NEW YORK/CRAWFORD, TX – George W. Bush will be replacing Regis Philbin as co-host on his popular ABC talk show.

Regis Philbin announced on air yesterday that after 28 years of co-hosting the “LIVE!” morning show, he is leaving later this year.

ABC execs immediately announced that  George W. Bush will be the new host opposite Kelly Ripa.  ABC felt that Bush is one of the few recognized personalities who has the charisma to face off with the feisty Kelly Ripa five days a week.

The 43rd President was in New York last week to meet with Ripa and the show’s producers. Word is, they reviewed Bush’s screen tests and have been very pleased with his on-screen presence.

Seth Lewinsky, a marketing manager for the show, loves the idea of putting “Bush II” on the air. “He’s camera-ready. After all those years of press conferences and campaigning, he’s prepared to tackle a fresh audience each morning. He also brings a certain Texan charm to a very New York show. He’ll pull in another sector of the population for us.”

Ripa is said to be ecstatic. While she was initially pushing for her husband Mark Consuelos to replace Regis, she’s had a change of heart.

“Mark is the perfect fill-in, but we need a perfect co-pilot. George is my co-pilot,” explained Ripa.

Producers are also scrambling to settle on a new name for the show. While they want to inject some new energy into the name, they don’t want to lose the strength of the brand. Possibilities include:

LIVE with Kelly and Dubya
LIVE with the Ripa and the W
Ripa! Bush! LIVE!
Kelly and George: Up in Smoke
Bush Cassidy and the Sundance Kelly
Mission Accomplished!

MINNEAPOLIS, MN – A billboard near Wyoming has appeared with a familiar face and a funny message!

Located on Interstate 35 near Wyoming, the billboard has a message of “Miss Me Yet?” alongside an image of former President George Bush. At the first, this was thought to be a very elaborate and clever internet trick. However, multiple sources have since claimed that the billboard is very much real.

The billboard seems to fall right into place with President Obama’s declining popularity. The wars, his continued push for healthcare, and unemployment at all time highs have dropped the President in the polls. The message of “Miss Me Yet?” is doing much to help President Obama’s public appeal. Or perhaps it could be an ironic message and be reminding people that things could be worse with President Bush.

The biggest question that remains with the billboard is who paid for it and why? Perhaps it is someone or a group that is very much displeased with President Obama’s current performance.

Check out the actual billboard below.

I’m madder than a zombie with a hole in his skull!

Everyone keeps saying how Obama is smarter than Bush, but you can’t convince me.

Now the Teleprompter Kid is saying we’ve got zombies in the military! I’ve heard of “Don’t ask, don’t tell” but this is more like “Don’t ask, don’t tell, don’t eat another guy’s brains”!

The other day at that Prayer Breakfast, Obama kept talking about Army “corpsmen,” except he kept calling them “corpse-men.”

That’s how he let is slip that the United States of America has a secret zombie army!

Now it can be told: a rogue CIA splinter group built up a crack unit of undead soldiers to keep order when we all finally revolt against the Communist in Chief.

That George Romero movie guy always said his “Night of the Living Dead” picture was really about how much he hated the Vietnam War. So that’s how they got him to work on this whole project, being a traitor and all.

Yeah, Romero says all the zombies in that picture were locals from Pittsburgh, but anybody’s who’s been to Pittsburgh and lived to tell the tale knows the locals are way less lively than that!

Why do you think we’re hearing all this stuff about Haiti lately? They use voodoo to raise the dead, right? So that “earthquake” was really the CIA setting off explosions to trigger the zombie uprising.

So when you hear about how many dead people there are in Haiti, stop and ask yourself: how long until some witch doctor brings ‘em back to life?

Ha! Let’s see Pat Robertson pull THAT off!

Now I gotta go stock up on wooden stakes and silver bullets and all that other crap!

Want a little more Anger? Check out Ed’s own site at EdAnger360.com

CHICAGO, IL – President-Elect Barack Obama held a press conference early this morning to announce his appointee to the Inter-planetary organization.

Standing next to Intergalactic United Nations Supreme Allied Commander, Trrgufchk Skgrt, Obama declared Reggie Love would be accepting the position. Longtime Obama friend and personal aide, Reggie will be rewarded for his years of dedication with one of the most coveted ambassadorships in the universe.

Obama told reporters at the conference, “Reggie Love is a dedicated and passionate American and Earthling.  He will represent our interests well and see to it that the decisions of the galaxy stand up to the standards the American people expect of the Intergalactic community.”

“It’s an honor to be given such an important role,” Love told reporters following the announcement.  “To represent America and the people of Earth in front of the entire galaxy is a humbling responsibility.”

Not missing a beat, Republican strategist and hate-monger Karl Rove commented, “Well it’s nice to see that Obama is already rewarding friends with cushy appointments.  Is that change we can believe in?”

Love is expected to take up his appointment within a matter of weeks, potentially even before Obama is inaugurated.  Bush had refused to name an appointee after the IGUN refused to send troops into Iraq.

I was as happy as Joe Biden at a Hair Club for Men conference to see Sarah Palin crush Joe Biden in the VP debate last week.  Sarah had me at “Hey, can I call you Joe?”  It didn’t help that Joe-Tox had a look of surprise frozen on his face from the Botox and his recent eyelift. Joe talks about being a regular guy from Scranton, PA, but when I look around the room at my Elks Club meeting I don’t see many fellas with hair plugs, botox and a facelift.

I haven’t had a real crush since that candy-striper in the Korean War, but I found myself getting hotter and hotter for Sarah as the night went on.  How can you not love a girl who says with a wink, “Your plan is a white flag of surrender.”  That comment knocked Joe Biden to the ground like Rocky Balboa in Rocky VI.  Biden came in to the debate thinking that Sarah was an idiot and that dumb-ass was the one who limped out of the ring with the scars from his recent facelift busted wide open.

The next knock out punch came when Biden, who is supposed to be some kind of dang foreign-policy expert, had just given a long-winded explanation for how he voted in favor of invading Iraq but didn’t really mean for Bush to actually invade Iraq.  That Botox must have helped him keep a straight face when he told the American public that he of course realized way back then that it would be a very long and difficult war but he now opposes the war because it’s been too long and too difficult.

“Oh, man, it’s so obvious that I’m a Washington outsider and someone just not used to the way you guys operate,” Sarah Palin said with a look on her face like Biden had just offered her a dog turd sandwich.  It took me a while to get used to it, but now I am starting to love that Fargo-meets-Arctic accent.

Friends, let’s make sure we get out to vote so we can hear that accent often over the next eight years.  If Obama and Joe-Tox go to the White House, we are going to have every one of Obama’s America-hating ACORN and Weather Underground friends come out of their rat-holes and turn the good ol’ US of A into France before you can say “surrender”.