I’m madder than the catcher at a javelin meet!

So the Communist-in-Chief and Okra Winfred flew to one of those foreign country we saved from the Krauts, to ask the Europes to let Chicago have the Olympics.

First off, the Olympics are crap. They’re supposed to help world peace, but there’ve been MORE wars since the Olympics started. You can look it up!

(Same thing for global warming: if it really is true that the earth is one degree warmer now than a hundred years ago, and the Olympics started up a hundred years ago – you do the math! Can you prove there’s no connection? Take that, tofu-suckers!)

But if we have to have Olympics, let them come to Chicago. They can add all kinds of new games. Instead of the javelin throw, they can have the railroad tie throw, where you have to aim for an honor student’s head.

Or instead of the marathon, you can have the Running of the Crooks, like Blago! And put Bill Ayers in charge of the fireworks!

Speaking of students: the Teleprompter Kid wants to take away summer vacation and make kids go to school year round. He’s right about that: when was the last time your kid got out of bed before 2 o’clock, let alone went out to pick crops in the fields?

Only trouble is: the more time your kids spend in school, the more brainwashing they’ll get. Every day on the computer machine I see a new video of kids singing about Obama like he’s Jesus, except you can’t sing about Jesus in school anyhow!

Also they might become honor students if they study to much, and these days, that can kill you!

I’m madder than a Kennedy at last call about what’s going on in our country!

I hear the Communist in Chief is getting half a million bucks to write a kids book. Not only that, but it’s a kids version of his grown up book, “Pipe Dreams” or something. Which is weird because Obama’s books are all about snorting coke and smoking pot!

Maybe that’ll get changed in the kid’s books to candy cigarettes, and Obama’s hippie terrorist friend will get switched to Little Billy who eggs cars on Devil’s Night. Cheech and Chong can read it on Sesame Street!

Just think: kids all over American will get to read the inspiring story of a lady who got knocked up by a lowlife, pawned her kid off on his grandma, and he grew up to be a dope smoking Chicago lawyer who writes books about himself!

Or you could just give kids a comic book version of “The Omen”!

Obama’s starting to remind me of Jimmy Carter. You kids think the ’70s were all bright clothes and fruity disco music, but believe me: there’s nothing fun about lining up for two days to fill up your gas tank, not to mention double digit inflation, unemployment and interest rates! At least Jimmy Carter had a goofy beer-guzzling brother we could make fun of to get through our horrible lives.

That’s it: let’s bring Obama’s brother over here from Booga-booga Land and get him to say something dumb every day to liven things up. Oh wait, that’s what Obama does already. And the idea’s too much like an Eddie Murphy movie, and the world is depressing enough without another one of those!

CHICAGO, IL – The University of Illinois at Chicago announced this morning that they have offered OJ Simpson an adjunct professorship in its prestigious Drama department.

Though Simpson was convicted on all twelve counts of armed robbery and kidnapping over the weekend will likely spend the rest of his life in a Nevada federal penitentiary, he will be able to conduct his classes live via satellite.

UIC, home to Weather Underground founder Bill Ayers and several other felons, welcomes the high-profile addition to its esteemed faculty.  “He’s The Juice,” exclaimed university Chancellor Paula Allen-Meares.  “He led the nation in rushing two years in a row at USC.  He won the Heisman.  He was the first pro player to reach 2,000 yards, for goodness sake!”  She added, “I’m also a big fan of ‘The Naked Gun.’”

Simpson has also begun writing a new book tentatively titled “If I Didn’t Do It.”