ALABAMA – 70 dead dolphins washed ashore. It was not due to the BP Oil Spill. Authorities confirmed the deaths were caused by aliens from Planet Zeeba.

SAN DIEGO – Scientists believe the world is running out of breathable air.

NEW YORK, NY – If it were up to Brad Pitt – BP would have to face some serious consequences!

COUNTY WILTSHIRE – Archaeologists working for BP have made a startling new find at Stonehenge – oil.

NEW ORLEANS – BP wants the oil spill to go away so bad that it’s resorting to extreme measures.

LOS ANGELES – Superior Court Judge Marsha Revel was so disgusted with Lindsay Lohan’s that after sentencing her to 90 days, the Judge threw tarballs at her.

NEW YORK, NY – New York state, desperate for money, has agreed to sell Coney Island to the Merpeople.