18-year-old Jyoti Amge, who at 2 feet 6 inches is the world’s shortest woman, has moved to the U.S.  and is running for Congress.

Jyoti Amge has moved to Massachusetts and is running for Barney Frank’s seat in the House of Representatives.

Amge’s celebrity status in her own country makes her move to America major news in two countries.  Crowds gathered in Mumbai to wish her well on her journey.

“One of the problems with being famous is people mob you wherever you go,” she said. “Many of them ask very irritating questions. If I were not the shortest woman in the world, I would not have become famous.”

The tiny woman held the Guinness World Record for world’s shortest teenager until she turned 18 in December and took on her new title. She weighs just 12 pounds and won’t grow any more in height due to an extreme case of achondroplasia, a form of dwarfism, Guinness told the paper.

Here she is with her campaign manager:

Barney Frank was quick to dismiss her as a viable candidate for his Congressional seat.  I would pick her over any of the other Republicans in this country, and I like her size and attitude, but her ideas I wholeheartedly disagree with.   Congress is not a freak show.

WASHINGTON, DC -  Rep. Barney Frank revealed to Congress today that he had breast augmentation surgery.

Outgoing Rep. Barney Frank (D-Mass.) made an impassioned speech to Congress today.  He spoke on behalf of men across America who want bigger breasts but fear that they will be ridiculed by other men (and some women) for having larger and fuller breasts.

Dressed in a snug, light blue crew neck shirt with a jacket draped over his shoulders, Frank stood at the podium to deliver a speech that some have compared to Martin Luther King Jr.’s “I Have A Dream” speech.  Barney wants to erase bigotry and hatred that a large segment of the American public feel towards men who want big breasts.

Here’s Barney with his new breasts – thought he had more silicone pumped into them after this picture was taken.

And here’s Barney Frank BEFORE his breast implants:

See the difference:

Frank recently announced that he is retiring from Congress.  In his speech, he said he always wanted bigger breasts, but did not want his breasts to be a focus of attention when he was the head of the Banking Committee.  But NOW, he wants the attention.  “I want everyone to see me and my new breasts.  I’m  much happier now, and some might find it strange, but I feel more like a man now.

Here’s Barney’s friend, Fred Wilcox:

Fred got breast implants last year and convinced Barney to go ahead a do what he always has wanted to d0 – have a set of 35DDs.

Barney was mesmerized when he first saw Fred:

WASHINGTON, DC – Congress will vote next month on a bill to legalize marijuana.

Ron Paul and Barney Frank have teamed up to introduce legislation legalizing marijuana. Not decriminalizing it, but actually totally legalizing it.  They both expect the House to pass the bill by a wide margin next month.

They made the announcement with Bob Marley music playing in the background.

It is being billed as an historic piece of bipartisan legislation. According to the Marijuana Policy Project: “The legislation is the first bill ever introduced in Congress to end federal marijuana prohibition.”  They also feel that the bill will pass with a majority in both houses.

On this, the 40th anniversary of the War on Drugs, basically every Congressperson agrees that marijuana prohibition is an expensive failure.

Prior to this bill, dubbed the End Pot Prohibition Act, Paul and Frank had introduced “The Industrial Hemp Farming Act of 2009″, which eliminated federal laws prohibiting farmers from growing non-psychoactive industrial hemp.

The two congressman had also co-signed the “Medical Marijuana Patient Protection Act of 2008″, which enacted legal protections for medical marijuana users, and the “Personal Use of Marijuana by Responsible Adults Act of 2008″, which removed federal criminal penalties for possession of up to 100 grams of marijuana.

Asked whether he thought President Obama will sign the bill, Paul said, “I think a lot of people would shocked if he didn’t.  Many have smoked joints with President at the White House.”

Frank said Congress intends to “tax the hell  out” of marijuana, but said that the taxes would still be far less then the taxes on cigarettes.

Frank and Paul each took hits from a joint at the press conference.  “I think the marijuana would do a lot of good for the country right now,” Paul said as he passed the joint to Frank.  “We all need to mellow out.”

Stoned Tea Party Republicans agreed, “I see rainbows,” said Michele Bachmann.

Former President Bush stopped by Congress to lend his support to the bill:

CHICAGO – Every state is reporting massive voter fraud in today’s midterm elections.

Election officials in every state are reporting increased voter fraud – both in the ballots already cast and with the voting machines that are being used today.

Nevada is a state that seems to be completely unraveling on election day.  “Harry Reid’s name is already checked on over half of the machines that have been sent to polling places,” said Las Vegas reporter Greg Hartman.   “Early ballots have been cast from over 10,000 dead people and many union members have voted twice already.  It’s out of control!”

Attorney General, Eric Holder, does not seemed concerned about Nevada, or any of the other blue states.  “We are going to put together a task force in December to look into whether or not we should investigate the reports of voter fraud.  We hope to have a decision about this matter by January of 2012.”

