selection. I support farmers who let their chickens run and roam. But they should do it in Iowa or Nebraska or somewhere with plenty of open space.”

When asked what brought him to organize, Gulvey did not hesitate.

“Coney Island Caviar, if you can believe it. I was at Met Foods on Fulton Street and they were giving away samples. Normally, I’m a big sample guy but you’ve got to be kidding me. I get the Russian influence of the neighborhood and all. But caviar should not come from Coney Island. Those are infected waters down there. It was like a lightning bolt struck me, I knew I had to do something. I don’t care how long it takes or how many gallons of gas are wasted or how many trees are chopped down, the caviar I eat will come from the Black Sea or even the Caspian. That’s the moment I became a faravore.”

Brooklyn Faravore will be holding their first rally at the Grand Army Plaza Greenmarket this Saturday, May 28th from 12-2PM. Supporters are encouraged to wear red. “Send It To Me!” and “Far For Me!” signs will be distributed.

ASTANA – Kazakhstan is attempting to be the first nation to publicly welcome extraterrestrial visitors!

According to Express K, a Kazakh newspaper, the Republic of Kazakhstan is preparing to build the world’s first UFO base and alien embassy. It is being reported that the government has allocated a large portion of land near the city of Almaty for the project. The plans include a UFO landing pad, guesthouse and translation service. How the translation program will be created was not made clear.

Ufologists are applauding the government, which openly believes that contact with extraterrestrials is inevitable and is attempting to establish the nation as forward-thinking. Others are criticizing the project as being an obvious tourism ploy.

So why Kazakhstan, of all places? It has long been rumored that an underwater UFO base exists in the Derbent Hollow of the Caspian Sea, which sits on Kazakhstan’s border. This has even been confirmed by the head of neighboring Azerbaijan’s national Aerospace Agency, Fuad Gasimov, who worked for the old USSR science academy while they were secretly monitoring UFO activity.

According to a Baku Sun newspaper article published in 2002, Gasimov said the Soviet organization charted UFOs. “The organization sent an expedition to Baku and the Absheron Peninsula, where they discovered UFOs bases around the Nardaran and Pirshagi districts and around the Siyazan water spring. The entrances to these bases, he says, are found deep underground.”

Will these visitors come out of the dark and begin publicly visiting Kazakhstan? Or is this all just a publicity ploy?