PHOENIX, AZ – At age 13, the mysterious Bat Boy’s hormones are apparently kicking in — he’s developed a crush on Senator John McCain’s daughter Meghan!
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Bat Boy Sues Batman in Paternity Suit
Bruce Wayne has deep pockets and Batboy knows it. In an attempt to extort money from the wealthy playboy, folk hero Batboy filed a paternity suit in early May of this year.
Bend It Like Bat Boy
Since David Beckham’s move to America a few years ago, his behavior has dramatically changed. Beckham shaved his head, mostly coming out at night, and rumor has it, using mosquitoes as a protein supplement!
Bat Boy has no shame in having his influence known! What does he want from all of these celebrities?
Bat Ball Boy
It looks like Bat Boy has moved on from James Blake to another famous tennis player: Andre Agassi.
Although Agassi retired in 2006, he continues to play charity tournaments. It has been long whispered that Agassi is often found immediately after the game, catching mosquitoes in the parking lot with a dark, pointy-eared figure.
What could Bat Boy possibly have to gain from a retired athlete? The plot thickens…
Bat Boy Incident
Bat Boy has now struck at one of Hollywood’s most recognizable leading ladies, Sharon Stone!
In 2005, Stone helped raise funds for mosquito nets in Tanzania. Was Bat Boy offended? His love of mosquitoes is well known.
Word has gotten around that Stone is distancing herself from the net incident and refusing to participate in any future pledge drives.
A photographer has boasted he has a shot of Stone in a nightgown and no shoes feasting on mosquitoes in a field, but he has yet to sell it.
Bat Boy Gets Passport
Weekly World News investigative reporters have discovered that the U.S. government has issued Bat Boy a passport for international travel!
Bat Boy's Vampire Weekend
Bat Boy was spotted last night in Louisville, Kentucky, taking in a Vampire Weekend performance!
Concertgoers are reporting that he slipped past security using a disguise, consisting of skinny jeans and an “Ithaca is Gorges” t-shirt.
Bat Boy squeaked and squealed along to Vampire Weekend’s Upper West Side Soweto beats. After the show, he snuck backstage and showed his appreciation to the band by bringing them mosquitoes to devour.
BLAKE ANGUISH AT OPEN
James Blake and US hopes have crashed at the US Open.
Blake lost a close match despite being powered by a strong serve, superior forehand and the protein nourishment that his nightly diet of thousands of mosquitoes provides.