Meanwhile, both parties seem to be “getting out the voter fraud” for today’s election.  Here are some reports from the states:

ALASKA:   Lisa Murkowski and her campaign staff spent the weekend filing out over 20,000 write-in ballots to hand out to voters BEFORE they go into the voting booth.  Murkowski’s brother-in-law, Todd Bench, is the leader of the union that will be in charge of moving voting machines around the state.   Republican senate candidate, Joe Miller, is not happy.

WASHINGTON -  State officials are going to allow Canadian citizens to cross the border – as long as they vote for incumbent Patty Murray (D) for Senate.

CALIFORNIA – Illegal aliens from every country will be allowed to vote.  There are reports that large numbers of foreign nationals are flying into LAX today so that they can vote for Jerry Brown, who has promised to put California up for sale to the highest bidder.  Brown wants to finalize the sale of California to China.

NEW YORK -  District Attorney Andrew Cuomo has hired several Brooklyn “families” to monitor the polling stations across the state.  “Mr. Cuomo is concerned that people might make the mistake of voting for Carl Paladino, who is clearly mentally deficient.  He intends to make sure that voters make the right choice,” said Cuomo campaign spokesman, Tom Hillstrom.

DELAWARE – Chris Coons is having his campaign staff hand out naked pictures of Christine O’Donnell, pictures that he obtained from an anonymous 25-year-old Philadelphian.

TENNESSEE  – Tea Party activists plan on blocking the polling places and stepping on anyone’s head who tries to get past them and vote for a Democrat.

WEST VIRGINIA -  A new law requires that shots of alcohol “must be ” consumed BEFORE a voter enters the booth.

MASSACHUSETTS -  The Service Employees International Union will be sending several busloads of workers to Barney Frank’s district to make sure that the voting machines are working properly.

FLORIDA – President Bill Clinton is going to be working with Governor Charlie Crist to ensure that all the ballots in Florida are counted correctly.   President Clinton will be examining many of the ballots, and hanging chads, personally.

COLORADO – Dead people are allowed to vote in Denver.

ILLINOIS – Mayor Daley and Rahm Emanuel have authorized the Illinois Board of Elections to turn over all control of all the voting machines to Mayor Daley and Rahm Emanuel.   Emanuel said, “there’s an important mayoral race coming up in the next few months and we want to make sure all these machines are working properly.”

OHIO – The Election has been canceled tomorrow.   Governor Strickland has been declared the winner.

That’s just a sampling… more to come tomorrow!!

COPIAPO, CHILE -  In an agreement between the U.S. and  Chile — for each miner brought up, they will send down one U.S.  politician.

Chile, and the world, is rejoicing in the rescue of the 33 miners trapped underground since August 5th.  This is a great achievement for all involved.  Prayers have been answered:

Since U.S. mining experts aided in the rescue, the President of Chile, Sebastian Pinera said he wanted to do something to give back to Americans.

The mining experts from the U.S. came up with the perfect idea:  for each Chilean miner brought up, we will send down one U.S. Politician.  The Chileans happily agreed to accommodate the miners – so grateful were they for the help.

This has all been cleared with the Obama Administration.  The only drawback is that President Obama wants to name the 33 politicians to be sent down into the Chilean mine.   But the United Mine Workers convinced President Obama to let them make the selections.

The first two U.S. Politicians to be sent down into the mine will be Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid.  Senator Reid was not happy:

Other politicians on the list include:

John McCain

John Kerry

Charlie Rangel

Maxine Waters

Lindsey Graham

Ben Nelson

Olympia Snowe

Barney Frank

Patty Murray

Barbara Boxer

Arnold Schwarzenegger – though he may have trouble fitting in the tube

Rahm Emanuel

Eliot Spitzer

Christine O’Donnell

The White House is being flooded with possible names to be considered.

Not everyone is happy with the miner-for-politician swap.  “I’m not going down there.  No way, ” said Rep. Alan Grayson of Florida, who has been short-listed for the swap.  “I think we should send down the Wall Street fatcats who got us into this mess.   We’ve been doing our best in Congress… it’s the Wall Street devils that have ruined this country.”

Alan Grayson was moved to the top of the list.

The politicians will spend at least 88 days in the mine – then they will be brought out one-by-one… as long as they promise never to run for office again.

The final list of politicians is not decided yet, so do you have any suggestions??

I’m madder than a three-legged dog at a fire hydrant!

All through that damn election, they told us Obama was the greatest speaker since Martin Luther King. But yesterday he sounded more like Mr. Rogers!

Yesterday, the Teleprompter Kid was trying to explain why his whole Death Panel Medicine Plan was going down the toilet. He said:

“There is something about August going into September where everybody in Washington gets all wee weed up!”

