BUFFALO, NY – A statue weighing over 1,000 pounds was stolen from outside the Buffalo Bills stadium!

The Buffalo Bills suffered a sad 6-3 loss against the Cleveland Browns this past Sunday. But it wasn’t the only thing they lost.

Some time that night, a tree statue of former running back Thurman Thomas was stolen from in front of the stadium!

While theft of team statues and mascots isn’t that uncommon, the statue was well over 1,000 pounds. It had been carved from a tree as part of the Carvings for a Cause initiative, which used trees that had been struck down during the October Surprise snowstorm of 2006.

Said Carvings for a Cause founder Therese Forton-Barnes, “I’ve never had anybody steal a carving. They weigh anywhere from 1,000 to 2,000 pounds.”

Police have no suspects as of yet. Due to the heft of the statue, it would have taken at least a small group of people as well as some kind of flatbed truck.

Buffalo, NY – Fay Sanders, 73, takes the offensive in a minor standoff between American senior citizens and the Royal Canadian Mounted Police.  AARP member and First Baptist Church of Lancaster, Pennsylvania bake sale runner-up Sanders fired off two rounds, nearly hitting a military humvee before authorities captured her and two accomplices.  The border patrol confiscated $125,000 (US) in a variety of prescription medications.

“This kind of thing is so common now that we don’t even report ‘em anymore if there aren’t any casualties,” said a weary Inspector Cheneau.  The FDA estimates that a group of seniors crosses the borders with foreign prescriptions once every seven minutes.