LAS VEGAS, NV – President-Elect Obama’s streak of intergalactic bad luck continues this week as the Installation Commander of Area 51 refused to hand over the keys.

CHICAGO, IL – Sources inside the Obama Transition Team have confirmed that Rahm Emanuel tipped off FBI to Governor Rod Blagojevich’s schemes as payback.

CHICAGO, IL – Obatma was wrongly arrested this morning for conspiring to sell Barack Obama’s vacant Senate seat.