I guess that’s how they teach you to talk at those fancy colleges up north!

Here’s some other stuff Obama said yesterday that didn’t get reported:

“I’ve got a boo-boo!”

“My poll numbers went plop plop!”

“I go sleepy-bye-bye now!”

I don’t even know what Obama was trying to say. Sure, those Washington types are always having trouble with their “wee wees”, but last I heard, Larry Craig and Bill Clinton weren’t around anymore! I’m surprised Barney Frank didn’t get mad about that crack!

So now the most powerful man in the world is blaming his troubles on what MONTH it is? This is turning into “the dog ate my homework” with some horoscope stuff mixed in.

Say what you like about good old George W. Bush, but he didn’t blame limp summertime “wee wees” when he couldn’t fix Social Security!

Seems to me that Obama needs to have some juice and a cookie, then take a nap and come back when he figures out how to talk like a grown up!

WASHINGTON, DC – Barney Frank has challenged Rush Limbaugh to a duel of one-liners.

After Limbaugh made what some are calling a homophobic joke at Barney Frank’s expense, he has again fallen under criticism for going too far.  Barney Frank has responded by challenging him to a Zing-Off, a contest of one-liners judged by a bipartisan triumvirate of judges.

The conflict started Wednesday afternoon when Limbaugh commented on Barney Franks town hall.  Barney Frank said to a woman who was holding a picture of Obama as Hitler, comparing health reform to eugenics, “On what planet do you spend most of your time?”

Limbaugh shot back at Frank, on his radio show Wednesday, “Isn’t it an established fact that Barney Frank himself spends most of his time living around Uranus?”  A reference to the fact that Frank is an openly gay member of Congress.

In a post show interview Limbaugh admitted that writing the joke took him about 3 hours, but he was very proud of how it turned out.

Limbaugh is an admitted huge fan of stereotype humor, jokes based on broad stereotypes.  Critics are wondering if this will cost him, and Vegas odds put him at 1/3 based purely on this strategy.  Frank is known to rely heavily on compliant-based humor, popular among many Jewish comedians.  If his response to the Town Hall heckler is any indication, it will be difficult for Limbaugh to throw Frank off his game.

The competition will be overseen by a bipartisan triumvirate of judges including Joan Rivers, Kathy Griffin, and Don Rickles.

Like many previous disputes Limbaugh has been involved in, this one will be settled on Pay-Per-View.  Limbaugh says “This will be too easy!  But Barney’s used to guys pounding him into oblivion.”  Frank responded, “Put down the Twinkie and bring it!”

WASHINGTON, DC – Passing by an huge majority, the House of Representatives set a new precedent in fiscal oversight: seizing executives’ pants and first-born child!

As details of retention pay and bonuses being paid with taxpayer funded bailout money to AIG executives came to light this week, Congress was called on to take action quickly.

The public, already bruised over details of corporate mishandling of bailout funds to pay for luxury jets and retreats to exotic locations, demanded that Congress recoup taxpayer funds used to pay bonuses rather than prevent layoffs or cover necessary debts.

Congress, in a surprisingly bipartisan movement, took even greater action than the average taxpayer could have hoped for.

“We are just as disgusted by the actions of AIG as are our constituents,” Massachusetts Representative Barney Frank, chairmen of the House Financial Services Committee told reporters after the bill passed the House.  “This is not just a symbolic move to show our anger.  Democrats and many Republicans united to pass this bill which will reclaim 90% of the bonuses paid along with some non-monetary assets that will drive home our point.”

In addition to the 90% tax on the bonus funds, the bill calls for the seizing of various assets based on the level of participation in decision making and allocating of funds on the part of each executive.

Executives who simply received bonuses, but were not involved in the decision to pay them, will have their bonus taxed as well as three out of every five pairs of pants confiscated.

In the more extreme cases, the top brass of AIG will have their bonuses taxed, in addition to every pair of pants they own being seized, as well as their first born child, regardless of age, and the removal of every third tooth starting with the rear right molar.

“This bill sure means business,” Robert Gibbs, Obama Administration Press Secretary said during a special afternoon press briefing to discuss the bill.  “I won’t discuss the President’s feelings on each specific detail of the bill, as it is surely to be tweaked in the Senate before reaching his desk for signature.”

“What I will say, is that The President feels the House accomplished a great achievement today and their constituents should be proud of their Representatives.  President Obama was deeply disturbed by the paying of bonuses to executives of a company that needed billions upon billions of taxpayer dollars to prevent going belly-up and feels Congress is on the right track to correct the situation.”

“If I could speak off the record for a moment, I will tell you that The President told me in the strictest of confidence that he personally looks forward to carrying out some of the ‘seizing’ called for in the bill.”

Back on the record, Secretary Gibbs declined further comment.