SEASIDE HEIGHTS, NJ – Jersey Shore is being brought back for a second season.  The Pope declares Snooki Polizzi the Patron Saint of the Jersey Shoreline.

Amid controversy and condemnation, MTV is bringing its show Jersey Shore back for a second season. Criticized for its use of ethnic stereotypes and mindlessly broad appeal, the show still found a strong audience among the “televised train wreck” crowd and the hopelessly shallow. Over 10 million viewers tuned in to watch Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi get punched in the face during one episode.  Now, Snooki is being declared the Patron Saint of the Jersey Shore.

Traditional voices within the Catholic Church are criticizing this move as blatant act of populism.  Cardinals and Bishops around the world are calling the move a “publicity stunt.”  “This is demeaning to the great Mother Church,” said Bishop Arlino Guthrizzi.  “Our sacred and dignified institution is being demeaned by her inclusion!  When I first heard the news I spilled trans-substantiated wine all over myself!”  In response to these criticisms Pope Benedict has said, “Who’s infallible?”

“Even the most wayward of God’s children need a shepherd.  And I don’t know how to relate to these kids.  So here you go, have a saint.”  Polizzi will be considered the Patron Saint of the Jersey Shore, artificial tanning, and hair product.